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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with my partner over his mum's will

303 replies

Cherrypea · 01/10/2019 18:10

My partner and I have been together 10 years and have 3 kids (my daughter, his son and a DD between us) When his dad died a few years ago his mum made a new will naming my partner and his sister as benefactories. I have asked him what would happen to his share of the money if he died before his mum and his answer is it'll probably go to the younger 2 children as we aren't married but if his sister died her share would go to her husband. This makes me so mad, he seems happy for myself and my older daughter to receive nothing and he won't ask his mum about it. My view is she could easily name me and my DD should be treated as her siblings are (although that's another saga) he should respect me enough to ask her about it.....

OP posts:
TheSerenDipitY · 02/10/2019 01:07

smh

TheBouquets · 02/10/2019 01:54

If you were the bf/gf of any of my children and I get wind of you talking like this I would make very sure that you would nothing directly from me and I would be explaining to my DS/DD that you are a bit grabby and that you should not benefit from any money left to my DC. If I did not get any reassurance from my DC on the subject I would ensure that the share for my DC would be held in trust by my other DC and a solicitor for my grandchildren.
Grabbers get nothing around me.

sofato5miles · 02/10/2019 02:33

I think this isn't so much about the will as it is about the fact that you are unmarried..

You are now realising that the 'just a piece of paper' shtick is a lie that your brother-in-law's wife is more important within the family than you. Money has a way of defining love and relationships..

BasiliskStare · 02/10/2019 02:44

My parents are not worth a fraction of this money. My DF has told me that the will says all money split down the middle between DB and me. ( He told me - I did not ask ) When DB got married ( no children ) he ( DF) has changed it to split down the middle and if DB predeceases DSIL she has the remainder for her lifetime and whatever left goes to my DCs. Well she could spend it all on sweets & holidays and as far as I am concerned why wouldn't she if her DH has died. I know why Dad did it & I appreciate his thoughts but really really really , I am not expecting 1 penny from my parents. But it goes to show he was thinking about his direct relatives. & I think many people do.

If you knew what money we are talking about here you would laugh. It is a very , very very small fraction of what OP is talking about. I suspect it cost him ( DF) more to draft it with the solicitor than any of us will be left with Smile

I am fully expecting given that my parents are thankfully still quite hale and hearty ( though old) that every remaining penny will go on care homes etc to keep them comfortable. As it should be.

As I said above - never expect an inheritance. darling mother could meet someone and leave it all to him or indeed the cats' home. I did once , many years ago have a boyfriend whose grandpa met a woman after he was widowed and left his house to new wife - she immediately did one of those equity release schemes ( in their infancy at that time ) and not a penny left. But he did it.

I think if Mum thought of OP and her DD genuinely as part of the family she may have made some provision.

Oh well - there's some time typing I won't get back - certainly not before OP comes back Grin Blush

user1474894224 · 02/10/2019 04:03

@lionelrichiestolemynotebook read my comment again....I said that I agree with most posters. Step kid and mum have no valid reason to ask for money. I just said that MN was going against the advice they usually give....which is always treat step kids the same as bio kids. E.g. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a3634520-DD2-in-wedding-DD1-not-invited?msg_id=88447592#88447592

ShippingNews · 02/10/2019 04:11

The fact that many of your relatives have been divorced, has put you off getting married. Well fair enough - that's your decision.

But your partner's mother thinks that since you're not married to her son, you and your daughter are not going to get any of her money - that's her decision.

You can't have it both ways , OP. Stop being so grabby . The idea that you'd tell your DP to get his mother to leave you some of her money, blows my mind.

zsazsajuju · 02/10/2019 04:23

It doesn’t make any difference to the legal position if you were married - if he predeceased his mother you wouldn’t be entitled to his inheritance. It seems to make a difference psychologically to his parents though

SD1978 · 02/10/2019 04:27

Does your child which is not related to him have any paternal family? Have they included all of you? Has your own family included your partner and non biological children? Unfortunately, you're not married and therefore are not entitled to any of the 'rights' of a married person. Your biological child is not seen as part of their family. Is there a reason you've not gotten married? Does he not want to?

zsazsajuju · 02/10/2019 04:27

And lol at “bloodline” will. In England children can claim the inheritance of a deceased parent from a grandparent. She likely left a regular will leaving it to her children

