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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I should pay 1/3?

744 replies

stickeritup · 01/10/2019 19:37

Travelling with my cousin and his wife to another cousin’s wedding in a different part of the country. They have one child, who’s also coming. I don’t have any.

We’re hiring a car because neither of us has a big enough one. The cost is £120. I assumed we’d pay £40 each for the three adults. Cousin has text saying ‘so that’s £60 each’, meaning £60 for me and £60 between him and his wife.

I don’t think this is right. AIBU? I know it’s only £20 but it happens all the time when some couples assume that they count as ‘one’.

OP posts:

Gruzinkerbell1 · 04/10/2019 14:14

Love that he’s now throwing a strop and claiming they’re going to drive all that way in one day with a baby in tow. Ha ha ha!

fedup21 · 04/10/2019 14:20

'Hi Sticker, just been talking this over with DW and we may just drive straight through to [the venue] and get all the driving over in one go. Can you still cancel the bookings without charge?'

With a toddler? Brilliant . When is the trip, OP?

Strawberrycreamsundae · 04/10/2019 15:57

God , this reminds me of deciding to have a day at the seaside 70 miles away with DD; she threw up the first time 9 miles from home and subsequently every few miles until I'd used up every change of clothing I'd taken for her, ending up wrapped in a beach towel.
I had to buy her new clothes on arrival, rinse out everything in the washbasin in the ladies and drape it everywhere to dry before we came home.
She was epically car sick , we rarely ventured far from home, when she grew out of it I started and have continued to be a lousy traveller ever since- and tried every conceivable travel tablet/potion etc available!

Taswama · 04/10/2019 17:23

Well done Sticker . Definitely dodged a bullet there!

comingintomyown · 04/10/2019 18:13

All this maths ,it’s clear Sticker isn’t worried! Also remember a heavier load in the car uses more petrol and mileage is soooo much better on long motorway journeys.

I agree you’ve handled this well and neatly sidestepped being mugged off and having a pretty ropey long journey

Clownfish123 · 04/10/2019 18:36

I seem to be in the minority but you sound pretty cold to me, I'm so glad my family aren't so bitchy. Rather than go in 2 cars you originally agreed to hire and go in one, its obvious the divide should be 50/50.
You were all going together as a family and had planned a nice trip and now you are being petty and spending far more, costing them far more, you've upset your cousin and you'll spend less time together. You clearly dont like your cousin or his child that much, so well done you!

Rachelover60 · 04/10/2019 18:54

I didn't get that the op doesn't like cousin and cousin's child, only that she feels paying 50/50 for the hired car is not fair. I agree with her, there's 2.5 of them and only 1.0 of her.

Many of us suggested she travel alone to the wedding, there are advantages to that like doing it in her own time, stopping when she feels like it, also leaving at her leisure, etc.

I don't know what she has decided.

Clownfish123 · 04/10/2019 19:14

But they would have gone in two cars so going in one car should be divided by two to make the saving fair. If they would have been travelling in 3 cars then dividing by 3 would be fair.
Regardless of which way you look at it (and clearly there is a big divide on this thread so no way is 'wrong' way to see it) they are all family going on a weekend trip together. Now it's costing everyone more and for what?

I would hate to upset my family like that for something so small, hence why I said she doesnt appear to like him that much. No wonder he has 'thrown a strop' he's probably really offended.

category12 · 04/10/2019 19:16

The couple have two incomes and would use 3/4 of the car. How would it be fair for the OP to pay 50%?

Cacen · 04/10/2019 19:39

Why should his wife pay nothing?! Hate it when a couple assumes they count are one person. Wife should definitely pay her share.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 04/10/2019 19:57

No, I can't agree that because they would be using 1 car instead of 2 cars, the hire and petrol should be divided in half, not in thirds between 3 adults. A single person with one income should not pay the same as a couple with two incomes, that's grossly unfair. I think of it as if it were tickets, for a train, plane, or bus. Each adult would have to pay the same price for their individual ticket, the couple wouldn't pay as if they were one person.

Original poster

stickeritup · 04/10/2019 20:05

You were all going together as a family and had planned a nice trip Yes, we planned it as a nice trip for four people, and yet only two of us are funding it?

Now it's costing everyone more and for what? For the sake of my cousin not wanting to pay for two people. And also because the PP who suggested I'd be in the backseat listening to the wheels on the bus for hours made me swiftly reassess.

I still will be having a nice family break; it's a family wedding. Hopefully DC and his family will still join me at the Lakes & Loch Lomond, but if not I'll enjoy myself anyway.

