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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWB more U to keep cat whilst not liking him, or to rehome him?

194 replies

TheFurminator · 02/10/2019 15:13

This is long, sorry - but I'm in a real quandary over this!

We got a cat about a year ago. Partner grew up with cats and wanted one. I am the polar opposite of a pet person but thought it would do him good as he is not great at expressing his emotions and thought having a pet would give him an outlet for affection etc.

We wanted to get a rescue cat, maybe a bit older, but no shelter would home with us because we had a toddler (she's about 2.5 yrs now, very very gentle but they didn't care). We heard of a lady fostering a rescued kitten via a Facebook page, she checked us out and was happy with us, he came to live with us at about 12 weeks old.

Problems started almost at once - he was very aggressive, kept biting and clawing and attacking our feet every time we came into a room. However we figured that was just kitten behaviour and he'd grow out of it if gently discouraged. It didn't he got worse. When he was old enough we got him neutered and he settled down a bit but not much. We felt persecuted every time I came into a room he was in as I couldn't relax, he was always trying to bite us or scratch us and would never leave us alone. But we persevered as we'd made a commitment, hoped things would improve.

Eventually when he was big enough we fitted a cat flap, and he became much better - spent a lot of time out of the house, and when he did come in was much more relaxed. We make sure he had all vaxes, use Spot-On religiously every 30 days. Thought things were on the mend.

But since summer he has begun shedding hair constantly - literally can't stroke him without huge hanks of hair coming away.

I don't think he's ill - full of beans, very glossy, no thinning of the hair - it just keeps coming! It covers every surface, gets on all our clothes, is clogging the washing machine. It drive my partner (who is very fastidious around the house) INSANE. Doesn't bother me so much, but my partner won't stop moaning and it is ruining our home life as he won't ever just settle down and relax, always chasing the cat around with the brush or chasing me/DD around with the sticky roller. Cat is white so shows up on everything. Means DP is very critical of cat and not very nice to him (not abusive, just won't let him sit on his lap as fur, tries to brush him all the time, doesn't have a kind word for him as so frustrated). I didn't even want a cat so find it hard to be affectionate to him, I had expected DP to do that as he wanted one so much!

Additionally, despite the Spot-On, he has started bringing in fleas. DP and I both regularly bitten, though DD seems immune. Have flea-treated the whole house to no avail (he's only allowed in the kitchen and one other room downstairs now anyway after clawing up the carpets upstairs). Fur I don't mind, but parasites make my flesh crawl.

And he still claws and bites (playfully, but even so) whenever we try to stroke him when he comes to sit on our laps. It's more like having a dog than a cat, he can't amuse himself when we're around, just wants to chase our hands and feet all the time!

Fundamentally, we don't enjoy him, and we shouldn't have got him in the first place. But we did, so I'm trying to work out what the best thing to do is as I can't take another decade of the constant bad atmosphere in the house his fur and general behaviour makes with my DP. Nor can I abide the fleas.

So should I:

a) try to rehome him with someone who will love his playful, needy personality (feels irresponsible but has potential to be a good outcome for all of us)

b) turn him into an indoors only cat to deal with the fleas (still leaves the fur problem, and seems cruel as he loves outdoors)

c) restrict him to the kitchen and the outside world via the catflap (controls the fleas and the fur, but doesn't seem much of a life for him as won't get much time with us)

d) Suck it up as it's our own fault for getting him, and be miserable for the next 10-15 years

e) Rehome DP so I don't have to listen to him complaining? Grin

If anyone has any top tips re fleas and/or fur then I'll try anything, but we already brush him all the time and use the Spot On so don't know what else we can do!! If we could get even the fur under control the rest would be bearable I think.

DD doesn't care either way, totally ignores him most of the time.

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 02/10/2019 15:43

I am a massive cat lover but I even I think rehoming him is best as he’ll find people who have the love and patience you and your partner are unable to give him.

This. You were told you were unsuitable to home a cat, you should have listened. Poor kitty.

CatPunsFreakMeowt · 02/10/2019 15:43

Oh, and don’t get any more pets.

Original poster
TheFurminator · 02/10/2019 15:43

@MrsRufusdog789 he was part of a litter found in the wild (no mum came for several days) so most likely feral.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 02/10/2019 15:44

Rehome the cat. Sounds as if the poor thing has an utter, er, dog’s life at the moment. Sad

And I say that as a cat hater.

GoosetheCat · 02/10/2019 15:44

Did you actually do any research about cats? If he was found in the wild and you new this, surely you would have done some research about feral cats?

Original poster
TheFurminator · 02/10/2019 15:46

@GoosetheCat

Imagine rescuing the poor cat from a rescue shelter only to return it again because 'it has fur and it malts'. It's not fair on the cat.

This is what I mean though! Is it unfair for us to rehome him or the kinder path because with us he won't be genuinely loved?

I know we've fucked up, just want to know what the best course of action is NOW given that we have done.

OP posts:
Lovethetimeyouhave · 02/10/2019 15:46

I second advantage, you can get it on vetmedic, cured my cats fleas in a day

Original poster
TheFurminator · 02/10/2019 15:47

@GoosetheCat she only told us that when we got back to her about his behaviour several weeks after adopting him... before she had just said he was one of an orphaned litter.

