To hate people using my first name

[Cloudyyy]

Is it unreasonable to expect strangers (shop assistants, clients etc) to use my title and surname instead of my first name unless I say otherwise? I just cannot stand the rudeness of being called my first name by a bank worker, just for example, without reason. We are not friends or colleagues, there is no need. It is presumptuous and rude. Is there ever a polite way of asking someone not to? I rarely dare say anything especially to clients and yet I really don’t like it. Do others think this is fine?

My work place requires me to do this. I feel uncomfortable as I generally don't use names in conversation and it feels presumptious but the powers that be have decided that is what we must do.

A lot of you need to get call blocking on your phones, and stop going into the bank (who needs to these days?). It used to irk me when you had to hand over your bank card in a shop and they'd then call you by the name on it, but you shouldn't be handing over cards at all now. I don't remember the last time someone I didn't know used my name formal or informal, at all. Go into a shop, put item for purchase on the counter, shop assistant scans it and says that will be £25 please, you tap your card, say thank you very much take your purchase and leave. I renew insurance etc online, I book holidays online, I go out of my way to avoid having to talk to people, largely because 80% of my job is talking to people. It's always first name terms in my industry, even if it's the first time you meet someone.

I have a first name that it a little difficult to pronounce and it winds me up when random strangers (nobody has ever called me correctly) mash my name so in this case I would much prefer to be addressed by my family name.... which is quite easy to pronounce and is said exactly as it's spelt in English and most other languages I've interacted with...

I think the reason people started using first names was to avoid having to ask are you a Miss or Mrs and then there's Ms which says I'm divorced, which can make people's private lives a bit exposed.
First names made everyone one the same or people are always guessing what to use correcting people if you're now Ms and so on.

• @HoppingPavlova do you think maybe it was his father in law, not his own dad? smile*

Yes, makes sense. Thought the world had gone even madder for a moment there.

I call my in-laws by first name. If they had of asked to be called by title and surname I would have gotten around this by never referring to them as anything, hard but possible.

My Mum insists on calling anyone from her 20 something year old window cleaner to her solicitor 'Mr Whoeveritis.' Irritating as she always addresses women by their first name....

I worked for a large international corporation and it was first names across the board regardless of anyone's status in the company. There was no preferential parking for the higher echelons either. Everyone was on equal terms, apart from salaries of course! I much prefer to be called by my first name.

I agree with the previous person who said it depends on the circumstances and place.

I’d expect a bank to address me by my title - at least to start with. It’s a form of courtesy and professionalism. However, if I pop round to my local shop, then I wouldn’t mind my first name being used.

At work I’d use a title to address a customer. That’s the safest way. They can then say if they’re ok with me using their first name. Personally, I think it’s presumptuous in some circumstances to immediately use someone’s first name.

If you don’t like it, OP, just smile and politely say so. YANBU.

I hate being called Mrs Pixie, it makes me feel ancient! I prefer to be called Polkadot by anyone, professionally or personally

Although I do hate it when people shorten my first name. It doesn't shorten well and sounds awkward no matter what people shorten it to

I think the reason people started using first names was to avoid having to ask are you a Miss or Mrs and then there's Ms which says "I'm divorced", which can make people's private lives a bit exposed.
First names made everyone one the same or people are always guessing what to use correcting people if you're now Ms and so on.

I hate being called Dr ……. always get my patients to call me by my first name . I work with anxious patients so this puts them at ease .Not really sure why people feel so strongly about this issue

Well, you're not being unreasonable since it's your preference, but you're being so old-fashioned, it's untrue.

I'm 45 and have never been called Mrs Xxxx in my life!

I'm not in the UK, and it's been a generation since we used that level of formal title.

The kids call their teachers by their first name, the Dr uses her first name. Kids' friends call parents by first name.

And the sky hasn't fallen on our heads.

It would be horribly rude to outright correct someone for calling you by your first name. Instead, you respond, "I am well, Ms/Mr...?" And wait for them to supply their surname. You can then introduce yourself as you would like to be called. "I'm Title Surname, Lovely to meet you."

Personally, I love first-name chitchat with people at the grocery store/bank etc. But I was not brought up in the UK.

I found the need to refer to the teachers at dc's school by their title really bloody odd - it took quite a while for me to get used to it. Even now when I receive an email from a teacher personally written to me and they sign off email with Title Surname I mentally put them into the "must be a bit of a twat and a bit insecure" box. The HT signs herself off as First Name Second name - no need for a title, has enough respect and confidence already!

I get called Mrs Ball quite a lot. I hate it as Mrs Ball is MIL, I'm Ms Ball (not real names of course). Though that's normally in a school setting and tbf the teachers have enough pupils names to remember without adding parents into the mix so I seethe silently. I can normally tell when it's my bank or drs etc as they'll ask for Ms OhLook Ball, if someone calls me Mrs it's a give away. Sometimes I get calls for Mrs MaidenName from places, which is also a giveaway they aren't legitimate calls.

Ms has nothing to do with divorce and never did. And it is the only acceptable title for a woman if you know nothing else about her. She can correct you from there, but it is the polite go-to title.

@ltk for some reason 'Ms' has always made me feel about 50 years older than I am.

Glad I read your op. I don’t like the informality of people knowing my first name. I know times have moved on and using Mr/mrs seems old-fashioned now. However, it sometimes seem people are being over-familiar when a customer I never met before refers to me by my first name.

Also OP if I met you OP in real life in your hat and gloves I'd be right pissed off if you called me Mrs or Miss as I'm a Ms. Never changed my name - I bear my father's name not any other man's.

I'd much prefer to be called by my first name than you presumed and called me Mrs Boule. I'm a professional woman not a presumed possession. Titles are a minefield - and getting them wrong is worse than calling someone the correct name. Expecting reverence from bank staff and doctors and bank staff is ridiculous. Equality matters.

OP, I'm with you.
I h a t e people using my first name. The bank, I've complained but they still send me emails addressed with my first name.

How is 'just wrong' to call someone by their first name

It's wrong because its 'familiar'. It's very rude to take upon yourself the intimacy of using first names if you haven't been invited to do so.

You may call me 'Miss Patty'. 'Plastic' is for close friends and family only.

AmIThough You can respond with your preferred title or your first name. But people need to start somewhere if they don't know, only your surname.

I remember when the habit of calling parents of children by their title and surname, in a school or say maternity services was a snide way to judge women. Miss Smith the hussy single parent vs Mrs Jones the proper married lady.

Thank goodness we have moved on. First names are far more egalitarian.

I think the reason people started using first names was to avoid having to ask are you a Miss or Mrs and then there's Ms which says I'm divorced, which can make people's private lives a bit exposed.

Ms has nothing to do with whether you're divorced or not. In fact its entire point was to be a title for women independent of your marital status.

I really fucking hate being called "Mrs Vanhi". It's my mother's name. Had I ever got married I would never, ever have changed my family name and I certainly wouldn't have used the title "Mrs". "Ms Vanhi" or "Dr Vanhi" are fine and accurate. I have no objection to being called by my first name as I recognise that the whole thing with titles is a minefield. I hate people using "Mrs" others will hate people NOT using "Mrs" and you can't tell by looking at someone.

It's the 21st century. Conventions have changed.

I find it more uncomfortable to be called Mrs Double-barrelled maybe because it's such a mouthful!

My maternal gran calls my paternal gran Mrs Surname and they’ve known each other for forty years

I’m 29, being called Mrs Surname feels really stuffy. My first name is fine.