To hate people using my first name

[Cloudyyy]

Is it unreasonable to expect strangers (shop assistants, clients etc) to use my title and surname instead of my first name unless I say otherwise? I just cannot stand the rudeness of being called my first name by a bank worker, just for example, without reason. We are not friends or colleagues, there is no need. It is presumptuous and rude. Is there ever a polite way of asking someone not to? I rarely dare say anything especially to clients and yet I really don’t like it. Do others think this is fine?

steff13 against the natural order? WTF does that mean?
My children don’t call their teachers by their first name but their teachers introduce themselves with their first name. What a load of rubbish...
Oh and you’re a judge but use u instead of You 👍

One alternative to people using your first name is for you to go around wearing a badge encouraging people to 'ask me about my pronouns'.

I know what you mean, OP. I hate it, too, but it's the modern way. Personally, I think there's a lot to be said for formality - it makes life a lot easier.

Over here people use first names a lot more. I’m perfectly OK with it. I find people who insist on being called “Mrs ABC”’are a bit Karen-ish (and I always think they are going to ask to speak to the manager). I once dealt with a customer in the UK who constantly referred to her husband as “Mr XXX” and it just sounded wrong.

Young newly-wed women often insist on Mrs XXX. Anyone who’s ever dealt with passengers traveling on honeymoon will know that your life isn’t worth living if you dare call the wife anything other than Mrs XXX.

Not born anywhere close to the 50’s but I do prefer people generally not calling me Peaky until they know me. Wherever possible I give my initials rather than first name so I have to be addressed by Mrs/Ms Polly.
I also shudder a little when medical professionals address my DM by her first name. It seems rather condescending/patronising.
If anyone asks “May I call you Polly?” than I would have no problem saying yes but it is nice to be asked first.

My grandmother used to call her next door neighbours Mrs. ( whatever their surname)
After about 40 years they were on first name terms. She had moved house by then though.

I am fine with being called by my first name or surname. What really annoys me is when random people call me "boss".

Whose name is your last name? Your father’s? Your husband’s? Your grandfather’s? I prefer my first name is used. And I don’t even have the last name of any of the above.

@DarklyDreamingDexter it’s funny you say that you don’t like the shortening of your name because I really dislike people ‘full naming’ me, I feel like I’m being told Off so I often will say ‘Roo is fine’ when they call me Ruth to total strangers

Fixed rules on this went out the window when it became too bloody complicated to work out what people were supposed to be called. Families often don't share the same surname, some women like to be called Ms, some Mrs and others Miss, some people have one surname they use at work and another in their personal life. There are myriad ways to offend or upset uptight people and using a first name is not the most heinous.

I think it’s really weird unless you are pushing 80yo. I always addressed older people by their title and last name and younger people by their first name as that seems to be the expectation all round. Never had a complaint but there’s always one.

I actually have a title that a lot of people like to be used but unless it’s professionally by a patient in in a relevant context, I correct people to use my first name.

Bloody hell love, stay away from Yorkshire, your head might explode!

I have never got why calling someone miss/mrs surname is classed as respectful.

I find it really odd that people expect someone to ask permission to use my actual name.

Presumably your title is 'Dr' or 'Lady' and you want everyone to know you're superior to them?

Personally I think you need to get down off your high horse and not be offended by people using your name. It's what it's there for...

I don't want some snotty nosed cold caller who is young enough to be my child calling me by my first name when I'm old enough to be their mother. Call me CountFosco FFS. I have no problem with people I actually know calling me by my first name (hairdresser, colleagues, staff at dentist etc).

My GF was called 'Mr Halcombe' by DDad all his life, never told Dad to call him by his first name. Then towards the end of his life when he was in care all the nurses called him 'Bob' which was just wrong.

I blame the babyboomers, they were the ones who did away with formality in a time when you would be face to face with the person who was calling you by your first name. Now we get phonecalls and emails using our first name from people who couldn't pick us out of a lineup. .

@Ohyesiam and @DarklyDreamingDexter I loathe this. Why is it that people think they can shorten your name to what they think you should go by?

I go by my full name 99.9% of the time. My name has one obvious short version which I’ve never used in my life, and one which a few old friends still call me. Guess which version random people think they can use? Yeah, no. You wouldn’t suddenly decide to call someone named Claire, Susan!

@whatisthismess, this is a discussion board for discussing things. Not every topic has to be a matter of life and death. There’s literally thousands of threads on here; if this one doesn’t interest you, there will be hundreds that do.

Yes, I hate false over-familiarity just to get a sale.

I don't mind people I know shortening my name, however. As long as they don't misspell it.

Oh get over yourself. If you correct people, you’ll sound like an arse.

Goodness OP, did you fall out of a Jane Austen novel?

I hate Mrs Josipovic. That's my MIL. I have been married 10+ years and still don't really identify with that as a surname. I should never have changed it in the first place.

I still use Ms Maidenname for work and don't really care if people use that.

I really dislike automatic shortening of my name. Say my name was not Marius but Elizabeth, an astounding number of people just start using Liz, Lizzy, Betty, Ellie without me ever having addressed myself as that. It's really weird!

I always get the feeling that people who don't like being called by their first name, make the assertion because they think the relationship is unequal and they're better than me.

@BilboBercow totally agree. It's a power thing. Makes people feel like they are better than the person who they are talking too.

Then towards the end of his life when he was in care all the nurses called him 'Bob' which was just wrong.

How is 'just wrong' to call someone by their first name? Especially in those circumstances? When the carers spend most days with the people who live there.

My GF was called 'Mr Halcombe' by DDad all his life, never told Dad to call him by his first name.

What? You mean your dad called his own father Mr Halcombe and not ‘dad’? As in my kids would call me Dr/Mrs X rather than ‘mum’? Heh.

I always get the feeling that people who don't like being called by their first name, make the assertion because they think the relationship is unequal and they're better than me

Yes, I get the same feeling too.