To not want to give more

[SummerTime12345]

So a friend is getting married very soon. They have asked for money for their honeymoon - which obviously doesn't bother me if that's what they want!
I just don't know what to give. We have only met this year but have become very close and see each other a couple of times a week. I'm going to the full wedding day and I went on the hen do. But I don't know what to give!
Help!

We do £20 for evening do and £50 for close friends/ family. Anything more, other than your own child, is pretty crass in my world. I'd be so embarrassed if a friend I'd known for a year gave hundreds. That's so no normal. Mumsnet is hilarious

The reason I added my comment about property was to demonstrate further how anyone prosperous (or even ever so slightly better off than someone else) on MN is met with vitriol and your comment just proves it further. I was raised to be happy for others good fortune or success rather than bitter. Unfortunately a lot of MN posters suffer from tall poppy syndrome.

I agree that people with more money are generally bashed n MN and it is irritating. But, that is, in part, because of posts like yours insisting people should be giving gifts at wedding which, for some, would equal the cost of their monthly outgoings.

Your post wasn’t about what you prefer to do (which is fine) it was that anything less is cheap and unacceptable (which is not)

I could afford, and would gift family members generously if any of them ever get married. But there is absolutely no way I’d give a work colleague 300 quid. I did gift a work colleague 100 quid at a wedding but we’re really quite good friends too. And I can afford to. I wouldn’t look down on anyone who put a tenner into the collection for them.

the 'covering your plate' idea is abhorrent.

Agreed. Totally crass.

Here in ireland . 150/200 is the nom!
As a result there is a tendency to invite quite a lot of acquaintances that the couple don't even know very well. After a certain headcount the gift take covers the wedding and goes into profit. It's a bit crass.

I usually give £50.

...are people seriously suggesting that you'd give someone you don't know that well £300???

And that close family get ONE THOUSAND BRITISH POUNDS???

@NoSauce
"If you’re skint you give what you can, if you’re not then £20 is an insult. Would you buy a gift for £20??"

How would you know how much I paid for a gift???

I could bought you a much wanted and needed toaster in the sales for £13.50, that retails at £50, and got cashback through Quidco and my bank, making the spend £12.63....

Surely the thought behind the gift is what important, not how much is spent on it??

...are people seriously suggesting that you'd give someone you don't know that well £300???

And that close family get ONE THOUSAND BRITISH POUNDS???

@00100001 Alright, Johnny Come Lately, take a cold shower and get to the back of a very long queue.

@ScotsinOz’s dance card is marked as chief bridesmaid at the 2020 nupitals of at least 64 Mumsnetters already on the strength of this here thread.

Surely the thought behind the gift is what important, not how much is spent on it??

Yes, funny when posts come up when people talk of bundles of second hand stained clothes are gifted by MiL, people are told to smile sweetly and thank profusely, and simply drop off to the rag bin, because poor MIL is just trying to be nice, but same people should turn their nose up at a 20 quid wedding gift.

Omg, just stick a tenner in a card with a nice message and be done with it.

I've never seen wedding presents as having to cover the cost of having you as a guest, that's really ridicolous and there is no connection. The idea of giving £300 is mad to, its not about giving people on MN who have lots of money etc a "hard time", it's being so incredulous that someone could be that up themselves they don't realise that's a ridicolous sum of money that the majority of people wouldn't be able to afford. That they obviously can.

My best friends wedding I have £50. I think that's enough given my situation as a full time Carer. £200 plus seems a lot!

Oh and we got varying amounts at our wedding, £0, £5, £10 up to £50.
I don't remember who gave what and definitely didn't add it up to see if people had paid for their food. What a weird attitude. We threw a party and invited people on the understanding that we could afford to do it.

Give only what you can afford. When I got married we received everything from photo frames/£20 gift cards up to expensive champagne/£100 cash off our closest oldest friends. One uncle gave us £500. One cousin didn’t get us anything but we didn’t mind as we know he is very strapped for cash, we were just glad he came to the wedding. We were grateful for everything.

This is reminding me why I've asked for no gifts or money at mine. Jesus, saying you MUST spend a certain amount to be invited to a party I chose to throw, absolutely disgusting to me. All you 'below 50 doesn't cut it' types are so utterly classless and grabby.

The correct amount is what you can afford. £10 from someone who is skint is worth more than £1000 from a millionaire.

I'd have LOVED if each of the 150+ guests at our wedding had given a bottle of wine as a gift- imagine having that amount of wine at the ready!

£10 from someone who is skint is worth more than £1000 from a millionaire.

That reminds me of the bible story where Jesus berated the wealthy for being showy about giving money they could easily afford anyway, and praised the poor widow for giving a tiny amount that she could ill afford.

Seems similarly apt in this context.

Im with @stanski. I can't believe anyone thinks it's ok to give £10 or £20 as a wedding present. If that's your budget then buy them something nice with it.

Oh and @Shamoo £1000? £500?? Bloody ridiculous!! €100 is the minimum I'd give if going on my own. In Ireland anyway it's generally €200 per couple. Maybe more if it's a close friend or relative

My God, the cunts are seriously out in force on this thread.

The title of the thread is "To not WANT to give more" suggesting the op has money but doesn't want to give it. To begrudge giving £20 is tight.

The title of the thread is "To not WANT to give more" suggesting the op has money but doesn't want to give it. To begrudge giving £20 is tight.

She clarified in her second post that finances are an issue.

As the bride.. I was absolutely delighted to find a £10 note in wedding cards.
I received between £10-500 in gifts. Everyone is valued equally. It really should never be about the amount of money. THAT is the crass bit. Not where the person is from.

Those who have nothing are still my closest friends or they would never have been invited in the first place .. because if they have no money they have something else , be it help with the preparations or support on the day. All equally important.