Inheritance etiquette - am I missing something here?

[ihavenamechanged123]

I have name changed for this as have been outed on here previously.

I have just inherited £12k from my late fathers estate - he died suddenly and tragically 8 years ago. Prior to his death, myself, DSis & DM had not seen or spoken to him for 8.5 years. He enabled and allowed the abuse of both my DSis and I throughout our childhood until I plucked up the courage to tell my DM. She then divorced him and moved us to a different city nearer her family.

When news of the money came to light, I originally said I didn't want it. To me, it felt like dirty money. I feel really uncomfortable about having it and being in contact with solicitors etc has brought on flashbacks & nightmares. DM & DSis convinced me to accept on behalf of my DD, who is due next month.

Bar mortgage and car, we have no CCs/debts etc and yes, money will be tight with me on mat leave but we have no looming worries so decided to put 10k in a trust fund for DD when she gets here, 1k will go to the charity that helped my DSis and I and 1k go towards our "mat leave pot". DH is completely on board with all of this and feels similarly to me about accepting it.

MIL has just popped over with something for DH. She asked if the money had gone in yet and "how excited I must be." She knows the back story. I reiterated that I felt reluctant to accept and that I will be keeping the majority aside for DD. Roll on a 10 minute rant about how if she inherited that money, she would ensure all of her family are looked after and would treat everyone to a holiday of a lifetime and how no one knew the money was there so technically it's not really mine

So my question is, AIBU to keep this money for DD or considering I didn't want it in the first place, should I be donating to family members (ie her) or spending it on a family holiday for example not that I'd want to go on holiday with MIL, a 15 min coffee is long enough?
In a nutshell, WWYD in this situation?

There’s no etiquette here. You have inherited money and assigned it accordingly.
You don’t need to give any to other family or take anyone away on holiday. Anyone who thinks otherwise is being grabby!

Also it sounds like your MIL is angling for a share - people do that and it's sickening. I'd completely ignore her.

I would do what I wanted and not listen to MIL. You are making sure your family is looked after - you are putting away money for your unborn child's future and ensuring you and your husband have a little extra during maternity leave. They are your family. Your MIL is not your family, she is your DH's family and is being very grabby and a CF.

She's envious, greedy, crass and graceless, and you don't need to give her comments anotheer thought.

Where there's a will, there's a bunch of money grabbing bastards relatives! This is Cheeky Fuckery of the highest order. Your plans for the inheritance sound measured and well thought out.

You're not being tight. You're investing the money in a way that benefits your family. I can't see how anyone would see otherwise.
She should mind her own business

Think what you are doing is right but if DD is your first child, unless you are certain you are only having her I wouldn't tie up the 10k so any further DC can have their share.

your plan is perfect and well thought through, if you had decided otherwise and were spending it on family it would be your dm and dsis, not your bloody MIL, i echo all the others who say its none of her dam bloody buisness, and for xmas you should donate to a charity on her bghalf instead of a present to make up for her lack of charitable thoughts and downright grabby nature.

Are you expecting g your child to be an only child? Might be a good idea to save it in your name for now and divide it amongst the kids later.

@AnathemaPulsifer I genuinely didn't even think of that. We would like to have at least one more in the future. That's a good idea, thank you.

Weird that she would be "against" that money going to her grandchild. Surely she should be congratulating you on a very sensible decision not wanting to blow what is now effectively her grandchilds money on a holiday for herself...

“Roll on a 10 minute rant about how if she inherited that money, she would ensure all of her family are looked after and would treat everyone to a holiday of a lifetime and how no one knew the money was there so technically it's not really”

Eh? It’s only £12k. She sounds like a right dimwit.

I’m sorry you’ve had such a terrible time. Enjoy the fuckers money I say

I wouldn’t do what you’re doing, I would spend probably the majority on doing up my house, holiday and maybe put a couple of grand away.

But that’s me.

What you’re doing is absolutely fine and no one else’s business. Your MIL can feel aggrieved you’re not spending it but so what? Opinions are like arseholes.

Your money; totally up to you how you spend it, and none of your MIL's business!

Keep it for your DD.

It's your money and you sound like you're being very sensible with it. It's none of your MIL's business.

'I really, REALLY don't want to talk about it MIL, thanks'

the end.

How are you being 'tight' with it OP? You are putting it aside for yoru daughter, That's not tight. That's just wise. She can use it to take driving lessons and buy her first car. Or towards a deposit on her first home. It's a really useful but not huge amount.

It's your money. MIL would spend it one way and you are spending it another way. No discussion. If she drags on about it, just say: I chose to invest it for DD. She'll be glad of it when she grows up.

Christ she just wants a free holiday ignore ignore ignore. Its not as if its millions and I think you are being incredibly sensible.

wwyd tell her to fuck off, put away her calculator and unpack her suitcase because she won't see a cent of it!!

I think you how you are spending it is very admirable

£12k wouldn't go far anyway if you started spreading it round the family.

God, that's dreadful! You're doing everything right OP. All the best with your little one .

Your MiL is a money grabbing cow. What has your DH said about this?

12k is hardly a life changing amount to be distributed among family - she's a cheeky fucking wagon and I wouldn't buy her a sandwich from it, let alone a holiday. Invest it in your name for now and at least when you need something later on, be it for yourself or children, you will have access to it.

She is just wanting money for herself. Ignore her.
I would put the money into a trust fund or ISA specifically for your child/children. That protects it from anyone/any circumstances that may arise unexpectedly at any time in the future.
I wouldn't save it in your own name as you would have to pay tax on the interest, plus you are likely to be hassled about it by MIL again every time she feels like a holiday or wants some cash.