WWB more U to keep cat whilst not liking him, or to rehome him?

[TheFurminator]

This is long, sorry - but I'm in a real quandary over this!

We got a cat about a year ago. Partner grew up with cats and wanted one. I am the polar opposite of a pet person but thought it would do him good as he is not great at expressing his emotions and thought having a pet would give him an outlet for affection etc.

We wanted to get a rescue cat, maybe a bit older, but no shelter would home with us because we had a toddler (she's about 2.5 yrs now, very very gentle but they didn't care). We heard of a lady fostering a rescued kitten via a Facebook page, she checked us out and was happy with us, he came to live with us at about 12 weeks old.

Problems started almost at once - he was very aggressive, kept biting and clawing and attacking our feet every time we came into a room. However we figured that was just kitten behaviour and he'd grow out of it if gently discouraged. It didn't he got worse. When he was old enough we got him neutered and he settled down a bit but not much. We felt persecuted every time I came into a room he was in as I couldn't relax, he was always trying to bite us or scratch us and would never leave us alone. But we persevered as we'd made a commitment, hoped things would improve.

Eventually when he was big enough we fitted a cat flap, and he became much better - spent a lot of time out of the house, and when he did come in was much more relaxed. We make sure he had all vaxes, use Spot-On religiously every 30 days. Thought things were on the mend.

But since summer he has begun shedding hair constantly - literally can't stroke him without huge hanks of hair coming away.

I don't think he's ill - full of beans, very glossy, no thinning of the hair - it just keeps coming! It covers every surface, gets on all our clothes, is clogging the washing machine. It drive my partner (who is very fastidious around the house) INSANE. Doesn't bother me so much, but my partner won't stop moaning and it is ruining our home life as he won't ever just settle down and relax, always chasing the cat around with the brush or chasing me/DD around with the sticky roller. Cat is white so shows up on everything. Means DP is very critical of cat and not very nice to him (not abusive, just won't let him sit on his lap as fur, tries to brush him all the time, doesn't have a kind word for him as so frustrated). I didn't even want a cat so find it hard to be affectionate to him, I had expected DP to do that as he wanted one so much!

Additionally, despite the Spot-On, he has started bringing in fleas. DP and I both regularly bitten, though DD seems immune. Have flea-treated the whole house to no avail (he's only allowed in the kitchen and one other room downstairs now anyway after clawing up the carpets upstairs). Fur I don't mind, but parasites make my flesh crawl.

And he still claws and bites (playfully, but even so) whenever we try to stroke him when he comes to sit on our laps. It's more like having a dog than a cat, he can't amuse himself when we're around, just wants to chase our hands and feet all the time!

Fundamentally, we don't enjoy him, and we shouldn't have got him in the first place. But we did, so I'm trying to work out what the best thing to do is as I can't take another decade of the constant bad atmosphere in the house his fur and general behaviour makes with my DP. Nor can I abide the fleas.

So should I:

a) try to rehome him with someone who will love his playful, needy personality (feels irresponsible but has potential to be a good outcome for all of us)

b) turn him into an indoors only cat to deal with the fleas (still leaves the fur problem, and seems cruel as he loves outdoors)

c) restrict him to the kitchen and the outside world via the catflap (controls the fleas and the fur, but doesn't seem much of a life for him as won't get much time with us)

d) Suck it up as it's our own fault for getting him, and be miserable for the next 10-15 years

e) Rehome DP so I don't have to listen to him complaining?

If anyone has any top tips re fleas and/or fur then I'll try anything, but we already brush him all the time and use the Spot On so don't know what else we can do!! If we could get even the fur under control the rest would be bearable I think.

DD doesn't care either way, totally ignores him most of the time.

Just rehome the poor cat, he sounds stressed, as do you. It sounds like nobody in your family remotely likes him or understands any cat behaviour. Your child ignores him?
You can't force yourself to love a pet. I think you're just not an animal person.

What's done is done. You're trying to do the best for him now. I adopted my two from a couple in similar circumstances - they adopted kittens and then realised that it was a big mistake and that it wasn't going to work. They're great cats, and I'm still in touch with them as owners to give them updates. I'm glad that they recognised that rehoming was necessary.

So, next steps. The chasing would be my priority. Cats don't like to be chased around, and your cat will be picking up on the negative vibes that are being caused because of his shedding (which he can't help). I think the biggest change for the better that you can possibly make is to stop your DP from doing that; it's threatening and will be making your cat feel uneasy in his home. If your DP can't do that, I think rehoming is the only option.

In the meantime, though, definitely get him checked out at the vets for the fur loss and fleas. In terms of toys, don't have any play that involves hands and feet. There are so many types of toy out there now, and many cats enjoy very simple things (one of mine loves chasing ping pong balls, and "catching" bits of cardboard which I hide under newspaper or a worn out rug for her). Biting like you describe is possibly: over-stimulation (a message to you to stop doing what you're doing), a sign that he doesn't want you to be touching him where you are, or a sign of affection (one of mine nibbles my fingers whilst purring). Try stopping what you're doing the moment it happens and see if that helps.

