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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that no jury in the land would convict me

162 replies

TreacherousPissFlap · 02/10/2019 20:50

If DH "accidentally" got smothered by his own pillow?

DH is Extremely Sick. We all know DH is Extremely Sick because he's told us

I have grudgingly conceded that he probably hasn't done it, on my one day off alone in the house since early July, on purpose. However my patience was already extremely worn when the thin, reedy voice started, thinner still when he was so fatally weakened that (on his only foray downstairs) he was unable to lift his feet properly and made that schlep, schlep, schlep noise with his slippers.

Now the Extremely Sick arm has started, that sort of vague flapping action in the vague direction of a proffered cup

Thankfully he's taken offence at my lack of sympathy and schlep, schlep, schlepped back off to bed (irrational tizzy's are a well known side effect of DH being Extremely Sick) I feel rather mournful that we're at this stage already and it's only October - we have the whole winter to get through yet

OP posts:

sheshootssheimplores · 03/10/2019 07:09

Fucking hell ‘the sighing’. You’re right, that goes hand on hand with Extreme Sickness and it does make me contemplate euthanasia.

SunshineCake · 03/10/2019 07:10

Please all stop pandering to these man babies.

feelingfree17 · 03/10/2019 07:22

Thanks all for the best laugh - great way to start the day! Thin reedy voice. Schlep schlep slippers. Dressing gowns of Doom and hot ribena’s! I thought I was the only one!
And GetUpAgain - you are genius! Enjoy your winter holidays!

BuildBuildings · 03/10/2019 07:22

This thread has made me laugh do much. I was feeling a little bit smug my one didn't get ill that much (compared to me and my multiple conditions, ugh) but then remembered when he does get ill the cough... It's like he super charges it. When I'm ill and have a cough it generally hurts to cough so mine are pathetic. On the other hand he seems to relish it and try to make it really strong by taking a deep breath then projecting, including tilting his head up. Ahhh! So fucking loud and annoying.

feelingfree17 · 03/10/2019 07:23

Oh, and not to forget Scarf of Fevers! 🤣🤣

SignedUpJust4This · 03/10/2019 07:26

Mine does the 'death' s door voice' no matter what the ailment. Bad back, stomach bug, broken arm - it all goes straight to his poor throat.

JoObrien7 · 03/10/2019 07:30

@TreacherousPissFlap

Oh dear he has man flu ... A while ago I was ill with flu just before Christmas and struggled on dosing myself with paracetamol and cough sweets. I still had to take the the children to school do the housework and shopping. With Christmas approaching I was also doing the Christmas shopping and decorating the tree etc. Then just before Christmas he got the flu and he was like a wet dish cloth lying on the settee with a quilt thrown over him. He said "I never realised how ill you felt ... cough.. cough ..splutter!" Ha ha I must admit I enjoyed watching his suffering because he told me to pull myself together and just get on with it ... that's what I would do in your position

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 03/10/2019 07:55

This thread is funny

Does anyone remember the MNers DH who worriedly advised her he had been "lapsing in and out of consciousness"?

AKA having a nap.

My DD is like this, recently she was telling us how she nearly passed out at work because the air conditioning wasn't working (and by recently I mean last week so not exactly 30 degrees). DH and I have taken to saying "yes, and once I exaggerated so much i almost died". We never get bored of this

DH is the worst for not going to the doctor for anything (apparently skin naturally glues itself together after an injury involving a drill )

CryHavoc · 03/10/2019 07:57

I'm another one with a husband who is always tragically struck down by anything afflicting any other member of the household. And it's always a million times worse when he has it.
A few weeks ago I said I was going to skip my run because I was still a bit sore. 'Me too' he agreed, in his best Brave Soldier* voice, which puzzled me a bit since he hadn't mentioned that he was going for a smear test too.

*to make things worse he is actually a soldier, which makes me worry about national security sometimes.

MrsTWH · 03/10/2019 08:00

Normally I’m with you! However I did have to say YABU as my husband also had man flu last year. I had no sympathy as he was so melodramatic about it. I proper lost my temper with him. I ended up having to call an ambulance and turns out he had pneumonia which developed into sepsis and he was genuinely lucky to survive.

Secretbadlife · 03/10/2019 08:05

Op- you know those weighted duvets you can buy? Perhaps invest in one of those so he can't actually get up. Or as his dressing gown is obviously too thin make a dressing gown out of one. Everytime anyone is ill in my family suddenly dh is coming down with that. Whenever he's ill he still insists on going into work. He works with a bunch of women and they give him the wonderful vote (according to him! 😂) Goes to the doctor A LOT . But then he should be forgiven as he has Self Obssessed Syndrome. I often get an update via text although I guess I should be in awe that he can actually manage to lift a finger to text.

