To hate people using my first name

[Cloudyyy]

Is it unreasonable to expect strangers (shop assistants, clients etc) to use my title and surname instead of my first name unless I say otherwise? I just cannot stand the rudeness of being called my first name by a bank worker, just for example, without reason. We are not friends or colleagues, there is no need. It is presumptuous and rude. Is there ever a polite way of asking someone not to? I rarely dare say anything especially to clients and yet I really don’t like it. Do others think this is fine?

I would rather a stranger call me Colin for all I care rather than 'madam'. I'm a 29 year old woman who is neither spoiled nor the manager of a brothel, I find it really uncomfortable.

I have changed the names for anonymity but that is exactly how my GP surgery is. The receptionists also refer to the personnel in that way eg You could see Dr Kate at 9am on Wednesday or Dr Smith at 11am on Thursday.

@Paintedmaypole. That is shocking. However, is it possible that the women decided to have their first names there as they wanted to the patients to feel everyone was equal and it might make for a more relaxed atmosphere.

Even so, if that were the case, I think it would be far better to have all the doctors either use their last names or all use their first names.

All the doctors (male and female) in my surgery are listed as 'doctor' - the head doctor is a woman so anything else would be a bit odd - everyone else is listed by their first name.

First name! I wish everybody would use my first name instead of Ms. Shadow.

But that's nothing. A delivery driver called me 'Madam' once. I was 25 (and no, I don't look old for my age). Now THAT was really weird..

It only gets my back up when it's cold-caller type salespeople trying to push a product onto me and using my first name as a shortcut to some kind of fake chumminess.

I hate being called madam. When I introduce myself either on the phone or face to face I always give my whole name without a title.

By doing that I always feel it indicates that I'm happy to be called by my first name; does't always work but I suppose it's up to the other person what they're comfortable with as well.

I don’t really mind but I think children should use Mr, Mrs, etc when speaking to adults, unless they are told otherwise.

Yes, cold callers are a bit of an exception.

They're trying to sell me something, I haven't called them and actually don't want to talk to them so them calling me by my first name does rankle.

Don't phone me trying to get all chummy, we're not friends. Calling me by my first name in those circumstances is not going to make me start using your electricity company.

Some people seem to feel personally affronted at the OPs preference to be called by title and last name. I think there are also some incorrect assumptions about this - people inferring that it's pretentious or about demanding respect A number of posters have been unnecessarily rude and dismissive

I'm with the op. I don't like it when people who don't know me use my first name. For me it's about maintaining a polite distance (my default towards people I don't know is a guarded wariness - I am courteous just not effusive). I fully reciprocate and will use their title too. Also, I am not an arse so if the optician / supermarket delivery person / telesales caller refers to me by my first name, I am not going to correct them or recoil in horror. I just would prefer that they didn't

Obviously in a social setting I am comfortable and happy with first names

I am askance that some people seem unable to accept other people's preferences without being snarky (but this does in part explain why I like to maintain a distance with strangers)

FWIW I have a thing about this..I loathe titles of any type.
Particularly when anyone, from any where, calls me and tells me 'this is MR/MRS/MISS?MS Bloggs'.....Jane Bloggs, John Bloggs, is fine, but to title yourself.....no.....

I just use both first and surname at all times until I know someone - outside of work - and in work, both names every time.

Shadow I was called Madam in Harrods when I was 16! The assistant was old enough to be my granny!

I’m glad others feel the same way about Madam and lol at Polpot re Colin

I have thought about an art installation with Madam big with huge holes blown out or you get to shoot or throw paint at it. But could be quite hard work so I’ll describe it here instead.

I like to be asked, then I always say you use my first name only. I'm not sure what level of annoying that makes me. I do find it grates much more on the phone for some random to say "Hi M" and chatter on as though I know them, in person I don't wear a name badge and just give my first name. It is a bit funny when new graduates at work go for "Mrs Rex", there's one with every intake who needs reassurance that we're working in the 21st century. In work everyone is asked for as FirstName Surname, introduces themselves and then is FirstName. Well, actually I guess I've known a couple of Japanese men who like to be Surname-San, but apart from them.

I hate it, but that's because I have an Irish first name that people often get wrong.

Standard greeting is "oh hello, is that Ayuf? You don't mind if I call you Ayuf, do you"

It's Aoife and yes I do mind. If you know you can't get it right please don't bother.

I absolutely hate it when someone I know uses my first name in a message! Like they are making a point or telling me off. Particularly my ex so I've told him to stop!!

I don't like people getting my first name wrong. It's only a little name.
How they can get it wrong - they insist it is short for something and use the longer forms.

What are you on about MUM? I have a complex name; I don't mind if either part get it wrong. I mind when they go wa haa, funny name.

I am as old as dirt and I do not like it one bit when a young man of 20 calls me by my first name, particularly as it is a name that no one I actually know ever calls me by.

Something like my name is Rose but they would use Rosemary or Roseanne. It happens quite a lot.

I prefer to be called by my first name rather than Mrs Hearthside .My name can be shortened but it is only my best friend and DH who are allowed to shorten it anyone else nope .

You are 50 years behind social norms here. You can ask people to be really formal with you if you want. I think people should, and probably will, respect that. But you can't expect something that's not the norm if you've not asked.

It's up to you what you want to be called OP and you have that right, but it is rather out of step with social norms these days. Realistically you are going to be addressed by your first name sometimes because its 2019.

@LimitIsUp You are describing exactly how I feel! It really isn’t about a power play, just about maintaining an appropriate distance in a polite way.

@gingersausage on official letters I don't think there's any lower age limit - just went and checked and my DDs' letters from the bank have "Frau Toooold" on them and they started getting them when they were 4!

Ugh I hate having to wear a name badge. I work in public and it's especially annoying when a random member of the public chats to me and name drops my name as if I know them e.g " alright mrsmarmite, don't you think it's funny about....."