WWB more U to keep cat whilst not liking him, or to rehome him?

[TheFurminator]

This is long, sorry - but I'm in a real quandary over this!

We got a cat about a year ago. Partner grew up with cats and wanted one. I am the polar opposite of a pet person but thought it would do him good as he is not great at expressing his emotions and thought having a pet would give him an outlet for affection etc.

We wanted to get a rescue cat, maybe a bit older, but no shelter would home with us because we had a toddler (she's about 2.5 yrs now, very very gentle but they didn't care). We heard of a lady fostering a rescued kitten via a Facebook page, she checked us out and was happy with us, he came to live with us at about 12 weeks old.

Problems started almost at once - he was very aggressive, kept biting and clawing and attacking our feet every time we came into a room. However we figured that was just kitten behaviour and he'd grow out of it if gently discouraged. It didn't he got worse. When he was old enough we got him neutered and he settled down a bit but not much. We felt persecuted every time I came into a room he was in as I couldn't relax, he was always trying to bite us or scratch us and would never leave us alone. But we persevered as we'd made a commitment, hoped things would improve.

Eventually when he was big enough we fitted a cat flap, and he became much better - spent a lot of time out of the house, and when he did come in was much more relaxed. We make sure he had all vaxes, use Spot-On religiously every 30 days. Thought things were on the mend.

But since summer he has begun shedding hair constantly - literally can't stroke him without huge hanks of hair coming away.

I don't think he's ill - full of beans, very glossy, no thinning of the hair - it just keeps coming! It covers every surface, gets on all our clothes, is clogging the washing machine. It drive my partner (who is very fastidious around the house) INSANE. Doesn't bother me so much, but my partner won't stop moaning and it is ruining our home life as he won't ever just settle down and relax, always chasing the cat around with the brush or chasing me/DD around with the sticky roller. Cat is white so shows up on everything. Means DP is very critical of cat and not very nice to him (not abusive, just won't let him sit on his lap as fur, tries to brush him all the time, doesn't have a kind word for him as so frustrated). I didn't even want a cat so find it hard to be affectionate to him, I had expected DP to do that as he wanted one so much!

Additionally, despite the Spot-On, he has started bringing in fleas. DP and I both regularly bitten, though DD seems immune. Have flea-treated the whole house to no avail (he's only allowed in the kitchen and one other room downstairs now anyway after clawing up the carpets upstairs). Fur I don't mind, but parasites make my flesh crawl.

And he still claws and bites (playfully, but even so) whenever we try to stroke him when he comes to sit on our laps. It's more like having a dog than a cat, he can't amuse himself when we're around, just wants to chase our hands and feet all the time!

Fundamentally, we don't enjoy him, and we shouldn't have got him in the first place. But we did, so I'm trying to work out what the best thing to do is as I can't take another decade of the constant bad atmosphere in the house his fur and general behaviour makes with my DP. Nor can I abide the fleas.

So should I:

a) try to rehome him with someone who will love his playful, needy personality (feels irresponsible but has potential to be a good outcome for all of us)

b) turn him into an indoors only cat to deal with the fleas (still leaves the fur problem, and seems cruel as he loves outdoors)

c) restrict him to the kitchen and the outside world via the catflap (controls the fleas and the fur, but doesn't seem much of a life for him as won't get much time with us)

d) Suck it up as it's our own fault for getting him, and be miserable for the next 10-15 years

e) Rehome DP so I don't have to listen to him complaining?

If anyone has any top tips re fleas and/or fur then I'll try anything, but we already brush him all the time and use the Spot On so don't know what else we can do!! If we could get even the fur under control the rest would be bearable I think.

DD doesn't care either way, totally ignores him most of the time.

I'm not sure about the mix of wet and dry food. I think a chat with the vet is your best option.

@Jaxhog

I've already SAID we won't be getting another one. Stop harping on when it's already been addressed.

I'm not sure about the mix of wet and dry food.

It’s what both our vet and Cats Protection recommenced when we adopted our rescue cat in August.

@FamilyOfAliens

As I say he still has plenty of fur! He's no bald patches, the condition is good, very thick. Just keeps falling out!

And he's not 'attacking' really - he seeks us out, rolls on the ground, invites stroking/play - then grabs at us claws out, or mouths us - never breaks the skin or anything. It's playful. It's just annoying!

@TheFurminator
Oh good gracious,please ignore all these "holier than thou" perfect fur mommies and daddies!Of course it's ok to rehome the cat,you realize he would have a better life somewhere else.And you need your family back.❤

@FamilyOfAliens Thank you very much for the advice on food though, will discuss that with the vet when we go.

you need a better flea treatment. Advantage works better than frontline. Fleas are immune to frntline now. I dont know why they still sell it tbh.
Also grooming every few days will help with the moulting.

