Inheritance etiquette - am I missing something here?

[ihavenamechanged123]

I have name changed for this as have been outed on here previously.

I have just inherited £12k from my late fathers estate - he died suddenly and tragically 8 years ago. Prior to his death, myself, DSis & DM had not seen or spoken to him for 8.5 years. He enabled and allowed the abuse of both my DSis and I throughout our childhood until I plucked up the courage to tell my DM. She then divorced him and moved us to a different city nearer her family.

When news of the money came to light, I originally said I didn't want it. To me, it felt like dirty money. I feel really uncomfortable about having it and being in contact with solicitors etc has brought on flashbacks & nightmares. DM & DSis convinced me to accept on behalf of my DD, who is due next month.

Bar mortgage and car, we have no CCs/debts etc and yes, money will be tight with me on mat leave but we have no looming worries so decided to put 10k in a trust fund for DD when she gets here, 1k will go to the charity that helped my DSis and I and 1k go towards our "mat leave pot". DH is completely on board with all of this and feels similarly to me about accepting it.

MIL has just popped over with something for DH. She asked if the money had gone in yet and "how excited I must be." She knows the back story. I reiterated that I felt reluctant to accept and that I will be keeping the majority aside for DD. Roll on a 10 minute rant about how if she inherited that money, she would ensure all of her family are looked after and would treat everyone to a holiday of a lifetime and how no one knew the money was there so technically it's not really mine

So my question is, AIBU to keep this money for DD or considering I didn't want it in the first place, should I be donating to family members (ie her) or spending it on a family holiday for example not that I'd want to go on holiday with MIL, a 15 min coffee is long enough?
In a nutshell, WWYD in this situation?

@anathemapulsifier makes a good point. Maybe have a chat with a financial advisor and find a good investment vehicle (maybe a Stocks and Shares ISA) that you can invest the money in for, say, 5 years. By then you’ll know if your family is going to expand and will be able to split it accordingly.

Your money. Your decision. Your MIL comes across as a greedy and cheeky mare. Her idea that the money isn't really "yours" is laughable. The money isn't "hers" either, although she is acting as though you are about to receive a fortune and she's making her claim. What an awful woman.

Enjoy what your df wanted to leave you albeit for your DD or you.
Happy shoppy either way.

I am so sure that if she came into 12k you would not be being treated to a holiday/gifts.

Very insensitive of her knowing the backstory.

I suppose this mony has a bad history but you could look at is as with it in a fund for your DD, its now going to do some good?..

Maybe you could stretch to a one way ticket to Siberia for family harmony

I’ll be honest £12k isn’t going to get much of a holiday if you invite all and sundry. I think what you’re doing with it sounds wonderful even without the circumstances that led to you becoming estranged. £10k for your daughter will be such a boost for her when she comes to that age and the other plans are perfect. MIL can do one!

I would do much the same as you are doing with the money, though investing it with potential future children in mind too.

It is absolutely none of MIL's business, and £12k is hardly a massive life-changing sum. Useful, yes, but if you were to start buying the family holidays of a lifetime it certainly wouldn't go very far.

MIL sounds rather presumptuous and dim, to be honest, not to mention insensitive too. Ignore her, and if she starts up again shut her down firmly.

I'd tell the mad cow to sod off. It's not her money and when she has a windfall she can treat her family but you are "treating" your family, ie your daughter.

It's lovely that you are donating some to charity and your daughter will have money in trust when she is older.

Your mil sounds greedy. I think what you are doing (especially the charity donation) sounds lovely. As a pp said though, maybe keep it in your name until you have had all your children.

Enjoy your mat leave.

I would put it in a savings account and forget about it for a while. Decide in 5 or 10 years if you want to spend or save.

Word of warning about kids - you may want to "hold" it yourself for your kids when they are older - I mean more like 25ish - if you put it in an a/c for them they access it at 18 and 18 yo's are not known for their money sense always!

