Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with my partner over his mum's will

303 replies

Cherrypea · 01/10/2019 18:10

My partner and I have been together 10 years and have 3 kids (my daughter, his son and a DD between us) When his dad died a few years ago his mum made a new will naming my partner and his sister as benefactories. I have asked him what would happen to his share of the money if he died before his mum and his answer is it'll probably go to the younger 2 children as we aren't married but if his sister died her share would go to her husband. This makes me so mad, he seems happy for myself and my older daughter to receive nothing and he won't ask his mum about it. My view is she could easily name me and my DD should be treated as her siblings are (although that's another saga) he should respect me enough to ask her about it.....

OP posts:
Tilltheendoftheline · 01/10/2019 19:14

If my dp told me I should respect him enough to ask my parents to cover his son in their will, I would look at him differently.

Therealjudgejudy · 01/10/2019 19:14

Get married then. Youu sound awful, and grbby. This non related individual doesn't owe you a penny. Totally gross

GrapefruitGin · 01/10/2019 19:15

But your dd is different? You had her with someone else. That’s just the way it is.

Tilltheendoftheline · 01/10/2019 19:16

Even if OP gets married, and he dies before his mother, op is entitled to anything.

rainydays5 · 01/10/2019 19:16

Your daughter has no right to his families money-regardless of your relationship with him. I'm with my partner 13 yrs- married 10 and I wouldnt expect to be in the will. It's not my money. The same with my kids even though it's their grandparents. I would be extremely insulted if my child's parent started involving herself in how I should divide my money. That's not your business nor your partners NOR his step child. How would you feel if someone started telling you how you should divide your money out?

TheCatsACunt · 01/10/2019 19:18

I have to say that if my son and his girlfriend were sitting around discussing what they expect to see/want to see on my will, I’d seriously consider writing him out of it.

Misanthropy101 · 01/10/2019 19:18

You are being so unreasonable it hurts.

(God i love this forum. My popcorn budget has skyrocketed.)

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 01/10/2019 19:19

I agree with PP if you feel like that then get married

I wouldn't expect MIL to leave anything to your older DD she's not her family as harsh as that sounds and presumably has grandparents on her fathers side who may leave her some inheritance

It's a much larger than normal
Inheritance I'm sure if the estate was worth £400k and not £4m you'd be less bothered 🤔

Your lucky you'd even be considered as a beneficiary even if you do get married - my parents will and trust fund is set up so neither of their son in laws would have a claim on it

cptartapp · 01/10/2019 19:19

You're somewhat naive about all this OP. I wonder what else you haven't considered before you chose to have a child without being married. I hope you're well protected financially. Someone posted a list upthread. Maybe have a look at those issues.

laraitopbanana · 01/10/2019 19:22

I am sorry but it is her money, you can share your thoughts and disappointment but really she can do what she wants.

swingofthings · 01/10/2019 19:22

it's about me feeling my partner thinking it's OK for me to be treated differently because we are not married
I think you misunderstood what he was telling you. He was telling you about his feelings, he was telling you about facts. When you are not married, you are not entitled to the same things you would if you were. In the eye of the law, you won't be treated the same as his brother's partner will.

But again, it's such a pointless discussion to have because she will leave her money to whom she wants, whether your OH is alive or not before she passes away.

C0untDucku1a · 01/10/2019 19:23

Of he dies you wont see anything. Have you both got life insurance?

Being married does not make people split up. Being Incompatible makes people split up. It makes no difference if youre married or not.

lyralalala · 01/10/2019 19:23

Does your OH have a will? That should be your bigger concern

ColaFreezePop · 01/10/2019 19:24

OP if you want your old DD to be a grandchild of your mother-in-law then get your DP to legally adopt her.

However if that happens and you split up expect him to have shared care of her like her current half-siblings.

Even then your MIL is within her rights to name all the grandchildren from your DP line who inherit in her will.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 01/10/2019 19:24

And unfortunately your DD whether you like it or not is DIFFERENT to her siblings - she's no blood relation to either your partner or your MIL Unlike the other two

Really wish people would think before they have kids without being married....

rainydays5 · 01/10/2019 19:24

Also, do you need money to make you feel part of a family?

Newkitchen123 · 01/10/2019 19:26

It's her will
It's her money
It's her business.
You want the rights of a married person? Get married!

Icecreamsoda99 · 01/10/2019 19:26

he should respect me enough to ask her about it

"Mum, you know when you die..." what a lovely conversation to have!

midnightmisssuki · 01/10/2019 19:28

He probably thinks your after the money so has chosen not to marry you just in case you make a play for the money. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Which you clearly want to do......

BrieAndChilli · 01/10/2019 19:29

I’m assuming you MIL has many years left in her yet?
She could spend most of her money on travel/clothes/having fun, then spend the rest on an expensive care home.
She could get a toy boy, marry and leave it all to him,
She could leave it to the cats home

A million things could happen to her money, it’s not good manners to assume you will inherit anything. If you get left anything then it’s a nice surprise
Kjust live your life and stop thinking about the day someone dies. It’s ugly

Celticrose · 01/10/2019 19:31

Take a few noughts of that amount and we would not be having this conversation I think

amiapropermum · 01/10/2019 19:32

If your DP died before his mother she then decides herself what to do with any inheritance she may have wished to leave him. It's not a special pot of money that could be yours if only you were treated better by them. You'd have no legal or moral entitlement to it. You've gotten yourself worked up about something completely pointless. If you were married you'd be in a different position regarding any assets your then DH had, but only once he actually had them.

Tilltheendoftheline · 01/10/2019 19:32

He probably thinks your after the money so has chosen not to marry you just in case you make a play for the money. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Which you clearly want to do

If he didnt think it before, he does now.

Thehop · 01/10/2019 19:32

You can’t seriously think that, if her son passed away, you should get half her money? His girlfriend, and her child that she had with another man?

pallisers · 01/10/2019 19:34

I think you don't know what is in this will for definite. your partner is just presuming stuff.

It seems he thinks that your MIL has made her will so she leaves half to your partner but if he predeceases her to his children and half to her daughter but if she predeceases her to her husband. If so, she is being foolish. The daughter's widower could take the money, marry again and leave her grandchildren with nothing.

Neither you nor the sister's husband should be in this will. It is another question whether she should consider your daughter her granddaughter - not sure many would.

Swipe left for the next trending thread