LakieLady · 03/10/2019 08:09

DP is remarkably robust and has only been ill twice in the 9 years we've been together. I know when he's ill because he takes himself to bed and stays there, being mercifully quiet and undemanding. I check on him every few hours and most of the time he doesn't even want a drink. The icing on the cake is that he doesn't even want to eat until he's well on the way to recovery (lost 10lbs in as many days when he had flu, the fucker).

When he's got a bad back he does the most ridiculous lop-sided walk though. He looks like he's auditioning (very badly) for Richard III.

My ex was the opposite, a total hypochondriac. One day, me and a friend were talking about someone we knew who'd just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer after years of being told she had IBS. XH decided he MUST have ovarian cancer, as the GP had told him he had IBS and none of the treatments had helped.

How I wish that, instead of roaring with laughter, I'd encouraged him to go to the GP and demand to have tests to see if he had ovarian cancer.

He really was a twat. Fuck knows how I ended up marrying such a simpleton.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 03/10/2019 08:11

Dh rarely gets ill so when he is I'm reasonably sympathetic.The one thing that pisses me off is him saying that getting kicked in the bollocks is worse than labour as "no man would choose to have it done twice yet women often choose to have more than one child" I fucking didn't as it was that bad! He does it to wind me up sometimes and it works

MedalMedalMedal · 03/10/2019 08:11

You may have seen This but it’s worth a mention

Original poster

TreacherousPissFlap · 03/10/2019 08:16

I haven't pandered though sunshine , the updates and histrionics are totally unsolicited.

I took him a cup of coffee this morning but then I would do that if he wasn't at deaths door. I enquire what he would like to eat as that seems a kindness, but I would be cooking anyway.

Aside from that I carry on my life with a supreme indifference.

OP posts:

Naomimi · 03/10/2019 08:22

My DH has a severe allergy to weekends. I’m a SAH/WFH (in the evenings) mum to three under four, still breastfeeding the youngest round the clock, and I so so so look forward to the weekend when there will be another adult around to share the workload a bit. But 10am every Saturday...

Furrows brow and massages temples

“Ugh, I’m feeling reeeeaaalllyy headachey”

Cue monosyllabic responses and general put-uponness/arsiness all weekend until the symptoms magically disappear at kids’ bedtime on Sunday!

🙄 YABU OP

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 03/10/2019 08:32

OMG both my dad and ExH were like this. ExH once had a panic attack, went to A&E and was told it was a panic attack-is still convinced he has asthma.

Therefore I was completely thrown when DP mentioned he wasn't feeling quite 100%. I asked him if he needed to cancel our date (being used to man flu) and he said no he was fine, it was JUST A COLD. I knew then I had to marry him (still waiting for the proposal but hey ho)

Jent13c · 03/10/2019 08:59

DH carries about a little bag of used tissues and adds to it all day...to prove how poorly he has been.
Only laughed yesterday when DS2 checked him over with his doctors kit then said "You are fine daddy, time to get out your bed"

deplorabelle · 03/10/2019 11:27

@naomimi does your DH drink coffee all day at work? Mine guzzles the on-tap filter coffee all day in the office, then gets a caffeine withdrawal headache at the weekends. We make sure he is well caffeinated by 9am Saturday now and he's much better.

longtompot · 03/10/2019 12:41

After I had pinched a nerve in my neck, and it was causing me lots of pain from my neck down my arm. My dh started to complain of similar symptoms, and I had zero sympathy for him as I'd just been through the same thing and not moaned about it.
After one particularly bad episode whilst walking the dog up some hills, I said to him to please see the gp. He came back and said its not a pinched nerve, its angina!! He was about 45 then, so the last thing on our minds. Ended up having a few stents fitted. I did feel quite bad about that.
But he does do the oh I think I'm getting what you had schpeel...

MouthyHarpy · 03/10/2019 13:04

If DH "accidentally" got smothered by his own pillow?

Well, you know, I'm sure a group of us were having coffee wit you when that happened.

carly2803 · 03/10/2019 13:45

lol just for how well written this was - i will give you an alibi!!

Cauliflowerpower · 03/10/2019 13:58

My DH is the opposite. He once went to work (via the tube) with a gyppy tummy and had to get off at every stop for the loo...

YUK

The only time I've known him take time off was when he had a bad back and could not get out of bed!

Naomimi · 03/10/2019 14:47

@deplorabelle OMG, this is actually a serious possibility, now you mention it!

ButchBitch · 03/10/2019 15:09

My DP does the driest, least necessary cough in the world then proclaims "Ugh, I've got a chesty cough"

Or sniffs for hours on end then tells me he's full of snot and feels all bunged up. BLOW YOUR NOSE YOU CUNT

The first sign of illness for my DP is when he returns home from work with a bottle of Lucozade. It's the international symbol of "I'm about to feign the Plague for a couple of weeks"

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