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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that no jury in the land would convict me

162 replies

TreacherousPissFlap · 02/10/2019 20:50

If DH "accidentally" got smothered by his own pillow?

DH is Extremely Sick. We all know DH is Extremely Sick because he's told us Hmm

I have grudgingly conceded that he probably hasn't done it, on my one day off alone in the house since early July, on purpose. However my patience was already extremely worn when the thin, reedy voice started, thinner still when he was so fatally weakened that (on his only foray downstairs) he was unable to lift his feet properly and made that schlep, schlep, schlep noise with his slippers.

Now the Extremely Sick arm has started, that sort of vague flapping action in the vague direction of a proffered cup

Thankfully he's taken offence at my lack of sympathy and schlep, schlep, schlepped back off to bed (irrational tizzy's are a well known side effect of DH being Extremely Sick) I feel rather mournful that we're at this stage already and it's only October - we have the whole winter to get through yet

OP posts:
Countrylifeornot · 02/10/2019 21:58

My DP is Very Poorly just now too. I am a nurse and have advised him of what to do... Apparently it "won't work, I'm too poorly for paracetamol and fluid".

I am due to give birth any day now, Jesus had better help the man if he utters one whisper about being ill as I push a human being out of my vagina.

MooKnee · 02/10/2019 22:00

Yanbu my DP will do the voice, repeatedly tell me he’s ill approx 8 times an hour, cough in the most annoying loud way ever with no hand over his mouth Shock
And that’s only the start of it

Cheshiregap · 02/10/2019 22:04

Is he coughing like this?

To think that no jury in the land would convict me
Serenity45 · 02/10/2019 22:05

This thread has made my night Grin

Sadly DH doesn't provide me with an amusing man flu related anecdote...however best friends DH had quite a nasty cold last year and in deadly seriousness said to her "I honestly think I might be dying"

Cue both of us crying g laughing about it the next day in the pub while he wallowed in The Pit of Death at home

Tolleshunt · 02/10/2019 22:05

Cracking up reading this. I have one of these too, it’s just i’m feeling too genuinely murderous to muster up the means to write humorously about it. If I hear one more quavery request for another Lemsip, all of an hour and a half since the last one, I will smite the bastard.

On another note - who the fuck voted you are BU??

TheBabyAteMyBrain · 02/10/2019 22:08

When the kids get ill, dh always catches it too. He's away with work atm so we communicate by text and I let him know how the kids are doing and how they are feeling. According to his messages earlier, not only is he lurgified but he must be teething as he's got the exact same symptoms as the baby Hmm

The best, and most embarrassing for him, which he now really regrets is the day we got back from a rather scary time with ds1 in the hospital and dh announced he had an illness and was ssssoooo poorly (I imagine tbh it was a reaction to a very stressful time) he was told very sternly to fuck off to bed if he's ill because I hadn't the head space for a moaning man child while our actual child was still extremely ill and needing a lot of care. He did straighten up pretty sharpish. Fool.

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 02/10/2019 22:09

What PP mentioned the upcoming doom when a child is ill? We get it too. Days and days of ‘I think i’m coming down with their bug... my eyes are watery’ hours of self analysis before the illness hits, then the blow by blow account of how ‘it’s gone down to my chest’.

Stephminx · 02/10/2019 22:09

I’ve just had this with my DH.

To be fair, he was hurling while sitting in his dressing gown of doom while complaining of his “poorly tummy”.

Although once the hurling stopped he did then trough a chilli ! Whilst complaining of feeling weak, achy and generally pathetic...

Don’t know why i expected anything else when he’s still complaining about the tiny scratch I gave him on his hand whilst pushing out his 10 lb + baby without the drugs I repeatedly asked him/the midwife to get for me !

They’re all useless !

LittleTopic · 02/10/2019 22:10

@Ziraphale my DH is like this too! You know when he’s unwell as he will voluntarily go to the GP. Otherwise he is sickeningly, gloatingly healthy. I almost punched him when he told me, 18 hours post c-section, that a “nice walk” would be “good for me.”

He once went into work with a head injury Hmm but one day he called me and said ‘I’m going to the walk in centre, I feel terrible’ and it totally threw me.

