To hate people using my first name

[Cloudyyy]

Is it unreasonable to expect strangers (shop assistants, clients etc) to use my title and surname instead of my first name unless I say otherwise? I just cannot stand the rudeness of being called my first name by a bank worker, just for example, without reason. We are not friends or colleagues, there is no need. It is presumptuous and rude. Is there ever a polite way of asking someone not to? I rarely dare say anything especially to clients and yet I really don’t like it. Do others think this is fine?

@LimitIsUp

It's not ageism when it's fact. I have never had a young or even middle aged woman demand to be known as Mrs. Only those who are OAPs. And it's also fact that in my experience, all of them have been entitled and rude. Obviously, I've had plenty of experiences with down to earth elderly people, but it's clear that I am not referencing them, here.

Hilarious Mumsnet logic. We can have threads upon threads about how men are shit, yet as soon as someone says a lot of old women are grumpy, entitled gits, you're up in arms. Are we forgetting the fact we might as well have a forum dedicated on here to MIL rants?

A lot of old women are bitter, irritating, entitled, controlling nuisances. Not all are, of course. But I have no issue in shaming those who are. Why should I bring other social groups into it when, in my experience, none of them act like everyone should worship the ground they walk on? I can only talk from my own experiences, and they are simple:

Young women don't do it.
Middle aged women don't do it.
Young men don't do it. Nor do middle aged men, or elderly men.

If your experience is different, then great. But this is my experience. It's not ageism when you tell it how it is.

Lets hope you never become an old woman

Sorry, I meant 'snobby old hag' of course

@LimitIsUp

If I live long enough to become an 'old woman', I'll definitely be on the polite side of things. Not waltzing around like everyone else is beneath me. It's a disgusting way to behave. For a generation that go on about the importance of manners, it's odd that they seem to be so very lacking for so many.

There are charming and lovely people in all age groups. There are rude and obnoxious people in all groups. Personalities don't change with age.

Personally I much prefer to be called by my first name. Re doctors- I work in children’s medicine. As a rule, the nurses at my hospital like to be known by just their first names. The doctors tend to use either just their first names or Doctor first name or Doctor nickname, depending on the area they work in. (Children find first names less scary, but in some areas of medicine they still use the doctor part for reassurance to nervous parents.)

I prefer Mrs for business or people I don't know (like phone calls) and I'd rather call people Mr or Mrs. I'm not pompous or precious, either. I feel first names are a privilege both ways, an extension of knowing someone better. When (say) the electricity people or similar folks phone and ask for, 'Susan' (meaning me) I always reply, 'Mrs X speaking. How can I help you?' I'm not iffy or frigid about it, I just say what I want to be called by strangers. In my shop I use 'Madam' and 'Sir' to customers and nobody has ever objected.

One of the issues here is that titles, especially for women, are a fucking minefield. You don't necessarily know a woman's preferred title and the only one that's correct for all women is Ms, which many don't like and a significant number pretend to think only pertains to divorcees and/or is hard to say. So you can't go for that either. At least when you use a person's first name it's what they're called, appalling mispronunciation notwithstanding.

I'm not sure I agree with that WellButterMyArse Invariably when I register for something: GP, gym, library, bank, etc, I complete a box that asks me to confirm my title. In most cases therefore the correct title should be available. I do think there would be much virtue in always referring to first name, last name. However when others in a relationship are addressed with a title I expect mine to be used too. I would prefer others to be referred to as first name, last name.

I said you don't necessarily know, you said in most cases. That is, both of us agree there are times when it isn't known. I'm referring to them. I'd agree with you also there's a lot to be said for wider use of first name surname.

Yabu. It's old fashioned to be called "Mrs /Ms/Miss x and z..."

I hate being Mrs dragons - it's my mother in law's name

I've just started working in a school setting. When calling a parent I refer to myself as Mrs Cake- is that odd? I just guess they might not recognise me if I said 'Carrot from school'. Maybe I should be less formal and say 'it's carrot cake from school'. Dunno.
I also have an affliction rather than a surname, and people get a bit nervous and therefore tongue tied when trying to use it. Should have just stuck with my maiden name.

Does it really matter?

I get more annoyed if people mispronounce my first name or shorten it. It is not an unusual name.

Lets hope you never become an old woman

Sorry, I meant 'snobby old hag' of course

Becoming an old woman isn't a choice.

Becoming a snobby old hag definitely is.

I cringe when I hear sales reps over using first names in an attempt to "make a connection", ancient crap sales training. I do like being called love , me duck and other assorted friendly epithets by shop and cafe workers though .

I’m 33 and would rather be addressed by my first name than Miss Surname as it just feels weird and old fashioned.

My first choice for someone I don't know would be for them to call me Ms Surname. But I hate being called Mrs, so I would prefer being called Firstname to being called Mrs Surname. It's really not the bank teller's business whether I'm married or not.

Would much rather people used my first name than call me Madam. That does wind me up 😂

I am with you OP. They other day during a visit to my Financial advisor a junior (teen) member of his staff brought me a coffee, as she placed on the table she said "Sue do you need anything else" i think the look on my face gave away my feelings and her boss ushered her out of the room.I didnt ask her to use my christian name and i certainly didnt say she could use a shortened version of my name that i have never been called.

I don't care if it is old fashioned. I find people who I have never met or introduced myself to using my first name really creepy.

Weirdly, I do not mind Miss, Madam, Love, etc offensive at all. Perhaps because they are general and don't assume a relationship.

The worst are complete randomers who come up to me, look directly at my badge, and then address me by my first name to ask for something. It makes my skin crawl.

I have literally lived more than three decades of my life not needing to do that but still managing to catch people's attention and ask for assistance when required. It is totally unneccessary.
Creepy fuckers.

I used to deadpan "My name is PonteLaCorona" , as soon as I caught creepyfuckers people studying the badge. What is wrong with looking at my face and saying "hi"?
Now I just don't wear it.

Oops, I do not FIND... offensive

I might mind being called Madam Offensive 😂

IMO you're being absolutely ridiculous - I'm a secretary in NHS and 9/10 I'll say 'Mrs Smith' and the patient will reply 'call me Sarah etc'

The only people I've ever come across who insist on being called 'Mrs whatsoever' are people with delusions of grandeur - not to mention being called your husband's name negating your individuality

God I'd never want to be called Madame. Just wrong. Surprised people like it

YADNBU! I hate this. It's so overly personal and unprofessional! I don't want some random 18 year old ringing up and saying "oh hi mini how are you?" And who the fuck are you!?!? It's not appropriate in a customer/company relationship at all.

And I hate when they ask if they can use my first name. As that then puts me in a really awkward position of having to say no you can't which is often met by a brief silence.

It's a very annoying way if companies trying to establish "rapport" and sell to you do don't be drawn in. It doesn't work, it just puts my back up.

What might sell to me is a company demonstrating that it has a bit of bloody respect for its customers!