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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should pay 1/3?

744 replies

stickeritup · 01/10/2019 19:37

Travelling with my cousin and his wife to another cousin’s wedding in a different part of the country. They have one child, who’s also coming. I don’t have any.

We’re hiring a car because neither of us has a big enough one. The cost is £120. I assumed we’d pay £40 each for the three adults. Cousin has text saying ‘so that’s £60 each’, meaning £60 for me and £60 between him and his wife.

I don’t think this is right. AIBU? I know it’s only £20 but it happens all the time when some couples assume that they count as ‘one’.

OP posts:
myrtleWilson · 04/10/2019 23:49

The OP's 4th post clownfish - a whopping 12 minutes into the thread so hardly required lots of searching

Freyanna · 04/10/2019 23:54

Clownfish

The cousin's car is too small to store all the things they need to take for him, his wife and the baby on the trip.

The idea was suggested for OP to share the cost of hiring a bigger car, sharing the cost of this and petrol 50/50 and sharing the driving. Op thought this should be a third each as there are three adults travelling.

Even without Op being in their car, she will still need to take a suitcase and suit for her cousin in her own car.

Mephisto · 05/10/2019 02:33

Clownfish it’s not just £20. The cousin expected OP to go 50/50 on petrol too.

Also it would have been a pain for OP to ensure she paid her share of the bill for every meal,drinks, breakfast etc and not 50%.

rededucator · 05/10/2019 02:42

I've just read a post about been penalized for being single and that's rang clangers in my head. They are a couple and want to pay half between them. If you were two couples you'd pay a half each. Do they are essentially asking you to pay for a partner that doesn't exist. I've an OH and I'm enraged on your behalf OP. They are even taking their kid so essentially they want 3 of them to rude for your 1 but pay the same? Jog on bro.

rededucator · 05/10/2019 02:48

Raaar. The last time we were in this situation as a couple and driving OH's best mates GF to Ireland for Christmas (including ferry) my OH paid for it all because he said we'd be going anyway regardless of if GF joined us. It was slightly more expensive having 3 passengers instead of 2 but marginal so to save the car, petrol, ferry breakdown he paid the extra £20. To suggest she was to foot 50% of bill would have been bananas.

Clownfish123 · 05/10/2019 07:46

@myrtlewilson
Thanks for the sarcasm to a genuine question, but it wasn't a stupid question at all. How about this post on page 7 from the OP?

To answer a couple of questions - my car is a two seater and theirs is a small four seater. I don't know if they could fit in with their luggage and baby's things if I wasn't going. Maybe they would just be able to squeeze it all in but it would be tight. It's one of those cars that has a tiny little boot

The OP doesn't know whether they would need to hire a car without her. Most people would choose to squeeze their belongings in their own car rather than hire one, especially just going for a weekend.
I was in the 1/3 camp till I saw that and started to think they were hiring a car in order to all travel together which is actually a nice gesture.
Later in the thread she mentioned offering to take some luggage for them but it still wasn't clear if that was totally necessary.

RedPandaBear · 06/10/2019 16:33

OP - did the cousin come round with his suitcase this weekend?

I hope he didn't persuade you to change your mind for the sake of his bank balance?

Deedoubleyou · 06/10/2019 17:17

Would always split per adult in that situation, you should pay 1/3 not 1/2.

madcatsazz · 06/10/2019 17:38

Just to add my thoughts OP (as if you haven't had enough!) there is no way in hell I would pay for the pleasure of squishing in the back seat next to a 9 month old that wasn't mine for 12 hours minimum. Honestly we stopped travelling ANYWHERE longer than an hour unless it was overnight. We would drive from 7pm through the darkness so baby would sleep because there is nothing worse than a crying miserable baby in a car. And even the cutest most chilled out child WILL lose their patience after 2 hours.

I cannot stress enough that you have made the right decision. Honestly it's genuinely torture! We did it once when the youngest was 2 for 7 hours on a hot day with no air conditioning. It nearly killed us all!!

Go by yourself, stick on some tunes and grin that you made the absolute right choice!!

PeachyPeachTrees · 06/10/2019 21:10

YANBU! You have made the right decision. The only thing worse than being on a long, knackering hellish journey; is worrying the whole wedding about how you've got to do it all again soon. Oh and paying for the privilege!

Original poster
stickeritup · 06/10/2019 21:24

OP - did the cousin come round with his suitcase this weekend?

I hope he didn't persuade you to change your mind for the sake of his bank balance?

Yes, he text this morning asking if he could bring it round to see if it'd fit in my car (which it did). I told him to make sure that he packed nothing he'd need for the two nights I'd been in the Lakes/Lomond. He said, to summarise, 'we'd have loved to have come with you but we can't afford to hire a car for that long'. So I was very Confused and pointed out that there was no hire car happening any more because I was taking his case in my car.

And then there was general 'yes, well, I know, but...' and eventually he said 'well I just can't understand why we can't hire a car between the three of us and travel together'. So I said 'well, that's the thing, it would've been hired between three of us, I'm not paying half'.

Then I got the usual 'but we only have one bank account so everything is paid between us', and I said 'well that's fine, but there are still two of you, not one.' He went to argue about it but I stopped him and said that I'd realised they'd need to stop more frequently for the baby etc and that it makes more sense to take two cars, even if that did mean paying more. He skulked off huffily.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 06/10/2019 21:28

Well done OP.
Cheeky bugger until the bitter end, eh!

BlockedandDeleted · 06/10/2019 21:35

we can't afford to hire a car for that long
So, him and his wife were just using you to sub a holiday they can't afford for their family.

I just can't understand why we can't hire a car between the three of us and travel together
Translation: I can't understand why you haven't enabled my cheeky fuckery like you and the rest of the family always have?

but we only have one bank account
Oh FFS!

Nicely handled OP - hope you have a lovely break.

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 06/10/2019 21:36

Well handled OP - YANBU.

fedup21 · 06/10/2019 21:39

Sorry, OP but your cousin sounds like an arse!

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 06/10/2019 21:40

He is lucky that you're taking his suitcase so he can take his car! You're saving them a hire car. Honestly I can't believe they didn't cover the hire car costs since their car isn't suitable for the three of them, and offer you a space. Well you know not to get into a situation where your buying rounds with them at the wedding. They seem to believe you owe them. 🤣

RandomMess · 06/10/2019 21:45

😂😂😂😂😂

AnotherEmma · 06/10/2019 22:02

I still have no idea why they couldn't/wouldn't just buy or hire a roof box.

Doesn't seem to have even come up so maybe I'm missing something!

Taswama · 06/10/2019 22:02

Well done for spelling it out to him!

RainyG · 06/10/2019 22:03

but we only have one bank account

Hmm

Well handled OP. But is he saying they are still hiring a car which is why they are not going for so long now? But still want a case in your car? I'm confused Confused

Original poster
stickeritup · 06/10/2019 22:08

Sorry, OP but your cousin sounds like an arse! I'm giving the worst side of him, but he is genuinely excellent company and a nice man. He just doesn't like being told no. He's huffy.

I still have no idea why they couldn't/wouldn't just buy or hire a roof box. I have no idea if they've thought about that.

OP posts:
Original poster
stickeritup · 06/10/2019 22:09

But is he saying they are still hiring a car which is why they are not going for so long now? But still want a case in your car? I'm confused

He was confused too. They're not hiring a car, he was talking out of his arse.

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 06/10/2019 22:14

One bank account, but two salaries maybe?

RandomMess · 06/10/2019 22:16

He is having a tantrum still despite you still helping them out, he's a CF indeed!

FiveGoMadInDorset · 06/10/2019 22:28

When is this wedding?