Inheritance etiquette - am I missing something here?

[ihavenamechanged123]

I have name changed for this as have been outed on here previously.

I have just inherited £12k from my late fathers estate - he died suddenly and tragically 8 years ago. Prior to his death, myself, DSis & DM had not seen or spoken to him for 8.5 years. He enabled and allowed the abuse of both my DSis and I throughout our childhood until I plucked up the courage to tell my DM. She then divorced him and moved us to a different city nearer her family.

When news of the money came to light, I originally said I didn't want it. To me, it felt like dirty money. I feel really uncomfortable about having it and being in contact with solicitors etc has brought on flashbacks & nightmares. DM & DSis convinced me to accept on behalf of my DD, who is due next month.

Bar mortgage and car, we have no CCs/debts etc and yes, money will be tight with me on mat leave but we have no looming worries so decided to put 10k in a trust fund for DD when she gets here, 1k will go to the charity that helped my DSis and I and 1k go towards our "mat leave pot". DH is completely on board with all of this and feels similarly to me about accepting it.

MIL has just popped over with something for DH. She asked if the money had gone in yet and "how excited I must be." She knows the back story. I reiterated that I felt reluctant to accept and that I will be keeping the majority aside for DD. Roll on a 10 minute rant about how if she inherited that money, she would ensure all of her family are looked after and would treat everyone to a holiday of a lifetime and how no one knew the money was there so technically it's not really mine

So my question is, AIBU to keep this money for DD or considering I didn't want it in the first place, should I be donating to family members (ie her) or spending it on a family holiday for example not that I'd want to go on holiday with MIL, a 15 min coffee is long enough?
In a nutshell, WWYD in this situation?

Do you really have to ask??

I’d buy her a lump of coal.

You sound wonderful and the donation to the charity is so kind of you. Your MIL is a knob. Sorry.

Keep the money. Then do as you wish with it. University best egg for DD comes to mind. Invest for a house deposit for DD. But take it.

Oops! Nest egg!

Ignore her. Other people always have loads of ideas about helping you spend YOUR money in exciting ways (on them!). If they were to inherit I'm sure their ideas would be very different. 😉

Wow she is a money grabber and way way way out of order!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What you are doing is so sensible and responsible and I can't think of a better what to spend it

Your DH needs to have a word.

Your money, your choice.

Your mum's massive holiday might be her way of dealing with the situation. A trust fund and charity donation is yours. No right answer, no wrong answer. No-one else's business.

What you are doing sounds exactly right.
Unbelievable that MiL is trying to wangle herself a holiday out of it!

Sounds like SHE was excited about it and hoping to benefit.

MIL's, sorry

It's 12k right? Not £12m? How do you make sure all your family are ok with 12k? It doesn't go that far!

Totally agree with pp.
She can do one.
It sounds like you’ve made really good choices about what to do with the money.
Congratulations on new arrival and good luck.

Agree with your approach completely. MIL is a CF and also 12k wouldn't go far if you had to buy all the in laws a holiday of a lifetime.

Do what feels right to you.

Do whatever you want with it. People always have strong opinions about what people should do with inheritance. We’ve just inherited a lot of money - my mum died in March and I’m her only child, no other relatives. She was horrible to me growing up and we’ve decided to spend a lot of the money going on holidays etc after using some of it to pay off our mortgage. People close to us have been horrified we aren’t piling it into savings accounts or pensions etc. But it’s not their choice. You just have to learn to ignore people.

None of her business, in any way. She sounds ghastly.

Keep your business to yourself in future.

The less she knows the better.

It’s got absolutely nothing to do with your MIL, why does she even know about it?

Honestly just advise her that your decision is finial and you will no discuss it with her

1. it's your money to do what you want with
2. she can hardly fault you for saving it for your DD?
3. 12k wouldn't get 'the whole family' that far in terms of holiday of a lifetime.Plus I wouldn't go as far as camber sands with that sort of Person were I you
4. Its absolutely none of her business
5. I'm sorry for what you went through. And I think you are finding exactly the right happy medium with this money.

Sounds like she was hoping she’d be included in this hypothetical “holiday of a lifetime” and “making sure family are looked after”...

If she asks again, tell her it’s all tied up in investments bar the maternity leave pot, and you need that to live on. Present it as a fait accompli then she can chunter all she likes but can’t change anything.

WWYD in this situation?

Exactly what you have done. Just ignore her, tell your DH what she's just said, I'm sure he will have a word with her.

She sounds mental.
It's a great start to your child's financial life.
Also, with the greatest respect to your mil, how does she expect you to take your entire family on the holiday of a lifetime for 12k? Flights alone would swallow the budget, assuming quite a few would be included!

I never understand how people have have the gall to try and dictate how others should spend their money.

My family are the same. Keep the money for your DD.

It's your inheritance so what you want to do with it is your choice. It's got nothing to do with anyone else.

I rejected my inheritance from my father and people still go on and on and on about it now. They all think they know what they'd do, but the truth is they, thankfully, don't have a clue what it's like to have had a neglectful and abusive father so they don't have a clue what they'd do.

Do what you want. Stuff anyone else.

Are you expecting g your child to be an only child? Might be a good idea to save it in your name for now and divide it amongst the kids later.

Your MIL is a cheeky mare!

I’d buy her a lump of coal.

Thank you all. My DSis is due to receive the same amount, has absolutely no guilt whatsoever about it and plans to get cosmetic work done with it then, buy a nice handbag and go on a nice holiday with her boyfriend.

Part of me feels I'm being unnecessarily tight with it.

Your inheritance- your decision - endof. Btw I think your decision is a really good one