OP posts:

MRex · 04/10/2019 20:06

@Clownfish123
Regardless of which way you look at it (and clearly there is a big divide on this thread so no way is 'wrong' way to see it) they are all family going on a weekend trip together. Now it's costing everyone more and for what?
It's definitely wrong. The cousin needed a bigger car to fit all their stuff. In my family he'd then say "we're getting the bigger car anyway, come with us if you like" and she'd say "ok, how much shall I give you?" and he'd say "just contribute to the petrol because we were getting the car anyway", so she'd say "ok, let's go 50/50 on petrol as you're paying for the car". Done, friendly. But she can't pay some of their car and half the petrol, because she didn't even need a car! 1/3 of car and 1/3 of petrol is just about a compromise.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 04/10/2019 20:16

A twelve and a bit hour journey, with a one year old, who shouldn't be in the car seat for more than 2 hours at a time, so at least half a dozen stops of 15-20 mins each minimum equates to 14-15 hours driving in a single stretch?

Not hugely relevant to the thread but we drive Aberdeenshire to Wiltshire fairly regularly and have done since dc1 was eight months old in one day. Early start, lots of stops at places of interest/service stations and lots of singing with zero issues. I wouldn't however want to do it with anyone else's children.

You are definitely making the right choice OP because I bet you'd either be driving or sat in the back playing with the toddler.

Freyanna · 04/10/2019 20:17

Clownfish - I seem to be in the minority but you sound pretty cold to me, I'm so glad my family aren't so bitchy

How nasty is that?

You obviously haven't read the thread.

mummmy2017 · 04/10/2019 20:21

I just remembered a mercy dash, we went up and collected a boyfriends sister from Leeds drove 7 hours back, I was stuck in the back with a baby, oh my that was not fun.

Mephisto · 04/10/2019 20:43

@Clownfish123

I seem to be in the minority but you sound pretty cold to me, I'm so glad my family aren't so bitchy

Well someone is certainly ‘pretty cold’ and ‘bitchy’ on this thread, but it sure as hell ain’t OP.

monkeymonkey2010 · 04/10/2019 20:53

its obvious the divide should be 50/50....You were all going together as a family and had planned a nice trip and now you are being petty and spending far more, costing them far more, you've upset your cousin and you'll spend less time together. You clearly dont like your cousin or his child that much, so well done you!

Ah bless....looks like the CF cousin has found the thread I can just imagine the cousin saying exactly that!

Clownfish123 · 04/10/2019 22:28

I just think for the sake of 20quid to cancel all the plans to go together, travel 12 hours in separate cars both ways, causing upset in the process, AND it actually costs everyone significantly more. It's just to make a point and comes across cold and unfriendly to me. I understand splitting hairs what an acquaintance but not close family.
Also a long trip with a baby isn't necessarily that bad. If you travel in the evening/night they sleep most of the way, plus naps, programmes on phones/iPads for entertainment, and the trip is/was being broken up into multiple parts anyway. It's more difficult if you're the one entertaining the baby but that would be down to the parents anyway.

nettie434 · 04/10/2019 22:56

I think you have managed this graciously and effectively * You could have ended up paying a lot more than £20 as all the food/accommodation/petrol was split 2 ways. This way you will arrive relaxed and calm at the wedding after a leisurely journey.

Rachelover60 · 04/10/2019 23:00

I think you've made the right decision, op, it's not just about twenty pounds, it didn't sound like a comfortable trip. Now you can relax. I hope you have a good time and maintain cordial relations with your cousin and family.

AnybodyWantAChip · 04/10/2019 23:09

It's definitely wrong. The cousin needed a bigger car to fit all their stuff. In my family he'd then say "we're getting the bigger car anyway, come with us if you like" and she'd say "ok, how much shall I give you?" and he'd say "just contribute to the petrol because we were getting the car anyway", so she'd say "ok, let's go 50/50 on petrol as you're paying for the car". Done, friendly. But she can't pay some of their car and half the petrol, because she didn't even need a car! 1/3 of car and 1/3 of petrol is just about a compromise.

^ This. Most sensible response so far.

JollyJlly · 04/10/2019 23:14

YABU it would only be two cars.

MRex · 04/10/2019 23:19

Not to single out the last poster, but how is it that the two cars brigade are unaware of bigger things costing more? If the cousin wanted to share a house, where they had 3 bedrooms and OP got one, would you be saying "but two houses", or have an idea about how a 4-bed costs more than a 1-bed?

Besides which, THE OP DIDN'T NEED A CAR!!! SHE HAS A CAR. The only thing being shared in her favour is the petrol.

Clownfish123 · 04/10/2019 23:40

Is it definitely confirmed then that the OP cousin couldn't have fitted his stuff in his car? Genuinely asking as I think I've RTFL and it wasn't clear. Why would a family of 2 and a baby not be able to fit in 4 seater? Even with a small car there is space on seat 4 and the footwells.
If they would have had to hire a car anyway then it does change things a bit (IMO anyway)

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