WWB more U to keep cat whilst not liking him, or to rehome him?

[TheFurminator]

This is long, sorry - but I'm in a real quandary over this!

We got a cat about a year ago. Partner grew up with cats and wanted one. I am the polar opposite of a pet person but thought it would do him good as he is not great at expressing his emotions and thought having a pet would give him an outlet for affection etc.

We wanted to get a rescue cat, maybe a bit older, but no shelter would home with us because we had a toddler (she's about 2.5 yrs now, very very gentle but they didn't care). We heard of a lady fostering a rescued kitten via a Facebook page, she checked us out and was happy with us, he came to live with us at about 12 weeks old.

Problems started almost at once - he was very aggressive, kept biting and clawing and attacking our feet every time we came into a room. However we figured that was just kitten behaviour and he'd grow out of it if gently discouraged. It didn't he got worse. When he was old enough we got him neutered and he settled down a bit but not much. We felt persecuted every time I came into a room he was in as I couldn't relax, he was always trying to bite us or scratch us and would never leave us alone. But we persevered as we'd made a commitment, hoped things would improve.

Eventually when he was big enough we fitted a cat flap, and he became much better - spent a lot of time out of the house, and when he did come in was much more relaxed. We make sure he had all vaxes, use Spot-On religiously every 30 days. Thought things were on the mend.

But since summer he has begun shedding hair constantly - literally can't stroke him without huge hanks of hair coming away.

I don't think he's ill - full of beans, very glossy, no thinning of the hair - it just keeps coming! It covers every surface, gets on all our clothes, is clogging the washing machine. It drive my partner (who is very fastidious around the house) INSANE. Doesn't bother me so much, but my partner won't stop moaning and it is ruining our home life as he won't ever just settle down and relax, always chasing the cat around with the brush or chasing me/DD around with the sticky roller. Cat is white so shows up on everything. Means DP is very critical of cat and not very nice to him (not abusive, just won't let him sit on his lap as fur, tries to brush him all the time, doesn't have a kind word for him as so frustrated). I didn't even want a cat so find it hard to be affectionate to him, I had expected DP to do that as he wanted one so much!

Additionally, despite the Spot-On, he has started bringing in fleas. DP and I both regularly bitten, though DD seems immune. Have flea-treated the whole house to no avail (he's only allowed in the kitchen and one other room downstairs now anyway after clawing up the carpets upstairs). Fur I don't mind, but parasites make my flesh crawl.

And he still claws and bites (playfully, but even so) whenever we try to stroke him when he comes to sit on our laps. It's more like having a dog than a cat, he can't amuse himself when we're around, just wants to chase our hands and feet all the time!

Fundamentally, we don't enjoy him, and we shouldn't have got him in the first place. But we did, so I'm trying to work out what the best thing to do is as I can't take another decade of the constant bad atmosphere in the house his fur and general behaviour makes with my DP. Nor can I abide the fleas.

So should I:

a) try to rehome him with someone who will love his playful, needy personality (feels irresponsible but has potential to be a good outcome for all of us)

b) turn him into an indoors only cat to deal with the fleas (still leaves the fur problem, and seems cruel as he loves outdoors)

c) restrict him to the kitchen and the outside world via the catflap (controls the fleas and the fur, but doesn't seem much of a life for him as won't get much time with us)

d) Suck it up as it's our own fault for getting him, and be miserable for the next 10-15 years

e) Rehome DP so I don't have to listen to him complaining?

If anyone has any top tips re fleas and/or fur then I'll try anything, but we already brush him all the time and use the Spot On so don't know what else we can do!! If we could get even the fur under control the rest would be bearable I think.

DD doesn't care either way, totally ignores him most of the time.

Thanks @GoosetheCat I appreciate it. We did try Feliway when he was younger after neutering didn't really settle him... didn't seem to have much impact on him really. But could be worth another go! Although as I say the behaviour is the least of the issues now, I'm sure he'll grow out of it and he's never hurt DD except once when he was much smaller (and she was, frankly, mythering him while I was distracted making dinner).

I would even try to bear the fleas if he would just stop shedding everywhere! Is there any chance it will improve in the winter/as he gets older?

Weirdly Frontline and Broadline (expensive, prescription only flea and worm treatment) didn’t touch the fleas but Effipro (cheaper but also fipronil) worked immediately without us needing to do much spraying.

I’d get rid of the cat. Cats shed massively in the warmer months. Our old flat was covered in cat hair. These days our cats are out so much that it doesn’t get as bad.

He’s losing his fur because it was summer, he’s got fleas and he’s stressed

I also don’t take on boy cats I only take on girl cats

Yes please get him rehomed with someone who will love him. DO NOT give him away, look up local cat welfare charity. He will get rehomed quickly, as he sounds white and fluffy.

The reason the shelters wouldn't let you home a cat is because small children can be unintentionaly cruel to kittens/cats. Also shelter's will usually rehome in pairs.

