DHs texts making me uncomfortable

[legalseagull]

Two children under two. Youngest 6 months. Admittedly sex life isn't the best but not awful either. DH always had a higher drive. Problem is he puts absolutely no effort in at all to get me in the mood. For example the other night I was complaining about how tired I was (Youngest not sleeping through yet). I said I was going for an early night. Stood up to go and he randomly says "do you want my cock". Like, WTF is that?! It's like a half arsed stab at getting sex. Like something a builder would shout at a passing woman to harass her.
Today we're texting about the kids and he completely randomly says "I'd love a go on you". It's just so out of context and bizarre. I suppose he thinks it's sexy but it pisses me right off. He's like a pervy bloke on online dating. I half expect a random cockshot. It makes me feel really disrespected and pestered. He thinks I'm being a bore. AIBU

30to50FeralHogs

what you've said has really made something click for me!

DW is also a physical touch/closeness person, but at the same time can't relax until all the jobs are done (even if someone else is doing them).

if i try it on however sensitively, if there's been no closeness in the lead up to it, she's very rarely in the mood.

but if we've been physically close (eg, snuggled on the sofa, stroking her back, or her playing with my hair) she's much more likely to instigate.

interesting!

it also highlights the disparity in the number of boxes that each of us need ticking before we can get to a place where sex is a possibility.

DW has quite a long list

think i have 2:

1. is she there?
2. is she willing?

from the sounds of this thread, my 2 is one more than a lot of DHs...

My DH is like this at times and it does my head in.

He also makes jokes about knowing what’s good for sore throats and asking me if I would like a facial

I can be doing the washing up in a kitchen that cluttered with mess and he will come up behind me and start grinding against me and then gets offended when I pull away from him.....as if he actually thought that would turn me on?! WTF.

If I’m doing bits and bobs around the living room, tidying up toys, getting the kids ready for bed or something he will grab my hand and pull me over to the sofa so I’m half on top of him and then he will make ‘jokey’ comments asking me if I want his cock.

The stupidity of it all is draining.

Our sex life has obviously taken a hit since the children but his juvenile attempts to try and seduce me or get me in the mood are just ridiculous.

It’s like I’m living with a 17 year old teenager and I don’t have time for that shit!

He also makes jokes about knowing what’s good for sore throats

I don't get this, if he was ill would he not want sympathy instead of you saying licking period blood would be great for his throat or whatever? When I or a partner is ill sex is the last thing on my mind. It makes me wonder if it's truly different for those men or if they just enjoy being disrespectful.

I think it's some bastardised rumour of semen being good for you/nutritious.

Spread by the lacking in intellect.

OP, have you tried sitting him down and saying, look, this sort of thing just puts me right off, can you stop it? And then tell him what you would prefer. if he is an otherwise nice man, that ought to solve the problem.

Because, like a PP said, there are couples who enjoy crude texts and smutty jokes, and there is nothing inherently wrong with going on about your pork sword and 'fancy a go on me clopper, mate?' if both parties enjoy it.

DH and I are like this with each other, just slapstick nonsense at the most unsexy of moments. Difference is we have a laugh and a giggle together while for example he’s making the dinner and I’m hanging up washing. Nobody feels offended or disrespected, and why would you want to make the person you love feel like that?

Your DH needs to get back on the same page as you, OP. He’s a twat to keep doing it when he knows it upsets you. The idiot would find you less “boring and nagging” if he treated you the way you want to be treated.

@ReanimatedSGB

That is good advice but some men are led by their dicks and no matter what you say they won't change unfortunately.

Any jokes about semen facials should surely elicit the reply 'would you like a period blood facial'

I will use that as a comeback next time Rhino!!!

It will be interesting to see what the response is, I wonder just how sexy he'll find that?

I’m wondering about all the husbands and partners here who are described, essentially, as one step above Neanderthal Man. Are any of you willing to tell us whether the seduction technique was always thus?

How was it when you first got together? When did it change? Why did it change for you or him?

That kind of thing. Or did you all knowingly choose “crass” and “disrespectful” “Inbetweeners?”

Of course it's not always been like that. We just have no time or energy now. We have two kids under two. Our youngest is six months and waking all bloody night. We have literally two hours to ourselves an evening before I rush off to bed to get some sleep before the baby wakes. Trying to summon the energy for lengthy foreplay is near impossible. The effort has been dropped in favour of quick one liners which he obviously likes but I don't.

This thread is sooo depressing
OMG. There's always one,isn't there?

Well basically it sounds as though he hasn't got a clue at all about mature adult sexual relationships. I really feel for you. This would truly get up my nose, especially as he knows you do not like it - so why do it.

Perhaps a book on sexual techniques for Christmas? - no maybe not.