OP posts:
InglouriousBasterd · 02/10/2019 15:47

Try prescription flea treatment - it’s honestly the only thing that’s effective. My cat was crawling with fleas despite Advantage, Stronghold killed them quickly. Indorex to treat the house. Hoover every day after giving the indorex a 2 day headstart.

I think the fur is just par for the course, there’s nothing much you can do about it. Is he long haired?

Toys like laser toys may keep him off your feet! Feliway plug ins might call him down.

Seeline · 02/10/2019 15:47

How old is he? Cats don't really lose their kitten behaviour until 12-18 months.

I know this will sound daft, but white cats are often deaf. Do you think some of his behaviour could be due to being surprised/frightened due to not hearing properly?

Original poster
TheFurminator · 02/10/2019 15:48

@Butchyrestingface

You were told you were unsuitable to home a cat, you should have listened.

I say again, we weren't 'told' any such thing - when we researched shelters they all had policies against homing with families with children. So we didn't approach them. Nothing to do with our heartlessness.

OP posts:
GothMummy · 02/10/2019 15:51

I'm a bit surprised by the previous poster who suggests it was irresponsible to get a white cat...? Please don't judge cats on their fur colour!

Front line does not work now, fleas are immune. Advantage or Advocate are currently working. Advantage can be purchased without a prescription from places like Pets at Home and Hyperdrug online. But it sounds like it would be best to rehome him :(

Original poster
TheFurminator · 02/10/2019 15:52

@Seeline

Still only young, about a year old. So the behaviour will i'm sure improve. But not my partner's if the fur doesn't settle down!

He comes when I call him from another room (you know, when I overcome my inherent unworthy evilness long enough to play with him, feed him, stroke him etc) so don't think it's deafness. He's black patches also so not pure white. But thank you for the helpful suggestion as opposed to some other posters just enjoying a ride on their high horse.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 02/10/2019 15:52

*@Butchyrestingface

You were told you were unsuitable to home a cat, you should have listened.

That’s not my post. You confusing me with someone else?

Tavannach · 02/10/2019 15:53

I've had a semi-feral female cat. She was fond of us and would sit next to us on the sofa and purr, but didn't like being picked up and would never sit on us. When she was about 9 she started to mellow, slept on the bottom of the bed and jumped up on our laps. She lived till she was 20.
That said if you feel you're the wrong home you are the wrong home. Cats like to be liked.

caringcarer · 02/10/2019 15:54

Spot on is a really useless product you need something like Frontline Plus. Also buy a spray for home furnishings and carpets. You can get it on the internet from Medivet website or similar. Your cat needs more stimulation. Do you play with it? A daily brush should remove excessive hair. It sounds as if you just want to dump you cat because you don't love it. If it has fleas it will not be feeling well and scratching a lot. Clear up the fleas, brush it and play with it regularly. Does the cat have toys to play with? Give it 2 months and see how you feel then. If still want to get rid of it hand it in to a centre but know if they can't find it a home they might have it put down. The more you play with and interact with your cat the more loving it will be to you.

Original poster
TheFurminator · 02/10/2019 15:55

@Butchyrestingface I am, sorry. that should have been for @Jaxhog

OP posts:
GoosetheCat · 02/10/2019 15:55

I know you're getting a hard time OP. I think this has been a hard lesson learned. If it were me in your shoes, and I hand on heart had tried everything (btw, advocate works very well for fleas) then I think the kindest thing to do would be re-home him. But please make sure he goes to a good home to people you know will look after him, or better yet contact a rescue and explain your situation.

He may be acting like he is because he is picking up on you all being stressed, which in turn is stressing him. Does he have any toys? Have you tried feliway plug in diffusers?

ilovesooty · 02/10/2019 15:55

I don't know why you're persisting with the passive aggressive tone.

It's quite reasonable to deem your actions irresponsible.

Butchyrestingface · 02/10/2019 15:57

@TheFurminator No probs. 👍

PookieDo · 02/10/2019 15:57

Vets (my vet) tell you that frontline is no use, fleas are becoming immune to it. You need advocate

Also what do you treat rhe house with? I bet it’s Bob Martin! You need indorex

Rehome the cat

Original poster
TheFurminator · 02/10/2019 15:58

@caringcarer he has a lot of toys, a scratching post, he used to have a kitty gym but have recently binned it due to the fleas (fabric covering non-removable for washing so thought it might be harbouring). We do try to play with him but we both work 4 days a week so limited - and when we do he bites and scratches, not hard but enough to really put you off trying. We do keep at it though, we're not monsters honestly. We just didn't realise how different he'd be to the cats my partner grew up with. They were girls mostly I think so that may be something to do with it.

Really the behaviour is not as much an issue as the fur. We know he's young, and he's a living thing not a stuffed toy. We don't expect him to be perfect!

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 02/10/2019 15:59

Another vote for advocate which is much better than frontline. But in truth, another vote for you rehoming via a reputable charity NOT free ads or facebook and never pet owning again...

PookieDo · 02/10/2019 16:00

I am a cat owner, have been all my life

It’s common knowledge all cats are quirky little arseholes, a lot of their behaviour is pretty illogical and annoying Grin it is weird your husband did not know this!

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