To hate people using my first name

[Cloudyyy]

Is it unreasonable to expect strangers (shop assistants, clients etc) to use my title and surname instead of my first name unless I say otherwise? I just cannot stand the rudeness of being called my first name by a bank worker, just for example, without reason. We are not friends or colleagues, there is no need. It is presumptuous and rude. Is there ever a polite way of asking someone not to? I rarely dare say anything especially to clients and yet I really don’t like it. Do others think this is fine?

I am with you op and I have been known to correct people and say " Mrs Enko" if they use my first name. If they ask however "is it ok if I use your first name" it is rare I do not agree. however to me it is manners to check if first name is appropriate.

At the doctors I 100% expect to be called Mrs Enko (and I am) At schools for the kids I expect to be however at their primary school I got to know many of their teachers that well we over the years became first name terms. Its a progression imo

In retail banking they often only use your first name, so the person behind you can’t overhear everything. All it takes is overhearing your surname, date of birth and part of the address and you have enough material to start an ID fraud.

Feels old fashioned and as a pp said, a bit pompous.
Being called Mrs X makes me feel old!

It doesn't bother me at all.
DH is a dentist and sometimes has patients call him by his first name and he doesn't like that but that I understand.

I’m ok with people using my first name if there’s already any sort of relationship there - so the bank calling me Granville would be fine if it was my bank, but not a different bank cold-calling to offer me a loan “at a fabulous rate”, iyswim.

Something bizarre is that I used to call my first PILs Mr and Mrs Bloggs - married in the 80s, divorced in the mid-90s. Not that long ago, but I can’t imagine this happening now.

I think it’s generational OP, Im presuming you were born in the 50’s or before? If that’s the case it was the norm in that era, but has been changing steadily over the past 40 years or so.

I personally hate being addressed by my surname, in fact find the whole surname thing a bit of a throwback to a patriarchal society. Each to their own, I’m approaching 50 myself & would normally address my elders with their surname until I was told otherwise, but unless you are working in education, where it is still the standard (in a pupil-teacher situation, not a colleague one) I wouldn’t expect it or want it tbh. I’m glad that it being standard practice is dying out, I think it’s a good leveller as I don’t consider myself to be superior to anyone, bank teller or not!

I’d rather be called by my first name.
I got a letter the day addressed to Mrs.
I’m not married so I was furious.
To them it was an error. To me it changed the whole dynamics of my family. I don’t have this surname through marriage. I was given it at birth

I work in a bank and would never call a customer by their first name

Hey OP the 18th century called and want their manners back!

I'm quite old, post menopausal and all that jazz and cant see the problem. I would never use a title and surname for someone when I'm in my professional environment. I would find it just plain odd if someone did it to me and I'm a CEO, so I cant imagine expecting it elsewhere. I work with government ministers, business leaders etc and lots of poshies and it would really be very strange. If my hairdresser did it to me I'd think they were messing with me.

I suppose everyone is different, but personally I quite like people calling me by my first name. I’m a teacher so I’m Mrs ... at school and at home I’m mum/mama, other places I’m B’s mum or M’s mum or G’s mum and even T’s wife! So I don’t feel I hear it all that often. If you prefer to be Mrs ... just ask people to address you that way. 🍀

I don't mind being called by my first name generally, I do know what you mean in some circumstances though. What I really do mind is complete strangers taking it upon themselves to shorten my name within 5 minutes of meeting me/ talking on the phone. In some cases even even calling me a 'cute' version of the name! E.g. Starting off calling me 'Dexter' then in the next breath shortening it to Dex or Dexy. My friends and family often call me an abridged version of my name, which is fine. I think it's cheeky when strangers (usually salesmen) do it unasked, not knowing whether I mind, especially if I've introduced myself as 'Dexter' in the first place.

I don't like it at the hospital. It's not as if I'm going to call the consultant by her first name. But the hospital do ask which you prefer.

There's nothing I hate more in this world than being called 'Madam', it makes me feel like the grandmother from Downton Abbey! I used to get my eyebrows done at a twatty and pretentious local hotel because it was the nearest salon within a half hour radius - there was a bloke whose only job seemed to be to stand by the door so he could open it for me and call me 'madam' - I was a working class girl, and in my 20's!

