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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with my partner over his mum's will

303 replies

Cherrypea · 01/10/2019 18:10

My partner and I have been together 10 years and have 3 kids (my daughter, his son and a DD between us) When his dad died a few years ago his mum made a new will naming my partner and his sister as benefactories. I have asked him what would happen to his share of the money if he died before his mum and his answer is it'll probably go to the younger 2 children as we aren't married but if his sister died her share would go to her husband. This makes me so mad, he seems happy for myself and my older daughter to receive nothing and he won't ask his mum about it. My view is she could easily name me and my DD should be treated as her siblings are (although that's another saga) he should respect me enough to ask her about it.....

OP posts:
HJWT · 01/10/2019 19:34

OH GOD You sound like my MIL!! When my DH GF died (very well of man) even though she was divorced from FIL she said she was entitled to his money because she gave birth to his grandchildren but IT WASN'T EVEN LEFT TO FIL! they all got a bit and MIL said they had to give her 10K each...

NO ONE is entitled to anyones inheritance unless they are on the will and they are on the will because the person who's money it is wants them on there!! Not because a grabby DIL thinks shes entitled to it 🤦🏻‍♀️

My nan's money went to a blind charity because all of my uncles would constantly fight about the will 😂 good on her I say!!

Gazelda · 01/10/2019 19:34

I'd be ashamed of my DP if they started questioning my parent's will to the point of expecting me to ask for the will to be changed.

Breathlessness · 01/10/2019 19:35

This has to be a windup. No one could be that entitled could they?

Breathlessness · 01/10/2019 19:36

Ok, HJWT’s MIL can Shock

Dyrne · 01/10/2019 19:40

Hypothetical scenario, OP - your DP passes away next year; but your MIL lives for another 20 years. In the meantime, you’ve met another man and had another child.

Would you kick off if your MIL didn’t include this new child, too?

dontdoxmeeither · 01/10/2019 19:40

I just..

You know what made me think you were extra grabby? It was the dot dot dots after the amount. As if folk would go "Whaaat? Oh well, in that case...

The amount is irrelevant. Yes, of course it's wise for parents/children to discuss such matters. And that's it. Whatever is decided is decided.

CallmeAngelina · 01/10/2019 19:40

She presumably wants her estate to go to her direct descendants.
I'm afraid that you and your dd don't fit that criteria.

NoCauseRebel · 01/10/2019 19:41

Money really does bring out the worst in people doesn’t it?

I can’t be doing with all this fighting people do over other people’s money, it’s incredibly distasteful.

If my child approached me and asked me to write my will in such a way as to leave money to unrelated children in the event of his death prior to mine not only would I not do that but he wouldn’t get a penny either. Hideous.

I have family members who have expectations of their family to leave them money, other family who have had fallings out over the wills of people they weren’t entitled to inherit from anyway, and others who have put pressure on their family to give them their inheritance now before it’s all gone. Shock

FWIW I have a partner and even he isn’t named in my will. Everything I have goes to my DC, with family being executors in the event I should die before they’re eighteen.

I’ve told my parents to spend their money. After all you can’t take it with you, and the idea that people would not spend so they can leave it to me is dreadful.

MrsDimmond · 01/10/2019 19:41

The unusual part of the will is the part where MIL has specified that SIL's share would go to her dh if sil predeceases her dm. I've never come across that. Its usual for it not to go to grandchildren, in trust if necessary.
I'm not saying it never happens but I've never heard of it and it doesn't make "sense" in terms of passing family assets down the line.

Bil could remarry and all the family millions get spent before they die or get passed on to new wife .... half of Mil and Fil's millions could be lost to the dgc.

I doubt mil's will names the bil after SIL. I'm pretty sure a solicitor would query that at the very least.

MrsDimmond · 01/10/2019 19:42

Its usual for it to go to grandchildren, in trust if necessary.