You could give it as a surprise deposit when they buy their first house.

Buy her a new broomstick.
She sounds bloody awful.

Your MIL is a selfish, insensitive cow and there is absolutely no reason why you should ever feel obliged to speak to her or to deal with her ever again.

You're by no means being tight. You're providing a solid financial base for your childrens' futures!

I received an inheritance when I was only a small child. My parents invested it through a investment financial advisor and I still have the same amount now that was invested over 30 years ago. That doesn't sound great, but in the meantime it's paid the deposit on at least 2 houses and has bought me a car too, yet I'm still left with the original investment value. It wasn't an earth shattering amount of money (less than £10k) but it's worked amazingly well for me and I'm grateful that it's given me the opportunities it has.

Obviously investments can go up as well as down, blah blah, but the point is even if it's just sat in the bank that's £12k that could help your child get a qualification or a house at some point in the future.

Your MIL is totally out of order.

Wow MIL was so unnecessary! What you've done with it is perfect, you're not being tight at all. You've taken something negative and made it into something beautiful for your child(ren). I'd have done exactly the same as you (I like to think).

My father died in similar circumstances, after we hadn't seen each other or spoken for more than a decade. There was no estate in his case, but if there had been anything, I understand how loaded it would feel.

Your plans are great. Your MIL is a cheeky fucker of the highest order. Tell her to GTF if she mentions it again.

Thick, rude, crass, vulgar, the epitome of grasping cheeky fuckery and the quintessence of “none of your damn business”!! Your MIL is so awful its almost comical. I think your idea is excellent and your sister also can do just as she likes with her money too!

I'd tell MIL that she has misunderstood the sums involved, you wouldn't get a luxury holiday for extended family on the amount you have been left.
Saving it to help your dc seems very sensible and positive decision.
Supporting the charity that helped you is a lovely thing to do.

I think your plan is perfect. I'd be keeping very quiet about and family news with my MIL after this. Who plans how someone else should spend an inheritance, especially one with this history.

I think people who have not had abusive parents don't understand the myriad emotions involved in something like this. Maybe she sees it as something like the 'long lost aunt who died painlessly' type of inheritance (you only get in films). Obviously it's nothing of the sort.

You are doing exactly the right thing with the money - i.e. what you need to do to feel ok about it. MIL sounds very insensitive and a bit thick.

Agree with all PPs.

Your decision sounds totally sound. Your sister's decision is equally valid despite being different.

Your MIL is crazy and overstepping boundaries here. She's also bonkers to think that £12k would look after everyone, suppy the holiday of a lifetime etc. etc. She just wants a free holiday!

The PP who suggested putting it in an account for all children you may have was very wise. Save it in an ISA for your children.

I'd probably consider sharing with your DSis because both of you suffered at his hands but your mother? No way and she's pretty crass and insensitive to even suggest it

she would ensure all of her family are looked after and would treat everyone to a holiday of a lifetime Does she think it's £1.2 million, rather than £12k? 'Look after everyone' sounds like paying off mortgages, 'holiday of a lifetime' for a family group would mean blowing the lot in one go. That is what you'd do with £12k if it was 1% of a big lottery win. Utter financial idiocy when it's the entire inheritance. She sounds greedy and financially incompetent.

£10k as an invetment for a baby is a brilliant idea. It will grow and could be used as something as meaningful as a house deposit, a wedding, a postgraduate degree, or a year travelling the world.

£10 for a holiday would be gone in flash and, for a family of more than five, wouldn't necessarily be all that fancy.

None of MIL business. I try, when people say things that has nothing to do with them is just say internally none of your business and let it fly over my head. Your MIL could say that but if she actually got the money probably wouldn't even do what she says. I remember a friend saying that if she got money from lotto she would give some to everyone which is the total opposite of her personality so just talking rubbish.

She's a right dick isn't she Your MIL
It's £12k not a million quid

I think what you've done with its very sensible