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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with my partner over his mum's will

303 replies

Cherrypea · 01/10/2019 18:10

My partner and I have been together 10 years and have 3 kids (my daughter, his son and a DD between us) When his dad died a few years ago his mum made a new will naming my partner and his sister as benefactories. I have asked him what would happen to his share of the money if he died before his mum and his answer is it'll probably go to the younger 2 children as we aren't married but if his sister died her share would go to her husband. This makes me so mad, he seems happy for myself and my older daughter to receive nothing and he won't ask his mum about it. My view is she could easily name me and my DD should be treated as her siblings are (although that's another saga) he should respect me enough to ask her about it.....

OP posts:
Shinyletsbebadguys · 01/10/2019 21:14

Wow OP, no , just no , money and a will emphatically does not make you part of a family.

My DP neither would receive or would ever want any of my DP money. He absolutely would not se that as remotely relevant to whether our relationship was legitimized.

Even my exdh would never have considered it an ok thing to ask and if either of them had ever asked to make the same request they would be out on their ear, and frankly I dont even get on well with my family but I would instantly see it as grabby and financial orientated.

I have an exdh so been there and done that and I promise you, if you think that this defines a legitimized relationship you are so massively of the mark it is a problem

purplestarz · 01/10/2019 21:15

There's no arguments or discussion to have here.. you have to respect their will and their choice.
I'm from a split family.. my mum has me and my brother she then split from my dad remarried and had another child.
When they die my sister will inherit most of their estate. I think the plan is to split what they have in half. My sister inherits her dads share and my mums share is split between the 3 of us.
It's never occurred to me to argue whether this is fair or not.. I know they spent a lot of time deciding what to do and I'm sure they have reasons for making their choices.
To be honest.. I hope they spend every penny they have on retirement and enjoying themselves.. they've worked hard for what they have and I just can't imagine being so desperate for their money that I'd start arguments over it now.
I don't want to imagine the day that all I'm left with from my parents is their money!

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 01/10/2019 21:17

God you're grabby. It's off-putting. And YABVVU.

Alarae · 01/10/2019 21:18

Logically, I see the reasoning.

If you were married and he received the inheritance, on a divorce it would likely be split between you.

Unmarried, you get squat, so even if he received it while alive he can choose to give it to his kids and not give you a bean with no comeback.

The will is literally following that reasoning. They can't stop you getting a share if married and divorce, but they can choose to keep it within the family only if you are not.

At the end of the day, what entitlement do you have to any of his family's money?!

whiteroseredrose · 01/10/2019 21:19

I was going to say what user said. Most of the wills that I look at every day specify that if one of the beneficiaries predecease, the money goes to the beneficiaries' children. Not the spouse.

choli · 01/10/2019 21:19

OP I think you should demand that your partner's mother pays over your share and your daughter's share of her estate right now. Don't wait for it to be complicated by her death or your partner's. I am sure you deserve itGrin

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 01/10/2019 21:20

Her will is none of your business. You're coming across as extremely grabby. Why would you or your daughter inherit anything from her? I can't believe you want him to ask her about it.

TeacupDrama · 01/10/2019 21:20

I think your MIL's will is fairly normal she is splitting things between her two children equally, if her son died before her the money would go to his children ie her grandchildren ( in this case his son and his daughter ) unfortunately your eldest daughter is no relation to MIL so would not be expected to inherit even if you and DP were married
presumably his sister has no children so it appears MIL is happy for her daughters husband to inherit
this is something along the lines of intestacy
if person X has 4 kids (A B C &D)and X's spouse has already died the 4 kids get 25% each, if however D has pre deceased person X then their share would pass to their children so D's two kids E &F get 12.5% ie sharing their parents portion, the laws of intestacy do not mean that A B & C get 33.3% each ( this would generally only happen if D had no heirs themselves)

Riojasmoothy · 01/10/2019 21:21

My goodness, no wonder they say moneh is thd root of all evil! It seems to send some people batshit!
I am married and it would never, ever occur to me that should my DH die then I should inherit from his mother! As someone else mentioned, it would be wonderful for my children to but not my place or my husbands to say!
I'm just surprised that you haven't married him to up your chances of a windfall, seeing as other peoples money is so important to you!

user1474894224 · 01/10/2019 21:21

@iknowimcoming

Two million reasons. 😂

Thelistwizard · 01/10/2019 21:25

My Mum's favourite phrase
"Where there's a will there's a relative waiting in the wings"
Ha ha, love this

Drum2018 · 01/10/2019 21:30

This has to be a joke. But if it's not and your Dh dies before you, then his mother may well alter her will to leave his share to his kids. She could do this even if you were married. She could leave it to the local cat shelter and you couldn't do a thing about it as her money has nothing to do with you, your Dp, his kids, your kids or anyone else but her, while she's still alive.

