DHs texts making me uncomfortable

[legalseagull]

Two children under two. Youngest 6 months. Admittedly sex life isn't the best but not awful either. DH always had a higher drive. Problem is he puts absolutely no effort in at all to get me in the mood. For example the other night I was complaining about how tired I was (Youngest not sleeping through yet). I said I was going for an early night. Stood up to go and he randomly says "do you want my cock". Like, WTF is that?! It's like a half arsed stab at getting sex. Like something a builder would shout at a passing woman to harass her.
Today we're texting about the kids and he completely randomly says "I'd love a go on you". It's just so out of context and bizarre. I suppose he thinks it's sexy but it pisses me right off. He's like a pervy bloke on online dating. I half expect a random cockshot. It makes me feel really disrespected and pestered. He thinks I'm being a bore. AIBU

Er yeah it's a bit weird! 🤔 sure someone at his work hasn't stolen his phone and sent it as a joke?? Or does he always act like a hormonal teenage boy?! There are definitely more sexy/alluring/romantic/50 shades of grey ways of sending a message like that!

No you aren't. I have a higher sex drive than DH and would never say anything like that to him! Bang out of order and disrespect. Also definitely not going to get you in the mood for anything!

Oh dear. I think I'm your DH in my own relationship 😂
Of course if you aren't okay with him saying things like that it isn't okay though, he needs to respect your boundaries. Is he well aware this kind of behaviour makes you uncomfortable and probably had the opposite effect of what he's trying to achieve?

No, YANBU.

He sounds like a right cocklodger!

That’s grim

Ugh. I can't imagine anything that would put me in the mood less tbh!

He sounds like a right cocklodger!

Huh?

Bang on @itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted he is like a horny teenage boy. I'm fed up of being made to feel like I'm being boring. He says I'm always turning him down - well no, I don't turn down the times that he actually tries. I DO turn down this sort of shit, as unsurprisingly I can't just instantly get horny because you say so. Honestly I can be stacking the dishwasher and he'll shout "fancy a shag". Not right now no urgh

You need to talk to him! Tell him that if you came home to a clean home, a cooked meal, a bath run for you and a glass of wine, and he offered you a back rub, you might be more likely to be turned on and to want to shag him! Tell him you feel disrespected by the way he's acting.

@legalseagull
Oh my god - I shouldn't laugh 😂 but that did make me giggle!

I'm generally more in the mood for it than DH and occasionally send the odd "sexy" message but I would never send anything so crass 🤣

You should reply that when he stops acting like someone from American Pie/the inbetweeners and more like an adult you might be more in the mood!

Hahaha the Inbetweeners! Exactly right. Ffs he's 37 not 17. I've told him it annoys me but he just doesn't seem to get it. Just thinks it's me nagging and being boring and turning him down

I presume he hasn't always behaved like this otherwise you wouldn't be so shocked and upset. I can only imagine he's been reading or watching the most juvenile porn imaginable. He sounds like an utter creep/perv.

You need to have a talk with him about this and tell him how disrespectful his behaviour is and how there is no chance of sex with him ever if he continues to behave like this. You need to set your expectations and not have sex with him if he fails to live up to them.

I would want to find out why he has suddenly resorted to this repulsive behaviour.

Has he always been like this?

How flipping crude can you get. I would hate that.

It wouldn't hurt for you to talk to him about how he makes you feel saying things like that off the top of his head and how you could do with a bit of romance.
(Looking up, I see 'idontwanttotalk' has said much the same.)

He's just taking you for granted and that is not on - but he can change.

How romantic is he?!. Those alluring words, 'fancy a shag' and 'do you want my cock' - I'm surprised you're not laying seductively on the bed covered in rose petals saying 'yes please'.
Good God, if my DH used that language I'd never have sex again - well certainly not with him anyway!

Make him a double list of 'Turn off' and 'Turn on' things he says/could say. Leave it on his pillow. Turn ons could include, 'You've done more than enough for one day. Leave the rest to me.' and 'Shall I run you a bath, light some candles and bring you a glass of chilled pinot grigio?'

Yeah sorry but I'm laughing too - not AT you OP, it's just the wonderful way you write!

Honestly I can be stacking the dishwasher and he'll shout "fancy a shag

My normal, helpful self says yes, you must sit him down and tell him how off putting his behaviour is, and you're not a word- activated sex robot. Why isn't HE stacking the dishwasher, while you rest? A partner who does his share of the chores is very sexy.......

Thanks everyone. He's not always been like this. I think since having the kids we've both just got so shattered we can't be arsed do resort to quickies. Admittedly I don't always put loads of effort in, but the difference is - he would be thrilled if I sent him those messages whereas he knows I hate them. When he text me the other night it was so random I actually said "was that meant for me?!" It was. He thought it would get me in the mood.
He just got home and looked all put out that I had told him off. Like I'm ruining what should be "a bit of fun". It's not fun. I'm not some random girl on tinder. He says "don't worry I won't bother again" Ha! 'Bother' like he's making effort.

Sorry for the rant. I've gone to Sainsbury's. Best get out the house to resist the urge to rip his clothes off.

When I was 17, I was in bed with a guy I’d had a crush on for four years, and he asked me if I wanted a beef injection. I got dressed and went home, illusions shattered! He was 18 at the time, you’d think a 37 year old would no better.

But I’ve known, and heard of, many blokes around your partner’s age who think that’s the way to get someone into bed... odd. I wonder if they all read some “guys’ guide to pulling” in one of those dreadful 90s lads mag back in the day!

Sounds like he's read some bad advice on how to get the spark back or something.

Throw it back at him.
Get ya cock out pet I'm gagging for it.
Watch it shrivel....

Ewww, those examples make my skin crawl. It's literally what leery drunks on the street say.

Definitely have a non-pressured discussion about what works and what doesn't for both of you. Make sure he understands why you don't like it too. It could be that he wants to talk dirty or whatever, but he needs to go about it in a way that works for both of you.

Having sex for him is like scratching his arse. He has an itch. He scratches. Job done. No effort required. He doesn't need any warm up at all.

*know better. Why does my autocorrect always want me to look illiterate?

@StarlingsInSummer