I am with you about the fleas, can't bare them. Over the counter flea meds do not work (some are fatal), you need to get the stuff from the vets. Indorex for the house.

If my cat is stressed she literally drops a pound of fur. She is also white

He will get a winter coat yes but you need to manage the other things

I think it's all very well to talk about remedies e.g. better flea protection, rehoming, etc. But you've subjected your poor kitty to a pretty shitty life with people who really don't want him.

To ANYONE who's thinking of adopting any pet, don't forget that it is a major commitment for many years. Pets need love and attention. Of course, they'll behave badly if they don't get it. A bit like children.

Cats can shed due to medical issues, stress and even a poor diet. What food do you feed him OP? It might be worth taking him to the vets for a health check just to be on the safe side.

@ilovesooty

It's quite reasonable to deem your actions irresponsible.

Well fair enough we were misguided and possibly irresponsible. But surely the fact I am agonising enough to post on MN and consider various options is proof I give a shit and am not a total bastard the way I'm being made out by some? If I was that irresponsible and heartless I'd just lock the cat flap from the inside or drop him off at the nearest rescue surely. I want to do what's right for him given the fact that we have made a mistake taking him on. That's our mistake not his, I don't want him to suffer for it, but I can't control him and I can't control my partner so I am trying to find the best way forward. I don't think I deserve therefore to be shat on from on high like this.

He doesn’t sound naughty , he sounds bored so wants to play .
Could also be that he’s been played with by people wiggling their fingers and feet’s to get him to pounce which is why they say you should only use toys on sticks etc so they don’t see hands and feet as play things but that’s a bit late in this case .
My dh is also a clean freak and was so annoying when we got our first family cat but now we have another 2 after our first one died and he’s calmed down a lot about the fur and is much less fussy about the cat hair .
Not really an answer to your problem but maybe try and see if anyone you know would take him, don’t advertise him on any free sites as people look on there for dog bait .
Also Advantage is a great flea treatment as others have said .
Never had fleas on any of my cats

btw, I may have been wrong about the advice, but I'm betting any good rehoming organization would have turned you down pretty sharpish.

Please don't think about getting another pet, and let your poor kitty go to another home NOW. To do anything else is just perpetuating its misery.

*feet

I'm gutted to think some of the fur loss may be because of stress. I'll take him to the vet as suggested, it's vax again soon anyway so time to go for that. I'll take what they can suggest for the fleas, and I'll ask about the shedding - but I feel like from what I read on the net she'll just say 'yes, he's a cat, they do that'. He always seems pretty content, very purr-y and a good weight, very playful. I'd hate to think he was miserable with us as well, it's bad enough we are but the whole thing would be pointless if he was too.

It’s not fair to rehome him without sorting the fleas you would just be passing the issue onto someone else

So the remedies need to be done regardless of where he lives

If he's on dry food try switching to wet food to help with the moultng. If that doesn't work I'd take him to the vet.

Re the fur and stress, it’s not a given but the fleas won’t be helping in that department either, he will be itchy and uncomfortable

@jaxhog - how can you say he's had a shitty life? I know we don't love him, but we do play with him (when we're home and he's in) and we do feed, vaccinate, de-flea and brush him. We care for him, and we don't want to just ditch him. I can see we are not ideal owners as if we were we'd just love him despite everything, like parents do a child. But it's hardly a 'pretty shitty life'!

I think you also need to address this issue with your DP OP. If you really are serious about turning things around and trying to better your cats life, your DP needs to deal with the fur, back off chasing him around all the time and act like a responsible owner in giving the cat some attention. Not just shoving him off.

I know how difficult rescue animals can be. We've got a rescue dog, and she has some behaviour issues (including running at my DP from behind, hitting the back of the knees then running off 😁) and it takes everyone's full support in order to turn things around.

This cat is only a year old. Ask yourself: can you deal with this for many years to come? If so, can your DP?

He has two pouches of Felix wet food per day and free access to dry food all day long. Maybe I should try a more nutritious brand to help with the fur?

Please rehome him.

He sounds miserable and he’s probably losing fur through stress because the adults in the house don’t like him.

@GoosetheCat This is what it boils down to. I don't enjoy the cat, but I would put up with the hair and deal with the fleas and try to make the best of it. DP just can't/won't and I can't do anything to change his reaction to things - this is an issue elsewhere in our relationship also! He just can't deal with things that are outside of his control very well. And I can't deal with him being constantly stressed and grumpy and fussing round the house, it makes me very edgy and eventually we have a row. Not good for DD. Talking to him won't make any difference to how he behaves.

You feed him Felix?
That’s like giving him McDonalds every day. It’s crap.

@FamilyOfAliens why does he sound miserable?

@FamilyOfAliens I did not know that! What is a good wet food?

Because he’s attacking you and losing his fur.

A grain-free food is best but they also need dry food, such as Hill’s Science Diet.