EileenAlanna · 01/10/2019 22:08

Your DP's mother ( and late father ) sound very financially savvy. Given the size of the estate I'd hazard a guess that she didn't write her Will on the back of an envelope one night & that a specialist solicitor has covered all possibilities when drafting it for her so that her wishes are carried out. Her Will is an expression of her wishes, not yours, not your DD's from a previous relationship, not even her son's.
Your DP probably just guessed at what is in her Will as he seems to be a bit vague. It could well be that he's being left a life-time interest in half the estate but that it passes to his DC on his death, so that he never actually gets control of the money. It's what I'd do to stop a greedy woman getting her hands on it for her & the DD who's no relation of mine, in the event of his death or divorce.
Chin up, you'll learn to live with the bitter disappointment.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 01/10/2019 22:28

@user1474894224 would you expect the eldest daughter's father to leave his estate to the younger two as well? Or is it just because granny is wealthy? Potentially the eldest daughter would inherit from her father, step father and mother, whereas the youngest tell would only inherit from their mother and father, is that fair?

Andromeida59 · 01/10/2019 22:35

I've been with DP 15 years. His parent's will leaves everything to both him and his sister. I would never even think about being asked to be put in the will.

If DP went before me and we has children, I'd hope that the share be put in trust for the child/children but it would never enter my head that I would benefit personally.

RachelEllenR · 01/10/2019 22:40

I can see why it bothers you as, if you were married, it would be different. However, my parents' will, our will, and i assume my in-laws' will leaves everything to direct to their children and then onto grandchildren if the parent has already died - I think this is pretty standard.

AhNowTed · 01/10/2019 22:52

OP appears to have done a runner 🏃‍♀️

Dandelion1993 · 01/10/2019 22:55

Being married does make a difference.

I hate people that want all the legal stuff that comes with marriage without making the commitment.

Also, if he died first, it would all go to his sister.

HoobleDooble · 01/10/2019 23:03

If me or my sister die before our parents, our share goes to our kids, if we hadn't got kids it would all go to the one remaining sibling. We've both been married for over 10 years, our parents love our husbands, but they're not blood relatives so aren't included in the will. Neither have a problem with this.

1Morewineplease · 01/10/2019 23:22

Am now expecting to see a thread along the lines of “ Why won’t my DP marry me! I sooo love his mum!”

MustShowDH · 01/10/2019 23:52

I want my inlaws and my parents to spend all THEIR money, that THEY have earned on a long and happy retirement.
If my husband dies, I will be devastated.

I hope your MIL leaves her 4 Million to a DESERVING charity.

Gillian1980 · 02/10/2019 00:02

Wow.

Yabu.

Lamentations · 02/10/2019 00:06

If I was his mum I'd take the same view. Inheritance to son and then to my actual grandchildren. I wouldn't be bequeathing it to somebody not married into the family with other children not related to me. I'd want to protect the interests of the grandchildren in the family first, particularly important for your DP's oldest child. Her son in law is married to her daughter and is (presumably) the father to any children they have as you haven't said otherwise. Completely different.

Wheelson · 02/10/2019 00:14

Wow. You just want a slice of the 4 million don't you...?🙄

Topseyt · 02/10/2019 00:56

I've never read anything quite so brazen as this before! This is none of your business at all. You aren't related to this lady and aren't even married to her son.

It sounds as though she may have what is known as a bloodline will, so the money passes directly to her own children, or to her grandchildren if those children have pre-deceased her. It is a perfectly normal type of will to make. You and your DD are not blood relatives. You just happen to currently live with her son. You are entitled to precisely nothing, and that is how it should be. I can't believe you have the gall to think and say otherwise!!

You are a gold digger. You should be ashamed of yourself.