To be embarrassed?

[PinkButterfly855]

Met new colleague today. I assumed she was on work experience as she looked 18 and asked her if she was, to be met with a frosty "No. I am 35.' Absolutely amazed but also highly embarrassed as she looked angry. I then thought she sounded different so asked her where she was from as her accent was so strong and she said "Nowhere? I grew up here.' Again, really surprised but also embarrassed.
Got it very wrong on two counts and now feel really awkward. How do I come back from this?

I think the 'wow that's a really strong accent' comment was a bit rude. You could have just asked where she was from without that bit, so I'm not surprised she was perhaps a bit put out!

It’s a good problem to have!!

It really isn’t. Certainly not from a work point of view.

I've met someone who hated that they're often seen as younger than they are. Wish I had that problem.

The accent thing probably seemed weird to her, but was just a mistake. How embarrassing! Hugs xxx

I wonder if that's the case too for the people mentioned above with 'denied accents' ?

People can never tell where I’m from by my accent. It isn’t in any way “put on”

I get the age thing a lot, and sorry - but it is annoying. People tend to think I’m early 20s, I’m actually 37.

In work situations it can be very annoying when I’m either new or am meeting people who don’t already know me and they assume I’m a junior/first jobber. They talk to me differently, or not to me at all. As soon as I start talking and it’s obvious I’m experienced and know what I’m talking about they soon change their tune though.

I’d be pissed off if someone said what you did to me on my first day in a new job. Just say sorry and get on with it. And don’t make assumptions about people in the future!

With the age thing I said something like 'I remember being on work experience at your age, about 18.

Oh, dear!

I’m 40 and have had this problem since I hit puberty. For those who think they’d enjoy it, I suspect you’d perhaps enjoy looking like a youngish adult, ie, mid to late twenties. Not a teenager when you’re an adult woman!

OP, not much you can do about it now and yes, perhaps she does hear such comments a lot. But in this context, an adult female with umpteen years of employment behind her, starting a new job, probably nervous and keen to make a good impression, demonstrate themselves to be capable and competent etc, has been mistaken by a new colleague for a teenager on work experience. That is unlikely to go down well!

As for the second comment, not as bad as the first, imo. It’s the fact that it came on the back of the first gaffe.

You can do work experience at any age, you could be retraining for example. I wouldn't worry OP, I'd just be normal and friendly tomorrow but don't say anything else remotely personal. I wouldn't be apologizing because your going to end up digging yourself in a deeper hole.

As for the second comment, not as bad as the first, imo.

Actually, I take that back. You told her her accent was “so strong” that you thought she was from elsewhere.

I think you need to think a bit more before you speak, OP. Especially in a work environment.

You can do work experience at any age, you could be retraining for example

Except the OP actually said 18.

I agree about not apologising though (I think!). Best draw a veil over it.

And confine all future commentary to remarks about the weather.

Sorry OP I get the wow young look get ID’ for paracetamol, but your comments did seem a little bit full on and rude. I’m pretty laid back but I would have met you with the WTAF this woman did 🤭

My tax accountant DD turned up at a bank where she had been contracted as a very expensive consultant. The receptionist tried to herd her into a room with a lot of teenagers there for a summer internship induction!

I wonder if that's the case too for the people mentioned above with 'denied accents' ?

I get people asking me where I am from. I have even had people go no, where do you come from. I was born in London, lived in England, can't help my accent and find it pretty rude and I promise it is not put on

We are sadly going to end up in a society scared of opening our mouths for fear of offending someone.

Wow OP. I have aspergers and can say stupid stuff but even I wouldn't have said either of those!

She needs to get over herself. She’ll be glad if it when she’s an old gimmer like me.

We are sadly going to end up in a society scared of opening our mouths for fear of offending someone

I find refraining from commenting on complete strangers’ appearance or characteristics usually reduces the chances of causing offence quite considerably. ¯\(ツ)/¯

I'm 42 and was id'd twice in the last week. I'm am very short so I assume it's often because people don't look at anything other than the height!
Also, my middle DS sounds like he's from Croydon. We're Scottish, live in Scotland, and he'd never been to England till he was about 7. It's very odd.

I used to get this alot.
I once went to collect dd from a birthday party I knocked on the door the birthday girls dad answered. He starts shouting on dd telling her, your big sister's here to collect you.
I told him repeatedly I'm her mum. His response was you must have been a naughty school girl.

Yeah I've had this when i started my last job my colleague who was helping train me was so rude and said to me 'oh so are you doing this part time whilst you are at college?' I just kind of laughed and said ha no I'm doing it part time as I have two daughters and I also left college 12 years ago I'm 30 😂 she did look mortified and she turned out to be a real pain in the arse but I wasn't annoyed about the comment. I get more annoyed about the people who say 'it's a good problem to have! You will be happy when you are 40 and look 30!' no, it's not, my daughters friend referred to me as her sister the other day, apparently a few think I'm her sister and my mum is their mum 🙄 it can get annoying as it makes you feel like you won't be taken seriously but tbh that comment alone shouldn't impact your relationship, just don't mention her age again 😂

We are sadly going to end up in a society scared of opening our mouths for fear of offending someone

Good. It will make a pleasant change from casual racism/sexism/ableism/agism and general stupid comments.

I asked her where she was from and she looked annoyed and said “I was born and raised locally!” (This was in Cheshire!) - it was bizarre, she was clearly lying for some reason or maybe had some MH issues!

Or maybe you just got it wrong?

I have two carers who both get mistaken for my dd frequently, the amount of times they will hear ‘is your Mum or Dad in?’. It’s funny as one really looks like me and has worked for me since she was a teenager. The other looks nothing like me- so I don’t get that one. I don’t look particularly old either, although I am 5’10 so perhaps us tall people are assumed to be older whilst shorter people are assumed to be younger!

It happens to me all the time. She has probably been treated like shit by so many because of this. People think I'm my dd older sister and completely ignore me when I go to pick her up from places. It really does upset me sometimes.

She doesn't sounds very nice. Surely if she looks younger she gets that all the time.

A new colleague said to me, oh is this your first job since uni then. I just said em no, I've had quite a few since then. He obv thought I was early 20's but actually I was 30. When he was taken off to be introduced to other depts a few colleagues mentioned it and we had a laugh about how I looked like the junior lol.