I don't think there's much place for insisting on formal address anymore, it just doesn't seem that necessary. It's your name. Its there to be used to address you. It's not like they're calling you CloudyyyWoudykins, which I'd concede would be a tad overly familiar...

Of course you're free to insist they use your title and surname, but I imagine people will make assumptions about you based on that (whether consciously or otherwise), which may impact the service you receive, and not necessarily in a positive way.

I think it depends on the circumstances/relationship. However I hate being called by my full first name because the only person who uses it in my personal life is my "d"m and it comes with a ton of baggage.

What really really really pissed me off though was being called "mum" on the postnatal ward. If the NICU doctors could manage to call me by my name, you'd think the midwives who were meant to be "caring" for me could have managed as well but apparently not. The fact that I had postnatal psychosis and thought my son wasn't a real baby so found it so horrendously cruel didn't count for anything either.

I would rather my first name last name than Mrs Raspberry as that is my ex mil, but even worse when they presume you're a Miss or Mrs and are surpised at you correcting them. I personally feel we should do away with the titles, so outdated.

I hate it.

I especially hate it in emails when I don't know the person.

I'm Mrs Ogg unless I tell you different.

I agree with you op - it's Mrs Elliot until I invite them to use my first name.

I do pick callers up on it, particularly cold callers who start off addressing me as Anne.

You don’t really think every bank teller is being ‘rude’, surely? Why would they be rude to you? How odd.

I use my first name when introducing myself to patients and I use their first name unless they are over 60. Then I use Title Lastname until invited to do otherwise (it is very very rare not to be invited to use firstnames). I do this as there are a few older people who prefer more formality but even so they are in the minority in my experience.

This is something I can’t get my head around.. I’m open minded and understand we are all different. However why anyone (who isn’t up their own arse) would want to be referred to as Mrs/Ms/Mr Pedro baffles me. It smacks of being “Oh so important” and that the person addressing you is beneath you.
I’ve called a consultant by their first name as that is how they introduced themselves. Is someone with an “important” job better than the cashier in your local bank?

There's nothing I hate more in this world than being called 'Madam', it makes me feel like the grandmother from Downton Abbey!

Yup, 'madam' is ridiculous. It's also a bit shit when people in service jobs move on from 'miss' to 'madam'... It started when I was about 22, which is ridiculous as I look pretty young for my age. (Or at least I did before I had children...) These days, I sometimes get 'miss' again, which I can only imagine is some sort of attempt at flattery..?

But I digress. OP, YANBU. I don't like over-familiarity either. Especially from people who are selling something or providing a service.

It smacks of being “Oh so important” and that the person addressing you is beneath you.

I don't think it's about that, it's more about keeping a professional distance from people I don't have a personal relationship with, and not liking the fake friendliness that is used by people who try to push products on you. It goes both ways. I wouldn't call the bank teller 'Mary' either. (Even if it says so on her badge.)

I don't mind being called by my first name by doctors, teachers, etc. Sometimes people try to call me by my first name during hearings (at work) and they're supposed to call me "your honor," and u have to awkwardly correct them.

My daughter's teacher has started referring to himself by his first name in correspondence instead of "Mr _" which makes me kind of uncomfortable. It's against the natural order of things to call a teacher by his/her first name.

If I don't want a person to call me by my first name I don't tell them what it is.

In the case of people who already know it, hospitals and such, I would
much sooner they used my first name than assume I'm a "Mrs" or a Miss. .

I'm usually not bothered either way though.
I once, cos I'm an awkward sod, asked a hospital receptionist why she wanted to know if I was married or single. When she said it was because she needed to know which name she needed to call out when calling me in to see the consultant. I said my marital status was my business and she agreed that calling me user 1471 (I must get round to giving myself a "proper" name) was fine.

I really don't find being called by my first name at all demeaning.

I suppose it's a bit presumptuous when it's used by people who don't actually know me.

I
On the other hand id much sooner my first name than a presumption of my marital status (mrs, v miss)

Pedro
It's not about importance. It's about maintaining a distance. My consultant isn't my friend, she's a doctor. I want to keep the distance so that I can be objective about any decisions I have to make.