circumcision ... to be conflicted

[Forallyouknow]

Come from a culture where you have a boy = you get it done. Never paid much attention to it until - predictably - had a boy. Had a traumatic birth where baby nearly didn’t make it- he is well now. Literally as soon as he was home I’ve been pestered from every relative / acquaintance when we are having it done- they want a party where they give money to the child. I can’t bear to put him through intentional pain but it seems it’s a case of when rather than if... I don’t know anyone from the same culture who wouldn’t do it ( even the young ones) whilst I don’t mind going against the grain there’s a part of me that thinks we should- I don’t know why other than it’s just assumed you do it. Feel very conflicted over the whole thing. Unfortunately because it is normally celebrated with a big party everyone knows whether you have had it done or not so my plan to just hope no one notices whilst I decide hasn’t worked. Guess more wondering what others think of it than aibu...

One of my sons had a mild hypospadius, and it was mentioned by the medics but not encouraged.

In the U.K., do you just ask the GP? Midwife? How does it get done, given that it is an entirely unnecessary surgical procedure? Do you have to go private?

Would you want something done to your bits op?

Personally I feel it's barbaric.
Let him decide when he is old enough
Huge movement of people from culture where its done are choosing not too. Google it.
ALSO Google what can go wrong. Because things do go wrong, even at reputable places.
It's not respsibilty I'd want to take on. Your post highlights how atrocious culture can be and peer pressure that a mum who nealry lost her baby and doesn't want to slice him up, feels pressure to do so.

My dh is circumcised . He is not from a culture that expects it . It was not done for medical reasons . He has never felt able to ask his mother why he has had it done .
I asked her a few years ago and she cannot remember, but thinks that because they lived in an area of London that had a religious culture that did it , she didn't want him to be left out . !

whilst I don’t mind going against the grain there’s a part of me that thinks we should

I thought this was a newborn baby you were talking about and I was going to say, 'You need to get used to putting your child's welfare first, as that's something you'll be (or should be) doing all his life.

Then I read on and it turns out your child is 2 years old

Why on earth are you and his dad even considering the wider family and friends etc?

You're the parents here.

It is barbaric

I know its easier said than done. Just say no. Dont have the big party. When people ask about it say you arent having it done and you child's penis is nobody else's business. Dont be bullied into it.

I wouldn't do it for non medical reasons. But I don't think anyone should reproach themselves if there's a medical need. As much as anything because you wouldn't want your son to consider he had been mutilated if that need arose.

If you don't want to do it, don't. But don't let others make you feel bad about your decision either way.

My husband was circumcised at 9 and has suffered from this. He has decreased sensitivity and can only achieve orgasm in one position (Missionary) He has never orgasmed through oral sex.

You will have many times over the years when you will have to stand up for your child - this is just the first time. Don't pay someone to mutilate your perfect child, do you think he would be asking for this operation if he knew what it entailed?!

I heard an interview with a comedian who based a whole show on him wishing he wasn’t circumcised

Was it Tom Rosenthal? It was a good show. He said he’d not been circumcised for any particular reason, just to be the same as his father, and was very unhappy that it had been done to him.

I gave birth to two baby boys in the U.S. The first was born 45 years ago. I was told by my nurse midwife, (with the first) that circumcisions were not considered medically necessary and parents only did it because they wanted their sons to fit in with other boys in the locker room.

Of course we didn't get him mutilated. He remained in tact.

My second son, born in the late 80's is also intact. I had a long labor and emergency c-section and was a bit surprised when my baby's pediatrician came into my room and tried to talk me into getting him circumcised. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He even told me that father's wanted their sons to 'look' like them. That triggered me into becoming a mama bear. I shouted at him, "No one is coming near my baby with a knife"! He ran off.

I just talked to my youngest son about it and he is very glad I chased that doctor off and told me of all the boys in his high school there were only 5 who were un-mutilated. And one of them was a German exchange student.

I must add that the high school is tiny and there were only about 40 boys in the high school.

I must add to my post above that the school is very rural, in the middle of a large agriculture area.

I just talked to my youngest son about it and he is very glad I chased that doctor off and told me of all the boys in his high school there were only 5 who were un-mutilated

Did he use that term, "un-mutilated?" Because if so it's very unkind.

My son may be circumcised.

It's not something I want to do to him and the thought of it is horrific.

His would be for medical reasons.

At the moment he is getting treatment that I hope works so we can avoid a circumcision.

If will affect him when he is older if it is done. It's not something I would ever even consider doing to a baby.

OP seriously. Put aside all religious things and think about this illogically. You have a new baby and you are genuinely considering chopping a bit of him off for no reason whatsoever. Apart from because there's a party. Why not chop a finger off and have a finger chopping off party instead?! It's 2019 and you are an intelligent human being. Please don't do it.

*logically!

I applaud the OP for standing up to pressure and not having her son circumcised for no good reason but will people talking of mutilation please remember it's a medical procedure that is necessary in some cases, and be kinder in their language for the sake of mothers with circumcised sons.

I'm Jewish and declined to have my son circumcised and believe it to be an incredibly outdated tradition, some Rabbi won't do it now so the culture is starting to catch up.

Big drama with my family but they got over it.

My son ended up being medically circumcised at age 7 🙈 much to my nonna amusement.

I find the idea of circumcision barbaric.

I find the idea of celebrating the process, utterly horrific.

Did he use that term, "un-mutilated?" Because if so it's very unkind

No that is my word. I was the one who stopped the fucking man in a white coat from mutilating his penis. I notice many woman here using the term, do you just have issue with a man using it?

You just put me back in mama bear mode for attempting to label my son "unkind".

Don't feel pressured into making choices about your baby that you feel uncomfortable with just because it's expected. Your son, your choice.everyone else will survive I'm sure!

@TumblingTumbleWeeds I'm sorry if I sounded like I was labelling your son as unkind. To be clear, I wasn't, just the term (whoever used it).

I can’t imagine how you would even go about circumcising a 2 year old.

I find the idea of celebrating the process, utterly horrific.

I mean technically you're celebrating the baby and the circumcision is part of that celebration.

Doesn't make it a good thing but let's be accurate.

You can't be serious? You don't know whether to cut a piece of your sons body off, because your family keep pestering you to do so, so they can have a party? Do you realise how fucking ridiculous that sounds.