He had sepsis. I’d spent three days rolling my eyes at his man flu Blush

2018SoFarSoGreat · 02/10/2019 22:13

OP you made me laugh. Then weep, just a little, at what we suffer, when they suffer

My lovely DH has a special - no, THE special knitted scarf thing. He also wears multiple layers, and makes the most hideous throat/chest noises, whether it is a cold man flu or broken limb. He does, however, go to the shop and buy the entire stock of cold and flu medicines. Literally, spends a week's grocery money on medicine. Which never works.

All of this I could live with, but the constant "I'm ill" refrain wants me to stab his eyes out. Literally. not lighthearted in the least

Get better, OP's DH. Or on your own head be the pillow it.

Elletine · 02/10/2019 22:16

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 @TreacherousPissFlap you are hilarious

Original poster
TreacherousPissFlap · 02/10/2019 22:17

I've just sneezed and a small reedy voice has piped up from under the covers,
"Oh no, I hope you don't don't get my germ. I don't want you to feel as awful as I do"

OP posts:
OMGshefoundmeout · 02/10/2019 22:19

I think under the circumstances the jury would deliver a verdict of ‘justifiable homicide’ and possibly have a whip round for you.

katseyes7 · 02/10/2019 22:19

My ex husband was actually less bother when he had gangrene in his hand following an industrial accident than he was when he had a cold. Men are a pain in the arse with colds and stuff like that. Total babies.

BoggiesBonnieBelle · 02/10/2019 22:21

My ex once took a day off work because the evening before I had had an early night with a hot water bottle. Apparently he'd caught what I had. He was lying in bed all sorry for himself hugging a hot water bottle to his poorly sore tummy. Yup, a whole day off work because apparently period pains are contagious.

CharityDingle · 02/10/2019 22:22

he must be teething as he's got the exact same symptoms as the baby

Grin
Echobelly · 02/10/2019 22:27

This thread is having me in hysterics!

I've actually got more tolerant of DH being ill since he explained that he only goes on about how unwell he is because he wants to be clear that the reason he's not doing more or helping is because he's ill (though sometimes I do feel 'Can't say you're being a great deal less "helpful" than usual' Hmm )

The annoying flipside is that I seem to need a massive neon sign to make him realise I'm really unwell, eg

Me (in morning): I'm not very well
DH:

Me (a bit later): I think I've got that thing DD had, I'm really feeling a bit crap
DH:

Me (afternoon, sneezing and blowing nose): Ugh, this cold is really gross
DH:

Me (evening): Look, could you do X? I've got that bug DD had and I'm really not up to doing much
DH: Oh, I didn't know you weren't well!

73Sunglasslover · 02/10/2019 22:29

You totally have my sympathy! That said, my OH was poorly last year. I dismissed it as 'man flu'. He carried on working but more in bed (works from home). Then I got sick. Really sick. And I got hospitalised. And they swabbed to see what it was. Turned out it was proper flu (which for me also led to pneumonia). I felt a teeny bit bad for dismissing my OH when he actually had flu. Managed to get over that though!

ThanosSavedMe · 02/10/2019 22:29

🤣🤣🤣

morrisseysquif · 02/10/2019 22:34

YANBU - my 'P' has already started with the 'I'm coming down with something' whine, I expect to hear it with regularity until March.

And the slipper schep.... oh how I'd like to ram them down his throat.

BuckingFrolics · 02/10/2019 22:34

That cat cough!!! That's exactly how they cough - those poor, suffering men with colds

MoonageDaydreamz · 02/10/2019 22:35

The most annoying thing is when he is ill he lays around shivering and miserable but won't even take a paracetamol or lemsip as he doesn't believe in taking drugs but when I'm ill I'm virtually frogmarched to the gp by him to get antibiotics.

It's almost as if me being ill is more inconvenient for him than him being ill... Wonder why...

aurynne · 02/10/2019 22:36

Does anyone's DH get the "Tourette's cough""?

"COUGH... Shit!... COUGH COUGH... Fuck!... COUGH Crap!"

Why can't you just cough and shut up?????

jamimmi · 02/10/2019 22:44

Sunglass your not the only one. Mine woke me up at one am wearing dressing gown of doom saying his.throat was closing up. He had moaned about that before. He was advised in no uncertain terms if it was that bad to go to A& E as I needed to sleep ( 3 nights.teething baby) felt quite bad getting a phone call from the hospital at 7 am to say they were keeping him and might need to intubate him. Was worse when I then had to go into work in the same dept🙁

Oysterbabe · 02/10/2019 22:44

When DH's cough keeps him awake he does dramatic tossing and turning, just so I know he's awake. It's like the orca show at seaworld.

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