To hate people using my first name

[Cloudyyy]

Is it unreasonable to expect strangers (shop assistants, clients etc) to use my title and surname instead of my first name unless I say otherwise? I just cannot stand the rudeness of being called my first name by a bank worker, just for example, without reason. We are not friends or colleagues, there is no need. It is presumptuous and rude. Is there ever a polite way of asking someone not to? I rarely dare say anything especially to clients and yet I really don’t like it. Do others think this is fine?

Yes I agree with some earlier posters, the default should be Title surname, and if the customer wishes to be called by their first name they can say so.

So, again, which title do you use for women?

What's a shop assistant supposed to call you, for example, if they left their crystal ball at home?

MiniMum97 Sat 05-Oct-19 00:48:56
YADNBU! I hate this. It's so overly personal and unprofessional! I don't want some random 18 year old ringing up and saying "oh hi mini how are you?" And who the fuck are you!?!? It's not appropriate in a customer/company relationship at all.

Wow - issues much? I'm in my 40's, my patients absolutely appreciate me calling them by their first name and have said it feels like I'm taking a personal interest in them and they're not 'just a number'

As for 'who the fuck are you' - says everything about which class you are - common as muck.

My aunt still calls her mil and fil Mr. and Mrs Smith despite being married to their son for 35 years and using their surname herself.
They've never told her she can call them by their first name and thinks it would be rude to do so without being told she can. They are very formal.

@beanaseireann fucking hell that's ridiculous, do they pronounce it Smyythe ?

I'm sorry but it's a bit silly to say you don't feel like you can say to someone I'd prefer not be addressed by my first when they've asked you if they can. They ask you for a reason so you've got the opportunity to tell them. No reason why there would be an awkward silence. If you can't even ask then you really can't do right for doing wrong

There is a rather charming custom in the American South of calling women Mizz Firstname. It comes across as kind of affectionate and also respectful. It's especially appropriate for women you know to be older than you but it works for anyone, though it's generally used a little ironically among young peers. I feel it could be imported and would solve a lot of issues.

@mathanxiety

I looked after some American children once and their mother taught them to call me Mizz Furry. I would rather just be called Furry to be honest! If I'd been in America I think it would have felt alright, but here n England, nah, just sounded weird!

Maybe after a few mint juleps...

I'm sorry but it's a bit silly to say you don't feel like you can say to someone I'd prefer not be addressed by my first when they've asked you if they can. They ask you for a reason so you've got the opportunity to tell them. No reason why there would be an awkward silence.

Exactly - the 'awkward silence' is 100% on you for being so precious.

And I hate when they ask if they can use my first name. As that then puts me in a really awkward position of having to say no you can't which is often met by a brief silence.
You shouldn't feel awkward about expressing your preferences. What would be better though is to be polite in doing so, and "no you can't" is rude. Try "I'd prefer you to use Mrs Mum97 please".

I like being addressed by my first name
It’s 2019 !!!!

I work in a call centre and we're told to call customers by their first name as we want to be more personal with them as a business.

I've been snapped at so many times I just don't say their name during to phone call at all now.

I think it's fine to say "just Mrs X is fine please" but don't be arsey about it.

Why don't you ask them instead? They can't complain if you ask. I ask and I can count on one hand the people who want to be called by their title over the years

I tend to prefer Mrs Toast. I once worked with a teacher who had a parent say to her 'I can't be doing with all this Mr and Mrs stuff - call me Dave' and she replied with 'I'd rather not - and you may call me Mrs Strict'

Usually calling anyone by any name is unnecessary. Usually people know when they are spoken with. No names is a good way to go

I’m quite happy to be called by my first name. Being called Mrs Surname makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. It sounds over the top and insincere.
My husband introduces himself as Mr Surname on the phone and it makes me laugh.
I feel like we’re not grown up enough to be called Mr and Mrs (mid 30s)!

I don't like it either but I'd never tell someone not to do it because I'd sound like an massive wanker.

raspberryk
Their surname isn't Smith in real life.

Yes and no.

When I worked in financial services it was always Mrs/Mr/Ms surname unless you built up a personal repertoire with the person and it was clearly ok to use their first name.

In the line of work I do now, it depends on their age and how I gauge the conversation. If they're older than me I always use their surname unless they tell me to address them otherwise, but if they're a simile age or younger than me and I get the right vibe, I use their first name, knowing that they would find it weird being referred to by their surname.

It's a personal preference. When I'm on the phone to the bank etc I don't mind if the caller uses my first name. It's my name after all. There are bigger things to get annoyed about.

Hmm I only really have issues when it's a power thing. At dd's camhs crisis apt the mh nurse probably a year ir two older than me was v patronising and said something like "I'm Ursula but can I ask if I can use your first name". Yes said I. She then started calling me "mum" wherein every fibre in my body wanted to scream, "you can call me Mrs Roses actually. When she wrote her summary of the meeting and care plan, dd was referred to as "Jane". Every other individual mentioned was referred to by title and full name: dr Paul Bigley-Brown, the head of Therapies Mrs Pauline Plonker, the GP Dr Bob Fuller. I was referred to as "mum" not even Jane's mum or mother.

I call that reductive and it is unacceptable especially when the person in question proved herself totally incompetent. Interestingly she took offence when I called her nursey but I simply was addressing her with the same degree of respect she afforded me.

I'm still in touch with my music teacher from high school, 25 years on. He always calls himself and his wife by their first names when writing Christmas cards and I just can't bring myself to!! I still always write Mr and Mrs, just like if I was telling my mum I'd bumped into them in town, I'd say "I saw Mr and Mrs X in town" but she calls them by their first names because she taught beside him. I just can't bring myself to, it feels so wrong. Even now when teachers at my daughters primary school call themselves by their first name to me in an email, for example, I can't bring myself to use their first name! As for people calling me by mine, I'm OK with it apart from random phonecalls from banks etc where they don't know me at all.

Granting everyone a title and full name and reducing one person to ‘Mum’ is entirely irritating and makes me feel annoyed just imagining it.

Wonder if they do the same to ‘Dad’ I bet it doesn’t get used so much.

Do the posters here suggesting your question is unreasonable actually care about anything of value in society??!! Good post OP ... its familiar and its disrespectful ... and in the Britain so many seem to be harping back to.. we used to know this. Grrrrrr!