To hate people using my first name

[Cloudyyy]

Is it unreasonable to expect strangers (shop assistants, clients etc) to use my title and surname instead of my first name unless I say otherwise? I just cannot stand the rudeness of being called my first name by a bank worker, just for example, without reason. We are not friends or colleagues, there is no need. It is presumptuous and rude. Is there ever a polite way of asking someone not to? I rarely dare say anything especially to clients and yet I really don’t like it. Do others think this is fine?

Sorry I meant Philomena or Phil! Wrong nn!

I have never, ever understood why people get wound up over being called 'X's mum'.

I know, this is particularly weird when the complaint relates to the A&E staff. How the fuck should they know my name? It's almost like looking for trouble.

I don't mind people calling me by my name, I do mind very much when people who don't know me well are over-familiar and take it upon themselves to shorten my name (e.g Jo instead of Joanne) I'm only happy for immediate family to do this. I also don't like it when teachers at school call me Mrs Partnersname as we aren't married and that isn't my name!

entropygirl I didn't especially mind being called Jane's mum. I minded very mich being called just "mum" usually in that rather terse "you mum" sort of way, accompanied by an eye roll if one ventured "I'm Mrs Roses, Jane's mum" Only my dc may call me that.

Oh yes, the first name shortening. My name has never been shortened. By anybody.

I said to a colleague it was innapropriate the other day (we work in complaints) and she said in her training last year they were told to call people by their first name to gain rapport! A lot has changed since my training 9 years ago!

I think if you lived in 1949, OP, you might have a point. However, you live in 2019 where all that master/servant, know your place and use my “title” bollocks is thankfully disappearing. You’ll get used to it, ducky.

I hope titles die out on forms etc. Ok maybe a Dr option but so many just want first and last. And it’ll probably grow in numbers as time passes.

Threads like this.
They make me anxious to use anyones actual name.

I find it totally bizarre that your name, that you have carried all your life and is a representation of you, should not be used.

Something about this particular issue makes me feel there's some deep seated insecurity (argh, don't acknowledge me as an individual), or maybe the total opposite (I'm very special and my special name is very special) going on with the person whos name must not be uttered.

Don’t be anxious Groggy, it’s only the occasional poster on MN who gives a shit about this, nobody in RL minds.

No I am the opposite. I think you hold an extremely old fashioned view, and you must be at least 65.

I've never liked my first name, so I prefer to avoid using it. But a plus side of working with my particular client group is that they are terribly unlikely to remember my name at all.

I find using the first name a bit warmer. Being addressed by the surname feels a bit cold and foosty!

Our bank people use my title and surname, it's fine.
The gp surgery staff call me by my christian name. I don't mind that, they perform intimate procedures on me.
Cold callers I get very angry with when they use my christian name; I tell them they don't know me, they have not asked permission, they are not my friend nor a relative, they are presumptuous; having had a mini-rant, then I tell them i'm not interested in what they're selling either.

I'm a fairly informal person. I suppose formality does still have a place in some settings, such as how my DD's teachers and school staff address me etc.

However, plenty of people do address me using my first name and that doesn't bother me at all. It has included my children's friends right from when they were babies more or less.

I would feel extremely pompous if I corrected someone who had (correctly) used my first name and said that they should call me Mrs. Surname.

My parents were always fairly formal about how we as children should address people like the neighbours, even if they themselves were on first name terms with them. We were always told to call them Mr. Surname or Mrs. Surname. Even if those people tried to suggest that we used their first names. I haven't stuck with this "rule" at all. It felt awkward and pompous, so I tried to avoid using the names at all. I haven't bothered with any such bollocks when bringing up my own DDs, who seem to have worked out very clearly for themselves when it is appropriate to use a title and when it is unnecessary.

OP, you need an Irish name that nobody can pronounce.

I invariably get addressed by my very English surname when someone I am dealing with glances at my first name written down.

@gingersausage I agree - the only thing I care about is being called Ms. I have used Ms since I was filling out forms at age 16.

I couldn’t give a Stuff what people call me, al long as it’s not rude.

I don't give a stuff what people call me, providing they address me as their equal. That's the issue I have in hospitals because invariably hospital staff seem to think that particular stakeholders within the relationship should be addressed as they are more important than the patient. My Dr may of course call me OhThe, providing they are happy for me to use their first name. If they expect me to use their title, they may not use my first name. I don't believe it's friendly at all, I believe it's to subordinate and undermine equality.

I'm in my forties and I MUCH prefer people I don't know to call me by my title and surname. I always give my surname when they ask for a name in coffee shops, and so on. If we're friends or if we're meeting in a non-professional context, of course I'll introduce myself by my first name and expect you to use it. But in a professional context, it feels very intrusive and presumptuous for people I don't know, and have often never even met, to assume they can call me by my first name. I don't think it's a way of saying that we are all equals, I think it's a way of saying they are the adult or the one in charge. To call me by my title and surname is a way of showing that they respect me and take me seriously.

how would a shop assistant know youre first or second name

My name comes printed out on receipts in many shops if I pay electronically. The shop assistants have clearly been taught to look in the spot where the name is and try to address the customer by name.

I am actually aware of many complaints about the practice because I live in an area (in the US) where there are many immigrants with names that are routinely mangled (think names like Boleslaw Krzyzewski, Babatunde Gbadamosi...) and it only serves to highlight the 'foreignness', creating bad feelings.

What do you think of this in a GP surgery. On the board male doctors - Dr Smith, Dr Singh, Dr O'Brian. Female doctors, Dr Kate, Dr Sunita, Dr Siobhan. Nurses, Jenny ,Lisa, Josie ?? The male doctors there can call me Mrs Surname, thanks.

I don’t want them to call me any name which is lucky because they don’t.

I also don’t address them as Dr anything

It’s all fine without it

paintedmaypole I think that's dreadful. I particularly dislike the Dr Kate business. It would feel very odd if the same Dr called me Mrs Jane. Personally I prefed to address the nurses formally because I don't think they are less important than the doctors.

That is gobsmacking, @Paintedmaypole.

They might as well have two boards, one labeled 'Doctors' and the other 'Lady Doctors'.

Doctors' offices I visit feature lists with Firstname Lastname, MD, and Firstname Lastname, RN, and everyone also wears a name badge with name and qualification or title - Firstname Lastname, 'Receptionist', or 'Office Manager'