DHs texts making me uncomfortable

[legalseagull]

Two children under two. Youngest 6 months. Admittedly sex life isn't the best but not awful either. DH always had a higher drive. Problem is he puts absolutely no effort in at all to get me in the mood. For example the other night I was complaining about how tired I was (Youngest not sleeping through yet). I said I was going for an early night. Stood up to go and he randomly says "do you want my cock". Like, WTF is that?! It's like a half arsed stab at getting sex. Like something a builder would shout at a passing woman to harass her.
Today we're texting about the kids and he completely randomly says "I'd love a go on you". It's just so out of context and bizarre. I suppose he thinks it's sexy but it pisses me right off. He's like a pervy bloke on online dating. I half expect a random cockshot. It makes me feel really disrespected and pestered. He thinks I'm being a bore. AIBU

Sorry you've gone through that @BitOfANameChange Your first paragraph is me all over. Thankfully DH isn't that extreme - yet. I might suggest we have some counselling to communicate better as sex is such a big issue for us. We have a great relationship and are very happy - until it comes to sex

Would he do this on a first date? Did he do this on YOUR first date? Would you have got with him if he had?

It'd pee me right off, like it was supposedly doing me a favour.. "Omg your cock, really, right now?!! Yes my lord and master!!"" gets on knees....

Have a word or it's going to hit the fan - at the momemt neither of you are getting what you need.

I think it's always going to be depending on the type of person they are, as to whether they are open to coming to a mutual understanding.

My ex seems to be a narc, so he was never going to see my POV.

With other men, it might be just better communication is all that's needed.

Send this back.
Hey pervert, I know this is not my kind, romantic husband, so sod off.

I like that suggestion @mummmy2017

Is he nice other than this, OP? I mean, is he pulling his weight with housework/DC, does he pay you complements that actually make you feel good... Has sex with him ever been really enjoyable for you?

Because his behaviour might be cluelessness combined with desperation - not so much to get his dick wet but to feel as though he's still desirable/desired by you. But it could equally be as PP described - not about sex so much as about putting you in your pla e - approaching you in a way he knows is unappealing, so that he can then blame you for rejecting him.

It's like they're just a another child/creature that has base needs that require the mother/wife to fulfil. A person's own young children need food cooking for them, clothes washing for them, etc. A husband/partner needs a hole to cum in. Fucking mother/wife has to provide for everyone.

Completely feel your pain op. Text DH yesterday to tell him I had the headache from hell and got back: "do you want to try my special cream?! 🍌🍆👄😉👌🏼"
No, no I don't!! Moron!

Eww. I wouldn't know whether to laugh or be repulsed.

I'm all for a sexy text, but your dh sounds very lacking.

Oh, that's me in my marriage ... Random dirty texts or comments whilst we aren't even talking about it. Obviously if it's not something you're into, and if it's a new behaviour, definitely speak to him properly about it. Not attacking him, but say that you want to want sex, but the way he's going about it isn't doing it for you. Give suggestions (nothing extravagant like running a bath etc as barely anyone's fella does that for them lol) and just try to work together on it rather than it being you Vs him.

I get texts like this but then it's like a Carry On film in our house coupled with a scene from a Benny Hill sketch!

The difference is that this is how we both are and we both make references to the pork sword, his special lotion, etc. It would be awful if it was all one-sided and it made me feel uncomfortable.

I think some men genuinely believe this is a turn on. Dickheads.

YANBU

But nevertheless I'd love being asked if I fancy a shag while I'm loading the dishwasher.

I'm a very basic person at heart, but I would make sure to not load the cutlery basic at the same time. Health and safety first.

@ReanimatedSGB He's lovely in all other aspects. Does more than his fair share. He's also very loving and complimentary. Always telling me he thinks I'm sexy and beautiful even though I really don't feel it!

Oh god @chilledteacher I've had that one! "I've got a sore throat" - "you know what's good for sore throats? " Although he is joking there

For a bit of light relief. I saw this ealier and it reminded me of this thread.

I think you need to have a serious chat about how you are both feeling. He may be feeling rejected and undesired. You have said you feel undesirable atm, so a bit of communication wouldn't go amiss. Also his crass come on's are VERY inbetweeners. < not

This thread is sooo depressing. I absolutely adore my DH and would have sex every day if we could. This thread is full of women running down their husbands for wanting intimacy. Why? Why did you get married? What changed? Would you have ever thought on your wedding days that this day would come when you hated him. So fucking sad. Heartbreaking.

That would actually make me laugh. Is he not saying it lightheartedly?

A silent minute for all the men out there who are not getting laid because they act too vulgar and disrespectful towards their wives and it's turning their wives off. Poor blokes😢

Huskylover What part of "To love,honor and cherish" does being groped and talked to like you're a piece of meat fit in marriage? I'm really curious because this post is about love and respect which you have 100% missed the whole point of the post

I briefly dated a guy who - I think - tried to use a similar tactic to seduce me via text. He messaged to ask how things were. My son was ill and wasn't sleeping, my dad wasn't long out of hospital etc. I was exhausted. Replied to say that DS was on the mend but we're all tired and asked how his dad was.

He replied: You're not master baiting then 😂

WHAT?? yes, he spelled it like that and did the laughy face and genuinely thought this was a good intro to some sexy chat. I don't think we met again after that.

I asked how his day was, not his dad

Obviously we weren't compatible in lots of ways, including this one. OP, sounds like you and DH speak different 'sex languages' and that maybe he has a lazy approach to initiating things. Hopefully he will take this on board and listen to what actually gets you going

This thread is full of women running down their husbands for wanting intimacy. Why?

No its full of women fed up of their husbands not realising that the way to intimacy isn't a cock shot or a lewd text in among the parental minutiae.

My DP and I send each other saucy texts, but I always make sure to leave a decent gap between anything involving kids etc before mentioning sex as the segue is just too awkward otherwise.

If these guys can't even manage a moment of affection or humour before launching at the full on filth they get exactly what they deserve.

Give suggestions (nothing extravagant like running a bath etc as barely anyone's fella does that for them lol)

Seriously?! That's considered extravagant in your world? FFS a bloke should be able to spend 5 minutes with his arm swishing some bubbles in water if he wants to get laid.

There is excellent dirty talk.

This is terrible dirty talk.

Tell him to work on his material.