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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that no jury in the land would convict me

162 replies

TreacherousPissFlap · 02/10/2019 20:50

If DH "accidentally" got smothered by his own pillow?

DH is Extremely Sick. We all know DH is Extremely Sick because he's told us Hmm

I have grudgingly conceded that he probably hasn't done it, on my one day off alone in the house since early July, on purpose. However my patience was already extremely worn when the thin, reedy voice started, thinner still when he was so fatally weakened that (on his only foray downstairs) he was unable to lift his feet properly and made that schlep, schlep, schlep noise with his slippers.

Now the Extremely Sick arm has started, that sort of vague flapping action in the vague direction of a proffered cup

Thankfully he's taken offence at my lack of sympathy and schlep, schlep, schlepped back off to bed (irrational tizzy's are a well known side effect of DH being Extremely Sick) I feel rather mournful that we're at this stage already and it's only October - we have the whole winter to get through yet

OP posts:
PrincessMaryaBolkonskaya · 02/10/2019 21:31

OP you can’t possibly have smothered him with a pillow if you were sat on my sofa all night drinking wine ....... Wink

DrDreReturns · 02/10/2019 21:32

God forbid if he's actually ill. It's only man flu...

thistimelastweek · 02/10/2019 21:32

This is the one that truly tests me. ' well i hope it's just flu '

flouncyfanny · 02/10/2019 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GregoriaTheGreat · 02/10/2019 21:35

I haven't even RTFT, but I have voted YANBU, and I would have voted YANBU twice, given the chance.

It all reminds me to be grateful that I am divorced. XH used to wear the Scarf of Fevers. He would sit there in the sodding, bastarding Dressing Gown of Doom and the Scarf of Fevers, shivering dramatically, holding out his hand, and saying: "look at my hand". Apparently the Scarf was the only thing that would stop him dying of what he called a "low-grade infection".

I feel stabby at the memory. No jury would ever convict you, OP.

Original poster
TreacherousPissFlap · 02/10/2019 21:35

I need to head to bed in a moment which will be fun Hmm

DS needs a lift home tomorrow and text to ask if DH would be able to do it - he referred to him as "SickNote" GrinGrin

OP posts:
Original poster
TreacherousPissFlap · 02/10/2019 21:37

Oh gregoria, the Scarf of Fevers has made my night Grin

OP posts:
GetUpAgain · 02/10/2019 21:37

Every time DH gets sick I wait until he is better and then genius alert, drumroll please I come down with whatever he had. And spend the equivalent amount of time BEING ILL. While he is better so has to do all house and child responsibilities. Its bloody marvellous. This means I am v cheerful at putting up with sick DH because I know I will get a little holiday from life once he is better 🤫

GregoriaTheGreat · 02/10/2019 21:37

PS whichever odd person voted 'YABU' is a troll.

GregoriaTheGreat · 02/10/2019 21:38

Crossed with you, TreacherousPissFlap. The Scarf of Fevers may have made your night, but I am quite sure it contributed to my divorce. Grin Grin

Oysterbabe · 02/10/2019 21:39

The other week DH came downstairs with his hood up and made himself a hot ribena. I should have just finished him off there and then, much less suffering for both of us.

AwdBovril · 02/10/2019 21:41

My DH & I have been laughing at the OP's descriptions on this thread. Then I reminded him that while he may not get Extremely Sick, he is annoying in myriad other ways. He is now trying to sulk, & is refusing to look at me. I have the giggles, which is apparently proving unhelpful to his attempts to sulk.

And now I'm getting the side-eye. He's definitely cracking. Grin

flouncyfanny · 02/10/2019 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThanosSavedMe · 02/10/2019 21:46

I’m so lucky, dh isn’t one of those men who suffers from this. It more me that gets man flu 😳 Hes far more patient than me and I am getting better though

RightYesButNo · 02/10/2019 21:47

Did he take 1 paracetamol three days ago and is now complaining it's not working?

I thought my DH was the only one who found the magic bottle where one pill has some 72-hour half-life! Ay, love, don’t worry - wait another eight hours, and I’m sure it’ll come back around and start to kick in again Hmm

Rayn · 02/10/2019 21:47

OP. Brilliant. At least he goes to bed. My DH insists on lying on the sofa so we can all see he is ill!!!!

Grumpelstilskin · 02/10/2019 21:47

DH is thankfully not too bad when ill and just sleeps. And it mercifully happens quite seldom. My best friend's DH on the other hand is constantly sick with something, usually after diagnosing Doctor Google, even annoying everyone around him and not just his longsuffering wife. A while back, I ordered some of those medieval Plague Doctor's masks and we wore it round him when he was whinging about being ill again. Much hilarity ensued. Not by him, he was miraculously fit enough to flounce off in a power sulk. In all fairness though, he got noticeably better since.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 02/10/2019 21:47

PS whichever odd person voted 'YABU' is a troll. Or a man.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 02/10/2019 21:48

Is now the time to lay a new patio, @TreacherousPissFlap? Because if you were to entirely accidentally bury your husband underneath one, not only do I agree that there isn't a jury that would convict you but you'd probably get a Damehood for services to womankind.

I remember my ex complaining so vociferously that he was Possibly Coming Down With Something that I agreed to go and get him a takeaway (which, as we all know, is the only possible way of heading off what was almost certainly a bout of ebola) despite the fact that I had an actual fucking stinking cold.

Yes, it was more than 10 years ago. Me, bitter? I don't know what gave that impression.

DoctorAllcome · 02/10/2019 21:49

This is a joke right?

MsVestibule · 02/10/2019 21:51

@GetUpAgain that really is genius!! Has he worked out your evil revenge plan yet? Or does he just think you're really unlucky to catch exactly what he had, for exactly the same length of time?

GregoriaTheGreat · 02/10/2019 21:52

No, not a joke, DoctorAllcome. It is deadly serious.

sorry I didn't say 'lighthearted' when I slated my former husband: we kind of understood that an urge to bury a man under a patio was lighthearted when I joined MN 18 years ago, and didn't need to say so

As you were, as we used to say.

WifeofDarth · 02/10/2019 21:55

Aaarrrggghhhh! My dh is exactly the same. You can never muster as much sympathy for them as they have for themselves. I think murder is a bit much, maybe just head to a hotel til he's fully recovered.

Ziraphale · 02/10/2019 21:55

I have the opposite problem. DH is obscenely healthy and some kind of indestructible, impervious freak of nature who shrugs off illness and injury. Which means that he has no frame of reference and genuinely thinks that people who are ill or in pain are just being weak.

This went over very fucking badly when I was in labour.

Oflawrence · 02/10/2019 21:55

DH refused to kiss me this morning in case I caught his terrible cold! Hadn't noticed I've had it all week and used paracetamol and got on with it!!!