I put a stray "not" in my post

mummmy2017 · 01/10/2019 19:43

So your jealous the money will follow the way the law states .
Just get him to do you a life insurance and do one for your own child.

NailsNeedDoing · 01/10/2019 19:43

You think he should do this to respect you, but don't you see how disrespectful it would be to his mother for him to ask? Don't you think that any respect his family currently have for you would be completely lost if they realised you felt this way?

What your DPs mum does with her will is none of your business. It's not even your dps business.

If one of my adult sons expected me to rewrite my will to include a step child and partner in case he died when he wasnt even married, I'd be torn between thinking he'd lost his mind and needed sectioning and worrying that he was being financially abused.

HJWT · 01/10/2019 19:45

@Breathlessness Yep, she is a fruit loop! They never forgave SIL because she got everything, even though she looked after the dieing man and his own son didn't even attend his funeral 🙄

Winterlife · 01/10/2019 19:46

You must not have enough problems in life if you are annoyed about contingencies that may never occur. You sound like a real joy to live with.

Tilltheendoftheline · 01/10/2019 19:48

I just asked dp

'If I die before my parents how much money do you think they should leave you and your son in their will'

His response was 'why would your parents leave me money? Or leave John money (not really called john). Surely it would go to your kids and ours if we have one (considering ttc).'

That's a normal answer. If we have kids and I die, the life insurance will be what dp gets. My house will go to MY kids.

HJWT · 01/10/2019 19:48

@Breathlessness Yep, she is a fruit loop! They never forgave SIL because she got everything, even though she looked after the dieing man and his own son didn't even attend his funeral 🙄

DoctorAllcome · 01/10/2019 19:49

If marriage doesn’t make a difference to who your are, then why not get married? You say marriage is not a happy place for you, but at the same time you are bitter and unhappy about the consequences of being unmarried.

You mentioned how you think he should respect you enough to ask that his mother add you to her will. But really the respect should go to his mother and her dying wishes. No one with a shred of human decency demands they be added to the will of anyone, not even someone they are actually related to. And they certainly don’t do the cowardly thing of sending their boyfriend to do the dirty deed.

Toriadoria · 01/10/2019 19:55

YABU.
If I died my parents would leave my share to my 3 DDs. My husband would not get anything. Same thing if he died his share would go to our 3 DDs and his son from 1st marriage, I would not get anything and that's fine by me. Smile

DriftingLeaves · 01/10/2019 19:58

YABVU.

Your daughter is not her grandchild, why do you expect her to inherit anything? You aren't married - so why expect to inherit?

Not your money, not your business. Your DD had her father's family to inherit from.

BasiliskStare · 01/10/2019 20:00

Well - if this is real

  1. Never expect an inheritance
  2. Understand the difference being married makes ( under certain circumstances) than living together.

If all is well within a family then being DH & DW as opposed to being DP and DP makes not one jot of difference but sometimes it can

BatshitBertha · 01/10/2019 20:13

You and your DD are not related to her. Why do you think you're entitled to her money?

It's truly shocking that you have designs on her money and are vocalising this to your DP.

choli · 01/10/2019 20:14

he should respect me enough to ask her about it
If your partner's mother doesn't already suspect you are after her money she would know for sure after that conversation. Then she will most likely leave the money in trust for her grandchildren and cut your partner out of the will to ensure you can't grab any of it.

PennyNotSoWise · 01/10/2019 20:16

Shit. All I can say is, I'm so glad my family are piss poor Grin

saraclara · 01/10/2019 20:20

It's bizarre that the OP thinks she's entitled to £2m pounds from his mother simply for being her boyfriend's partner.

A someone else said, if it was £2k this thread wouldn't be happening and she wouldn't be worrying about respect.

AhNowTed · 01/10/2019 20:21

What @BatshitBertha said

You and your DD are not related to her. Why do you think you're entitled to her money?

It's truly shocking that you have designs on her money and are vocalising this to your DP.