And finally... does your cat have a space where he can go to feel safe and/or watch the neighbourhood? Cats are curious and really enjoy looking out of windows. Some also really enjoy being able to sit up high where they can't be pestered. If you have anywhere like that that you can use, use it - it may be useful for redirecting his energy and/or giving him a place to avoid all the chasing.

Give the OP a break, she is asking for advice, not how to kill the cat!

Please don't bathe him, you will need to go to A&E. All cats shed fur, it might be a medical or a stress problem, but probably not. Get a shark hoover, it is the best for getting all the hair up.

If he is rolling around and showing his tummy, do not scratch it, when they do that it is him showing that he trusts you, he doesn't want tummy rubs, that's why he bites and scratches. Maybe try watching some behaviour videos on youtube to better understand him.

Get some more toys, wand toys with feathers are always good. Yeowww Catnip cat toys are good too. He will calm down, he is only 1 years old, by the time they get to about 3, they sleep most of the time.

If your DH is mean to the cat, it really is best to get him rehomed, but I would rehome DH before I would rehome my cat.

And he's not 'attacking' really - he seeks us out, rolls on the ground, invites stroking/play - then grabs at us claws out, or mouths us - never breaks the skin or anything. It's playful. It's just annoying! The poor deluded creature likes you and is trying to engage with you. You really are not "cat people"! Find a rescue that will undertake not to put to sleep and which does reasonable checks on who they rehome to. Or find someone you know and trust who will take him.

longtimelurkerhelen

'If your DH is mean to the cat, it really is best to get him rehomed, but I would rehome DH before I would rehome my cat '

😂😂

One of my cats shed a lot of fur, not like an ordinary moult but she'd sit still for hours on end and when she finally moved to go somewhere else there would be a ring of fur where she'd been sitting. The vet prescribed steroids for her but in her case, the hair falling out was due to stress. We had mum cat too and they weren't getting on (mum was stressed too and overgrooming) so we had to rehome one of them. Very agonising decision but it was in the cats' best interests.

Your cat doesn't sound too bad stress wise, I second buying Indorex for the house (one can does an average house), Advocate for the cat (mine has never had fleas), a new gym/cat hotel (if you don't rehome him) and a better cat food (mine gets the runs if she eats Felix) like Greenwoods, Encore, Applaws - all more expensive but high percentage of meat and no grain content. (I get ours from Zooplus.) Some fishing rod/wand type toys are good as they keep your hands away from the action as PP have suggested.

TBH OP I think there are far worse owners out there, at least you are trying to do the right thing by the cat. When I was looking for a cat myself I was horrified by the amount of people advertising their cat for sale as their "baby is allergic" So many allergic babies! And they said things like "Need gone asap" which just seemed cold and hard-hearted to me.

wait till you try and give him a bath

Unless your cat gets accidentally covered in something like oil or paint, they don’t need bathing. They do a perfectly good job of keeping themselves clean.

noodles

You must have been looking on gumtree or similar to have seen listings like that. Not a great place to rehome a cat from

@GoosetheCat

It's true, I told him that too. I believe that a pet is for life and any problems are our responsibility to sort out and not the pets fault.

We had just moved and our young cat was very unsettled and misbehaving. He suggested rehoming, I told him "you will go before the cat does" he soon changed his mind.

I think you should rehome. Sometimes you don't realise what a massive pain in the arse pets are til you get one, and I say that as a pet owner who has kept all her pets throughout their lives.

Our vet says the flea treatments you can buy in shops no longer work, and so we have a prescribed one which does. They have recently stopped prescribing Frontline, as the fleas are immune. If I was you, I'd take him to Cat's Protection or the RSPCA for rehoming. Pets are supposed to enhance your life, and yours is not doing that. You can explain the problems, and they will make sure he is rehomed to an experienced owner, who knows in advance what to expect.

OP that sounds like a difficult situation, for all of you.

I thinks some posters have been rather harsh on you, and you don't deserve that. We all makes mistakes and you haven't neglected the cat, you've tried to show it affection, but it sounds like it's all been an uphill struggle and your DH hasn't stepped up in the way you hoped he would, considering he was the one who wanted a cat in the first place.

Concerning the cat's behaviour, it sounds like it was a feral kitten and perhaps learned to fear humans early on. Also, it's habit of chasing and biting feet sounds like its hunting nature has developed more than a normal domestic kitten, perhaps because from a young age it needed to chase anything that moved just to be able to eat. I think if the cat was calm and affectionate you'd all be a lot more tolerant about dealing with the hair shedding and flea problems, but sadly the cat has some behaviour problems that make it difficult to love it.

