To not want to give more

[SummerTime12345]

So a friend is getting married very soon. They have asked for money for their honeymoon - which obviously doesn't bother me if that's what they want!
I just don't know what to give. We have only met this year but have become very close and see each other a couple of times a week. I'm going to the full wedding day and I went on the hen do. But I don't know what to give!
Help!

@ScotsinOz Jesus Christ. £1k is nearly months salary for me. No way could I give my monthly food cost as a gift.

I'd give £100 to sibling, £50 to close friend and £20 to everyone else. Maybe, if I'm skint, £20 all round

If anyone expects gifts to be in cash, covering the costs of the guest, they are utterly cheeky arseholes. If you want to get married and spend a fortune, fine but you've missed the point of guests. I hope I'm never invited to dinner.

We gave my DP's brother and wife about £100 converted into the currency of their honeymoon. That was stretching it for us, for anyone "less close" I would say £20, it already cost us a fortune in suits, clothes, shoes, hotel,taxi and drinks, it surprises me that so many people can afford to be so generous on top of that.

You give what you can afford. More if its close family, less if it's a recent colleague. But a thousand? I don't know anyone that generous (-flashy-)

I’m with @stanski - you cover at least what meal cost plus extra. So less close friend/work colleague £300ish. Close friend/less close extended family (ie - cousin you see once a decade) -£500. Close family member (sibling) -£1000

We certainly could stretch to this is we gave up fripperies like eating.

I'm pretty broke usually and don't buy wedding gifts. Everyone I know would prefer I was at their special day than make myself skint. Even £10 is a lot to some people. Don't feel you have to give anything, that's not the point of getting married surely?

Really late to the thread so may have been mentioned but when we got married, a friend gave us some money in the currency of the country we were visiting and wrote on the card that it was for a few cocktails on them.
Amount wise if was £40 bug I think regardless, the thought of the currency and note was lovely enough for £20 to suffice x

I go to the bank and get a new £50 note as a wedding gift

I spend £20 on birthday presents for my kids' friends. £50 min for wedding evening do. Never less than £100 for full day wedding, and double or more if a close friend/relative

If £200 plus was "the norm" no one would ever go to a wedding! 20-50 is perfectly acceptable.

So less close friend/work colleague £300ish. Close friend/less close extended family (ie - cousin you see once a decade) -£500. Close family member (sibling) -£1000.

What??? That’s a crazy amount of money!
I don’t know anyone who gives this much money. £1000 is around two thirds of my net monthly salary!

£50 is usually the token amount most people I know give to a close friend or extended family member (cousin etc). If it was a sibling then £100+

I would think £50 max would be more than enough. But frankly I’d just say give what you can afford. If they expect more then they’re not a very nice friend.

£50 approx is what I would give for going to the full day . If it was a close pal it would be £100.
If you are friendly with a few others going too , you could suggest a joint present which may mean contributing less .

This is exactly why I hate people asking for cash gifts, it puts your guests in an awkward position of feeling they have to give more than they can afford.

OP £20 is absolutely fine. Your friend should expect more than you can afford to give. If they turn their nose up at it then they’re not someone you’d want to be friends with.

We didn’t ask for gifts for our wedding but if anyone asked we sent them our JL gift list with items from £10-£100, most people bought something between £20-£30 and a few gave us JL gift vouchers so we could put them together to buy the £100 item. We only got cash off one person, who is a single man who is fairly well off, and that was £50 cash, which we were very grateful for.

£50-£100 max x

As a couple we tend to give £50 and then if it’s a close coupe say £100-£150.

Saying that my chief bridesmaid and her partner who are by no means skint gave us £20! Can you actually believe that?

£2-300???!! 😱😱😱😱😱
I'd give £20!
When my best friend got married, I found out where their honeymoon was and searched the area for a really good restaurant and bought them a voucher for a meal - about £80, but she's been my best friend for 30+ years.

£10 to £20 is absolutely fine. It's a gift, you are not expected to cover your meal at all.
I'd be gutted if one of my friends thought that I wanted to be reimbursed for their place on my wedding. I expected nothing but a card from my guests.

£30 tops.
Surely no-one expects invited guests to fork out for the meal/venue/entertainment etc. THEY invited YOU! (And obviously want your company). Go, enjoy and think no more of it.

Give whatever you'd have spent on a gift. Or just give a gift anyway.

Hi. This is my take on things, you should be as generous as you can afford to be. Weddings are expensive and it's nice to be a part of the big day so helping with the cost and showing your appreciation is courtesy.

So on my salary I can afford £30 for someone not close e.g. a work colleague who is not so close, for best mates daughter, £50 IKEA voucher (she asked for IKEA, I chose the amount), £50-100 for a good friend or a cousin, for my sister I gave her £300 and household gifts like a good blender and luxury bedding. That's what I can afford, obviously if I had 7 sisters it would be less. I have only one.

Also people should not expect gifts, they should appreciate what guests can give, that way they will never be disappointed. If you are attending a wedding and you know bride and groom are paying £30 for your meal you should have the decency to cover the cost of your meal and a bit extra or not go if you cant afford that much. For a close family member I'm sure they wouldn't mind you chipping in less if you cant afford it as they will want you to be there that's why others chip in extra to cover the shortfall. I hope that makes sense. So please dont be frugal, give generously up to what you can afford.

If you are attending a wedding and you know bride and groom are paying £30 for your meal you should have the decency to cover the cost of your meal and a bit extra or not go if you cant afford that much.

Ah, you were doing so well until this 🙄

If you are attending a wedding and you know bride and groom are paying £30 for your meal you should have the decency to cover the cost of your meal and a bit extra or not go if you cant afford that much.

What a disgusting attitude! I would have been absolutely gutted if someone hadn’t come to my wedding because they couldn’t afford a gift, it would have really upset me. I only invited people I liked and wanted to spend time with, not who had the biggest bank balance. We chose to get married and we hosted the wedding that we could afford.

£500 for a wedding gift for a friend? Complete batshit! ( and probable stealth boast)
I don’t know anyone- regardless of income who gives that much. If the happy couple are wealthy, they don’t need the cash. The gift is a gesture. They’ll be happy you came to their big day. It’s a wedding - not a fundraising opportunity.

Wow can’t believe all the comments people giving about the cost of a meal etc. Give what you can afford. My £10 is just as an important gift as someone else’s £100 when I’m a single parent earning £14k and someone else my be earning £100k. Surely it’s the thought.

When I did marry we asked for money instead of doing a gift list as we had lived together for years and didn’t need anything. We ended up receiving several bottles of champagne (and I a a non drinker but my dh at the time did drink) or just cards or cards with cash. Mostly £10-20. I was quite a few years ago now though but I don’t even think I with inflation that would equate to getting £1k off friends. Family did give us larger sums, more like £50 but definitely not friends.

I'm English living in Ireland and as others have said the expectation here is minimum €150 per couple. I have to say we broke this golden rule a couple of years ago and only gave €100 as things were tight at the time and the couple in question still talk to us so it can't have been too bad of a faux pas... when we had our own wedding here, Irish guests gave around €150, English guests some gave around €50, some less, some nothing. I couldn't have cared less as they were spending time and money and travelling to be with us on the day which is all that mattered.