Nothing wrong with feeding your cat Felix.

I think maybe you just need to chill out a bit

He does sound like he hasn’t been socialised, though. Hence why he’s attacking you, even if he isn’t breaking skin. He does sound stressed.

We have a ragdoll cat, so very hairy. We brush her twice a day to try and keep on top of it but still the hairs are a nightmare. She was my dads cat and he sadly died and my DD begged us to keep her and I'm not a cat person but we've had her 2 years and I love her very much.
I would take your cat to the vet for check up. We have a pet plan through the vets and pay £15 a month so we get free worming and flea treatment. Her blood tests are also free and we get a discount on any dental care.
I can tell you're very torn but I really do recommend going to the vet firstly and go from there. I hope things improve for you

@FamilyOfAliens

I was talking about the OP's mix of wet and dry food. Posted at the same time.

You can pay monthly for flea and worm stuff at the vets ,keeps on top of it ...I’d be speeking to the vet about the fur loss ,shedding.id also just confine him to the kitchen and outside when fur loss is bad at certain times of the year...I’d be worried about him trying to find his way back home if you gave him away ,don’t cats do that when people move house?

Lack of bald patches does not mean there is nothing wrong.

Nothing wrong with feeding your cat Felix.

Technically there isn’t, in the same way as there’s nothing wrong with eating McDonald’s every day.

It could be the problem,you saying your cat was from a feral situation,but from a 12 week old kitten,he should have calmed down a bit now, although that's not always the case. Cat's usually pick up,that the people they live with,are not really liking them much, and maybe shout at them too much etc..

I was jokingly going to suggest,that you get another cat, a friend for this one , to take his mind off everything ha ha.

I have got three cats,A mother cat,and her two boys,and they have always been so lovely together.

I would not advise you what to do regarding your cat, I dare say that you will reach a decision one way or another..

Thanks to all who have given good advice re fleas, and I will def take him to the vet to talk about the fur. He wasn't like it when he was smaller, so maybe there really is something wrong - will find out. Would be good in a way as if it can be sorted we'd be able to keep him and I do think we could give him a decent life if there wasn't so much stress around him as there is now.

Nevertheless, whatever happens with him there will be no more pets - we are clearly not flexible or tolerant enough.

But if with a combo of diet, treating the fleas and some more brushing (mabe the odd bath as well?) we can at least reduce the amount of hair, that would pretty much solve the issues I think.

You both made a mistake. It happens. Rehome cat through a reputable charity/ organisation and don't beat yourself up about it.

What’s with all the ‘shall I rehome my pet?’ posts lately!!?? These poor animals!

Rehome the cat through a reputable agency. None of you are suited to pet ownership and there is no point if you don’t enjoy it. The cat deserves so much better.

Hills and James Wellbeloved are good brands. Anything grain free really. Felix isn't great, full of crap. Applaws is another good make too. Speak to your vet or local pet shop and see what they recommend. Do you and your DP live together?

I think to be honest OP, your DP doesn't seem best suited to owning a pet if he can't handle things out of his control. I would contact a rescue and rehome him that way (your cat that is). Then I would sit down with DP and tell him the way he has behaved about getting a pet and then, essentially (please don't take offense) wanted nothing to do with it because it wasn't what he expected or wanted, is completely unacceptable and won't be happening again.

I hope your cat gets the outcome that is what's best for him.

For god's sake @SherbetSaucer. For every one of these posts where people are actually concerned about what's best for their unwanted pets here are a dozen people quite happily leaving them in a bin bag by the side of the M6. Not obviously a standard to aspire to but have a bit of perspective ffs.

If you think he bites and scratches now , wait till you try and give him a bath, you’ll need a trip to A&E !

Do you brush and comb him every day, does he have any chase and pounce type toys, and do you ever play with him?

If you do rehome him, have him vaccinated and checked out by your vet first. Then let his potential new owners/cat rescue know all about his quirks.

Indorex Defence Spray for the house. You. Can buy it online or from a vets and It works.

Programme flea treatment for the cat. You can buy a monthly oral suspension to add to food as above or a vet can give an injection which lasts 6 months.

If the cat is shedding more fur than usual it could be because he is stressed. Please have a vet check him over to eliminate/treat any medical issues.

Why don't you put blankets or towels on sofas, beds, your knees, etc. for the cat to sit on? Your clothes won't get covered in hair! They can be easily, vacuumed/washed and you can let the cat sit on your lap and give him some attention. He may relax and you may start to bond with him more and things improve.

Also does he have a scratching post and toys or catnip? Some of the behaviour you describe may be reduced if he has these aswell as access to outdoors.

Do all of these things and see how you both feel. Ultimately if you're not committed to providing the cat a loving home then you should look at rehoming it via a charity and fostering it until they find it new owners as the stress of a shelter could make him even unhappier.