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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that no jury in the land would convict me

162 replies

TreacherousPissFlap · 02/10/2019 20:50

If DH "accidentally" got smothered by his own pillow?

DH is Extremely Sick. We all know DH is Extremely Sick because he's told us Hmm

I have grudgingly conceded that he probably hasn't done it, on my one day off alone in the house since early July, on purpose. However my patience was already extremely worn when the thin, reedy voice started, thinner still when he was so fatally weakened that (on his only foray downstairs) he was unable to lift his feet properly and made that schlep, schlep, schlep noise with his slippers.

Now the Extremely Sick arm has started, that sort of vague flapping action in the vague direction of a proffered cup

Thankfully he's taken offence at my lack of sympathy and schlep, schlep, schlepped back off to bed (irrational tizzy's are a well known side effect of DH being Extremely Sick) I feel rather mournful that we're at this stage already and it's only October - we have the whole winter to get through yet

OP posts:
theendoftheendoftheend · 02/10/2019 20:53

I hate to say I did see something somewhere recently that officially said men are wimps when poorly and it's not their fault. Thinking about it I wonder if that was written by a man Hmm
If you have a jury with a larger ratio of men I think you might be in trouble...
Get yourself an all female one you'll be fine!

TowerRavenSeven · 02/10/2019 20:53

You have my sympathies. My dh is at work only because I gave him a look yesterday when he said he was going to stay home with a sore throat from a cold. I mean really!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 02/10/2019 20:56

You have my sympathy, but your descriptions are hilarious! :)

Flowersonthewall · 02/10/2019 20:59

Oh god we get the 'I'm getting ill' routine when one of the children has a cold or something... he's worse during the run up... ' I can feel it. I'm getting Ill blah

JulietTango · 02/10/2019 20:59

But does he have the dressing gown of Doom

Original poster
TreacherousPissFlap · 02/10/2019 21:05

No dressing gown of doom thankfully. His dressing gown is a thin affair that looks rather like something Noel Coward would wear of an evening. It simply does not have the substance to support a body in the grips of Extreme Sickness.

DH favours an eclectic selection of whatever he can harvest from the chair / laundry basket / ironing pile. In my head I imagine him feeling all martyrish and not dirtying a clean set of clothes in case he expires before getting a full wear out of them.

OP posts:
Jayaywhynot · 02/10/2019 21:08

That was hilarious Grin

Witsendagain · 02/10/2019 21:10

I think you have the right by law to be judged by a jury of your peers.... Presuming your female, a good lawyer should be able to argue that your peers are similar age and relationship status women and so you will 100% be cleared of all charges. Or that is what I'm telling myself as I eye up a location for a new patio!

Witsendagain · 02/10/2019 21:10

*you're

Grambler · 02/10/2019 21:11

Did he take 1 paracetamol three days ago and is now complaining it's not working?

Perhaps you should make him wear the Dressing Gown of Doom. A real man would Grin

Jollitwiglet · 02/10/2019 21:12

I'm happy to provide an alibi

sheshootssheimplores · 02/10/2019 21:13

I’m chortling. Take up writing, you’re hilarious Grin

ssd · 02/10/2019 21:14

100%

Grin
AcarinaTeaBag · 02/10/2019 21:15

GrinGrinGrin I love it OP you got 100% YANBU

MerryDeath · 02/10/2019 21:15

wow it's most definitely a not guilty from me. and anyway you'd be doing him a favour putting him out of his sufferance. my sympathies to you (not him).

Original poster
TreacherousPissFlap · 02/10/2019 21:16

Yes grambler but then the agony of lifting a cup goes some way to explaining this.

Which reminds me, during one period of Extreme Sickness I was berated for I shit you not bringing a drink in an unacceptably heavy mug Hmm

We do laugh about it afterwards and he fully accepts that he is a dick, but since we've been together I have discovered deep wells of self restraint and patience hitherto unneeded.

OP posts:
NewMe2019 · 02/10/2019 21:18

Is there something wrong with my DP then? He doesn't do ill. Refuses to rest when he really should and I'm convinced he has asthma but he doesn't want to be broken so insists he is fine! Wtf! Be a real man fgs.

He had a really bad cold last year, wasn't well at all and still spent hours outside polishing a car in the winter. He felt awful but refuses to actually stop.

ThomasRichard · 02/10/2019 21:19

It’s especially infuriating when DP declares that he is ill/injured and express sympathy and suggest appropriate medical treatment only for him to shrug and tell me that he’s ‘alright’. Well, then you don’t need to repeatedly tell me about it!

To be fair to him, he did let me sob onto his manly chest when I had a rotten cold the other week, and lift my foot onto his lap to inspect my toe when I bashed it on a chair at the weekend. He does ill / injured sympathy very well Star

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 02/10/2019 21:20

Oh dear. He's going to need to sit in his dressing gown and play computer games and not interact with the DC in any way.

Has he got an unspecified "Temperature", not confirmed by a thermometer but nonetheless certain?

ThomasRichard · 02/10/2019 21:21

I* express sympathy

ICouldBeSomebodyYouKnow · 02/10/2019 21:23

I give you a DH who - when finally nagged to see the GP - gets pills, then won't take them because "they'll only make it worse". Confused

Oddly, my sympathy has its limits.

Span1elsRock · 02/10/2019 21:26

DH is a hypochondriac.

It's more luck than judgement that I'm not behind bars. For life.

DD only has to sneeze and we get the "oh no, she's brought germs home, and I can feel the back of my throat getting sore already". He buys bottles of first defence year round. I had cellulitis from an infected insect bite last week, had to go to OOH and felt really poorly with it. He then got up the next morning and said he could feel something starting to burn on his leg and should he use some of my antitbiotics as I'd obviously passed it on Confused.

It's a good job he has other redeeming qualities................

Fluffycloudland77 · 02/10/2019 21:26

Every Friday night “I have a cold”.

No cold appears. Rinse & repeat.

Whatdayisit2 · 02/10/2019 21:27

Just a word of warning- I was a previously fully subscribed member of the sceptical club, but this backfired on me when DH had sepsis last year, I was rolling my eyes as he called himself an ambulance (I refused, ambulances are for people who are having heart attacks) and I have since lived with 14months if 'I told you sos!'

MsVestibule · 02/10/2019 21:27

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/3404648-Im-totally-unreasonable-DH-putting-on-a-ill-voice?pg=6&order=

This is in Classics from last year. The 'sticking out tongue when coughing' would definitely make me murderous.

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