In your position I would rehome it. Personally, I love white cats and think many people find them very appealing, plus the cat seems healthy and is still young, so hopefully it could end up in a good home. Perhaps it would be happier with another cat for company, who it could happily chase and play with, rather than attacking peoples' feet.

I feel so sorry for the cat who you seemed to expect would provide some sort of therapy for your husband but obviously wasn't expected to behave like a cat. You should re-home the cat through a cat charity asap.

Frontline doesn't work well any more. You need something decent from the vet

he was part of a litter found in the wild

And that might be the root of the problem. There is a very short window of opportunity to socialise kittens. If they are not handled and used to humans from a very young age they may never learn to enjoy being petted.

I second james wellbeloved, encore, greenwoods, ( hills made one of mine ill) royal canin ( who do food to match your cats needs) and wild freedom ( which mine go loopy over.

I actually wouldn't recommend speaking to your vet about food. They will sell you whatever rubbish they get commission from. Our vet always tries to sell us a mediocre quality dog food and I now just smile and now while inwardly thinking "I actually feed her a more natural, better quality, grain free food for a lower price than the junk you're peddling.."
Do some research online. There's some brilliant pet food around now.

I feed my cat Gourmet wet food with Purina biscuits & her coat is lovely & shiny.
She's very fluffy black & white & sheds a lot but actually refuses to be brushed!!

She's young too & loves to play, most young cats do.

However now she's finally relaxed around me she likes to try biting me when playing.
If this happens I push her away, say NO loudly then pay her no more attention for s short while. If you have the patience you could try this with your cat to discourage the biting & scratching behaviours.

I recommend trying catnip toys with your cat to get him to chill out, my cat is a highly nervous rescue cat & her catnip toys calm her down.

I use Frontline to stop fleas, you also need a wormer.

Take the cat to the vets for a health check.

If you find you really can't bond with your (adorable sounding) cat then a no-kill shelter is best.

Don't just give him away or sell him online as it's not necessarily safe for the cat.

I've been a cat owner all my life (I'm pretty old) but I wouldn't dream of giving you a hard time about this.

You made a mistake. Your DH gave every impression of being a cat lover, you thought it would work. It turns out that he isn't, and it hasn't.

Cats cope with changes of family easily (all mine have been rescues, and after an initial 'wtf am I?' day or so, they quickly made themselves at home and became affectionate and playful).

Your cat doesn't sound unhappy at all, but the odds are he'll be at least as happy if not more so, with a more engaged family. So don't feel guilty. There's a family out there who'll be delighted to have him.

Fur wise, I try to give my cat a sleeping place
I see where she likes going then blanket the area

Thank you all for the input (even the scolding) - it has given me perspective. He is honestly well looked after but perhaps I can be more proactive on the fur and fleas. The other stuff wouldn't matter if I could get that under control. He's not a bad cat at all, I know - but I hope we can find a way to keep him as even though we're clearly not cat people we did choose him and he shouldn't be messed around if we can help it.

Picture attached as he lolls between us while we catch up on BakeOff, just to prove we don't actually hate him and he's not totally miserable!

Worth trying yumega which is an oil that helps with skin and hair coat. Also a good quality cat food will improve behaviour occasionally. Lots of cats toys. Fipronil doesn’t work so look for bravecto or stronghold from the vets. Make feeding fun - slow feeders, make it a challenge to use his brain stop chasing him with a brush.

He seems adorable, such a shame you don’t like him (maybe I’m biased as I have had far more difficult rescue dogs and cats and never thought of giving up). He would be better off with someone else who is more animal friendly but there is already a shortage of homes for cats. Maybe try somewhere like Cat Protection League (there seems to be a fairly regular turnover in the cat cabin I sponsor there so I think they are good at finding homes for their cats).

Ohhh he’s lovey.
This has made me a bit sad. I know it’s ridiculous, I know you’re not mistreating him, but I hate to think of his family not even liking him. 😭

How much effort does a cat take really? They literally look after themselves

I give mine some snuggles and feed them, that’s it! The rest of the time they entertain themselves as cats generally do.

Your overthinking the whole thing OP.

I've got two cats, one longhair, and one short, and they are shedding a LOT of fur at the moment - I do wonder if the previous poster who mentioned climate changes was on to something. I made my life a lot easier by buying an handheld wand-type vacuum cleaner which lives on its charger and which I mainly use to get rid of cat fur throughout the house - its very quick to scoot around corridors and stairs to get rid of cat tumbleweed as I call it.. And toys on sticks or at the end of a bit of string are great for engaging with cats when you don't want them to pounce on you. And finally, I was given what is actually a dog toy - a sort of ball that you can put dry food in (or dreamies) and which, as the cat plays with it little bits of food fall out - hours of fun...