Tweetingmagpie · 02/10/2019 04:47

If I was the mil I wouldnt want the money to go to my children’s partners or their part ers kids, is want it to stay in my family so tit he daughter and then grandkids (sons kids)

Tweetingmagpie · 02/10/2019 04:47

Fucks sake you know what I meant Blush

PickedByYou · 02/10/2019 04:57

Her estate is worth about 4 million

I'd be getting married then. 😅

If I was the MIL I would want any money to go to my children or to my grandchildren. I think that is a commonly held opinion. Also, is your eldest child's Dad about? If not would your partner consider adopting her? Then she would be entitled to a share of the cash (if it happens)

TidyDancer · 02/10/2019 05:07

OP you must see how grabby you're being. This is not money you should ever be considering. Being married does matter here. There is no way I would be leaving money in my will to my DS's girlfriend and her DD. My DIL and step-granddaughter however....I would very likely bypass you and leave something to your DD. You would never stand to inherit if that was me.

That said, how long you've been together is possibly a factor here, and the ages of the DC involved as well.

smugmug · 02/10/2019 05:15

Her estate is worth about 4 million...

  • Did you start the thread so you could have a stealth brag ?
minesagin37 · 02/10/2019 05:19

Why would he die before his mum? Most children don't die before their parents op!

Tilltheendoftheline · 02/10/2019 05:49

I just said that MN was going against the advice they usually give....which is always treat step kids the same as bio kid

There is no 'mn' advice. As we are all individuals making comments.

GPatz · 02/10/2019 05:58

So what was your parents reaction when you asked them that, should you die, your inheritance should be split between your DD and DP and his DS?

Fdpm · 02/10/2019 06:01

Yabu. Not your money it's his.

Fifthtimelucky · 02/10/2019 06:47

I actually suspect it's unlikely that if the OP's DP's sister predeceased her mother, her share would go to her husband. Far more likely that it would go to their children. And if there aren't any children, I'd expect her share to go to the OP's partner instead, or his children. The mother might leave a token amount to her son in law, but I bet she wouldn't leave him £2m.

If I had died before my parents, my share of their estates would have gone to my two children. Nothing would have gone to my husband or to his child from his first marriage. If my husband dies before his mother, her estate (he's an only child) will go to his children, two of whom are mine. Nothing will come to me.

Obviously people can do what they like with their money, but I think the way described above is likely to be the most common.

Jesse70 · 02/10/2019 07:15

Also u asked him what would happen if he died before his mum and he told u it would PROBABLY!!! So noone knows what would happen
u are pissed off because it worried u won't get any money
Ur kid is not entitled to any of it
Also if your husband did pass first and u were married if I were the MIL I would only give it to my blood grandchildren
Your one has her own grandparents etc
U are a greedy fucker and after that conversation u had with your husband I would leave u I would be worried u would marry me then murder me just for the money

ChilledBee · 02/10/2019 07:19

I'm only on page 2 but it sounds like he doesn't want to marry you because he doesn't want to share finances and be legally entangled with you.

Aria2015 · 02/10/2019 07:22

I think this is normal in wills. All my siblings and i are married but my mum has left everything split between us so if one of us died then it would be split between the remaining siblings. My mum may change her will if one of us predeceased her, fact I'm sure we'd encourage her to do that but it's not something we've discussed. This would only be an issue if your dh died before his mother and if that happened she may well amend her will.

calmalamadown · 02/10/2019 07:22

You and your eldest daughter aren't related to either of them. It would pass to him, then his children. Plus if he marries someone else and has a child with them, that child would legally be higher in the ranking than the elder children born out of wedlock.

My FiL isn't giving us any of his £15million pound estate. It makes no difference to my life as it's not my money!

MrsDimmond · 02/10/2019 07:47

All my siblings and i are married but my mum has left everything split between us so if one of us died then it would be split between the remaining siblings.

Do none of you have dc? Aria2015

Because its unusual to have a will that opts to pass inheritance 'back to the pot' (as it were) if a dc predeceases parent. Its more usual to pass inheritance to the offspring of the deceased dc (i.e. the will writer's dgc).

Quartz2208 · 02/10/2019 07:52

Yes I agree passing it back to the pot is unusual it should be passed to any issue (I.e. children)

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