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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed?

175 replies

PinkButterfly855 · 02/10/2019 20:30

Met new colleague today. I assumed she was on work experience as she looked 18 and asked her if she was, to be met with a frosty "No. I am 35.' Absolutely amazed but also highly embarrassed as she looked angry. I then thought she sounded different so asked her where she was from as her accent was so strong and she said "Nowhere? I grew up here.' Again, really surprised but also embarrassed.
Got it very wrong on two counts and now feel really awkward. How do I come back from this?

OP posts:
Moominfan · 02/10/2019 20:32

God I wish I had her problem Smile they might get it all the time op. I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/10/2019 20:33

Try smiling and saying good morning

AND NOTHING ELSE Grin

Whynotnowbaby · 02/10/2019 20:34

Yes that is a bit embarrassing on both counts. I think I would try and speak to her tomorrow, apologise and say how embarrassed you felt and how you had no intention to offend her and ask if you can start again.

Original poster
PinkButterfly855 · 02/10/2019 20:34

I am embarrassed as she seemed to take it badly twice and went bright red/looked pissed off. 😑
Hope I haven't made her feel like I see her as a teen with a weird voice.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/10/2019 20:35

How, exactly, did you ask these questions?

relax2 · 02/10/2019 20:36

This happened to me but the person was rude. Told me to "come back when I had more life experience as an adult" when I told him I was actually 32(at the time) he looked so shocked, said he assumed I was a teen Hmm I'm quite glad though now I have good genes!!

Duckegg271 · 02/10/2019 20:37

I’d be so flattered if someone mistook me for 18 when I was 35! I don’t actually think that’s something you should embarrassed by, she’s made it awkward with her reaction. I would have just laughed it off. Same with asking her where she was from. No biggie.

Mummadeeze · 02/10/2019 20:37

Ha ha ha, don’t over think it. Just be friendly and normal going forward and hopefully it will all be fine. I wouldn’t apologise as it will make it more into a thing. I don’t think personally I would be that offended by either of those comments. You weren’t being rude or mean intentionally.

YouJustDoYou · 02/10/2019 20:38

I had this. Tesco manager treated me like a piece of shit because he thought I was a student - totally flattered, haha!!

Caterinaballerina · 02/10/2019 20:40

I looked at the date of birth on my new starters passport and did the maths which made him 16 to me (because the 90’s is only 10 years ago right!) and made a huge fuss about him being the youngest member of the team. It’s now just a running joke so you could apologise and offer to be the butt of any jokes to be made about your unfortunate introduction.

Tetrus · 02/10/2019 20:40

Well it's probably because it happens her all the time, if she looks like a teenager she'll be fed up hearing that. Not your fault. I'd probably say nothing for a while thoughGrin

Original poster
PinkButterfly855 · 02/10/2019 20:43

With the age thing I said something like 'I remember being on work experience at your age, about 18.'
The accent thing, I sort of said "Wow. That's a really strong accent. Are you kiwi?" I honestly can't believe she isn't. She sounds like she was born and raised in New Zealand.
I guess she hears both comments a lot and takes it as an insult.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 02/10/2019 20:43

I was on the other side of this a while ago, I was mid 30s, about 8 months pregnant and carrying a laptop into a meeting when I was stopped by someone who asked if I was a student and lost. She then argued with me when I said it I was i she was meeting and spent the next hour looking at me askance and not listening to me. It’s not always flattering when based on your looks someone assumes you don’t belong somewhere because you’re too young and inexperienced.

Never ever ask where someone is from!

parrotonmyshoulder · 02/10/2019 20:45

Both your comments are weird and rude really. You don’t need to make personal comments to someone you’ve just met.

Original poster
PinkButterfly855 · 02/10/2019 20:47

I was just trying to be friendly and to get to know her. I feel bad now.

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 02/10/2019 20:48

She doesn’t need to hear it a lot to find both your comments odd and full on.

24hourshomeedderandcarer · 02/10/2019 20:48

my sister gets this constantly,it drives her mad

shes 33, married with 3 kids(oldest is 11 and half)

shes 4ft10,6st with b cups and size 3 feet,has natural white curly hair that she wears in plaits(im 6ft J/K cup,size adult 13 feet,nearly 17 st with natural jet black hair)we are poles apart

she doest wear makeup, so she does look a teenager,it was like she stopped growing at 11/12

every where she goes she gets asked for id,which gets her back up

she took my 15 y old to the cinema the other week to see his first 15(it was IT)hes 6ft 2 with facial hair and size 12 feet so doesnt look 15.he got in no trouble she got asked for id as they thought she was his 13 y old girlfriend

she kicked off and waved her car keys shouting im his bloody aunt im the one that drove us here, ive just turned 33 and showed her driving license,cinema girl didnt know where to look and apologized over and over

dont feel to bad i would apologize for getting off on a bad start but you genuinely though she was young

Original poster
PinkButterfly855 · 02/10/2019 20:50

Yes, she had no make up on, thin, small built, young face and voice.
I will apologise as do worry how I made her feel. I got it very wrong clearly.

OP posts:
Whitejasmine · 02/10/2019 20:51

Similar happened to me in that I got talking to a woman in a cafe with a very strong apparently American/Canadian accent. I asked her where she was from and she looked annoyed and said “I was born and raised locally!” (This was in Cheshire!) - it was bizarre, she was clearly lying for some reason or maybe had some MH issues!

As for the age thing I agree she should be flattered!

Aquamarine1029 · 02/10/2019 20:51

What you said/asked was cringe worthy and really awkward and inappropriate. You had literally just met her. I don't blame her for being put off.

Jennifer2r · 02/10/2019 20:53

Next time, try saying "welcome to the team. Let me know if I can help you settle in"

Without any rude assumptions about their age or experience.

Original poster
PinkButterfly855 · 02/10/2019 20:53

WhiteJasmin my colleague genuinely is from round here but crazy how she sounds JUST like she was born and raised in New Zealand.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 02/10/2019 20:54

Some people just don’t like being questioned, or being the centre of attention.
I would generally prefer people didn’t make remarks about me, it can feel a bit invasive.
I realise that makes me a bit grouchy , and I also don’t get pissed off with people for doing it because it’s usually meant ina benign way( just filling up space sort of thing) or it can even be a slightly clumsy way to try and connect.
But all that said, deep down I’d still rather people didn’t.

Fluffyhairforever · 02/10/2019 20:56

Meh don’t worry. My husband looks 14 when he shaves his face. It happens. It’s a good problem to have!!

Walkacrossthesand · 02/10/2019 21:01

I work with someone who speaks with a scottish accent but swears blind she has no connection with scotland. So now I think it's a bit 'put on'. I wonder if that's the case too for the people mentioned above with 'denied accents' ?