To hate people using my first name

[Cloudyyy]

Is it unreasonable to expect strangers (shop assistants, clients etc) to use my title and surname instead of my first name unless I say otherwise? I just cannot stand the rudeness of being called my first name by a bank worker, just for example, without reason. We are not friends or colleagues, there is no need. It is presumptuous and rude. Is there ever a polite way of asking someone not to? I rarely dare say anything especially to clients and yet I really don’t like it. Do others think this is fine?

The sort of thing I don't like, which I think is what the OP is referring to, is your name being used by someone who has just read it off your debit card or customer details in a shop, to encourage familiarity and false bonhomie. I can't stand false friendliness and familiarity towards customers from corporate entities, or how they force their staff to do it. When someone I don't know from Adam and will probably never see again says "Well, hello shearwater, and how are you today?" I always want to reply "None of your fucking business, you over-familiar little twerp." Of course, I don't because I'm British, and it's necessarily not the fat-tied muppet's fault, his employer has probably made him say it, and he is not really any more interested in me than watching the paint dry until the next customer comes in.

Of course if it's my hairdresser, or someone else I see regularly or have otherwise ever had a good chat to, it's fine and normal to use my name. It's instant familiarity and falseness I can't stand.

You'd like Germany. You use the polite form of address (Sie) and title/surname by default and only switch to first names if the older person invites it. Among younger people and in a lot of workplaces there's a presumption of familiarity, but at e.g. the bank they will always say Sie to you.

I agree with the OP. Title and surname should be used unless the principle invites their addressee to do otherwise.

My parents are like this....hut they're in their 80s!! Definitely how they were brought up and it's stuck with them.

My DH and DSIL were calling them Mr & Mrs for years until marriages happened then they declared they could use first names which DH & DSIL found weird after years of Mr & Mrs. It used to make me cringe having family dinners pre marriage to hear DH saying "Mrs X, please can I have more roast potatoes" So I've seen this played out and its has made me all for first name terms....using titles feels so old fashioned and makes me cringe!

I know my story relates to a family scenario and may seem OTT on my parent's part, but why be so formal? First names feels more friendly and the world could do with being a more friendly place!! After all, I was named X, so feel free!

I don't like it when they repeat my name all the time in the conversation. I have a feeling that some companies have a policy where employees need to use client's name in every sentence... Makes me cringe.
Otherwise I prefer CS to use my first name anyway just because my last name is difficult to pronounce. I always end up correcting them or listening to them butcher it in every frigging sentence 😖

Op, yanbu, for the pure fact that YOU don’t want to be called by your first name. It is entirely your decision, and your right to be called by whatever you wish.

I was brought up to call adults Mr- or Mrs- even if they’d asked me to call them by their first name - my parents still insisted on the formality. As a middle aged adult I prefer first names - I’d never expect a friend’s child to call me by anything else, for example, and even as a teacher I’m called by my first name. Despite all that I’m a bit with you, OP. It would jar slightly to be called by my first name in a context like the bank or telephone customer service. Not enough for me to say something, but I would think it wasn’t quite appropriate. Interesting thread.

@HoppingPavlova do you think maybe it was his father in law, not his own dad? :)

I work in a call centre and we actually have training on how to be sociable, I find it far to informal (and kinda rude) to talk to someone using their first name or even calling them hun or babe.
My work finish formal emails to its employees with kisses.. it’s just far too much for me but works work so it’s tolerated till I find something new.

Op. How old are you? This feels very generational to me.

I'm fifty and prefer my first name to be used. I find mrs blunt too formal and I see no need for it at all. I certainly don't perceive it as rude to use my first name.

I hate formality and am probably more informal than I should be.

I hate calling people Mr/Mrs anything. Are you Mrs? Miss? Ms? (not sure how you even pronounce that one), Dr? Professor? Whichever it is I don't actually care.

I used to work at a super stuffy place and even as an employee was expected to address superior colleagues as Mr Blah. I found it really patronising.

I have the opposite problem. I pull a face if you assume I'm Miss or Mrs whatever and get it wrong. Someone emailed me as Mrs Thread the other day. No. I'm not Mrs Thread unless I'm married to my dad. My mum used to be Mrs Thread and even she isn't anymore. I'm not Miss Thread either though. Technically, I'm actually Mrs "name you don't know" - because I'm married and haven't changed my name, but just call me One - that's my name!

Being called Mrs anything makes me feel ancient.

I’ve been married nearly 20 years. “Mrs Surname” has never sat comfortably, but neither did “Miss Surname”. I’m far more happy using my first name.

DH is a dentist and sometimes has patients call him by his first name and he doesn't like that but that I understand. Why is that understandable if you don't care? Why is he more reasonable to expect professional distance from his patients than you are from a bank worker?

I hate it when complete strangers ring me up and call me by my name and ask me how I am! It sounds over familiar rather than friendly.

Truly don't give a monkeys

I always get the feeling that people who don't like being called by their first name, make the assertion because they think the relationship is unequal and they're better than me
Nope. Happy to be formal to you too.

@Shearwater has nailed it.

But I'm in my late 60s and for once agree it probably is generational

I do know what you mean, OP, but absolutely nobody can pronounce my surname, so being called by title and surname has definitely lost its shine for me!

I always go by Ms. but often get called the wrong prefix.

I really dislike it when presumptions are made about my marital status.

If I see someone on a regular basis, hairdresser, beautician, my PT trainer, the butcher I use weekly I don't mind them using my first name.

But the random shop assistant or bank clerk, sorry, that's too informal.

Regarding calling friend's parents, in primary school where I saw all parents on a regular basis and where DD played with the girls I think noone minds. When she started secondary and meeting parents is a very random event I think she started out with Mrs xx when she came across one until the girls met up more frequently.

I don't mind but then I have a name which suits a person whether they are young or old

My biggest bug bear though is when people assume you are a "miss" - I do correct them that it's "mrs"

Sorry this is outdated, it’s more than fair for another human to call you by your name. Really it sounds quite uppity. Culture and language use move on. But on the other hand if someone said please can you call me such and such I would of course oblige but I’m return expect to be called something like Lady Marmaduke Cheesecake knob cheese in the lounge.

How could people possibly know if you are a Miss. or a Mrs.
The entire system where w Oman just announce her married status with her name is medieval

I love how north Americans address strangers as Mam or Sir.

I've always thought that they were saying Ma'am.

I don't think YABU to want people to use your title and surname. I don't interpret it as a superior gesture, but a defensive one.

I hate a title being used, so archaic having to declare my chattel status and if online forms absolutely require it I use "Mr".

@gingersausage
Why is it that people think they can shorten your name to what they think you should go by?

This makes me think we might have the same name.

Most telephone conversation of this ilk for me:
Them: Is that Elizabeth Bananas? Ah, Miss Bananas. Can I call you Elizabeth?
Me: Call me Lizzie.

But then I don’t care. I work in a school where the pupils use my surname but other staff always call each other by first name even in front of pupils to the extent that my boss has (jokingly) reminded me not to use surnames to refer to my colleagues when talking to her.

If you care, say. Otherwise, it’s fine.

@SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge - easy, just drop the Miss altogether.

In Germany we got away with the idea of Miss decades ago, i still remember my then ancient teacher insisting on it but otherwise the German form of Mrs is accepted as fitting for all women, married/partnership or not.

For me a first name means ~I am familar with the person using it.