DP moving overseas for three years

[Raven11]

He's got his dream job and he's rightly over the moon. But it would mean that he's going to be on another continent for three years. I'm not able to go as while it's a dream job, it's not particularly a 'skilled' role so I can't get a family visa and I have responsibilities for the foreseeable future in the UK.

He's coming over tonight (we don't live together - we were planning to but obviously not happening now) and I dont know how to be happy about it. We've been talking about marriage/kids/happy ever after a lot for this to happen. I feel like the floor has been taken away from me. I don't want to burst his bubble but I have a face like thunder right now.

@BritWifeinUSA
The FAM is even more clear if you post the full text. It clearly says it’s not limited to cohabiting partners. Any household member can apply and if OP is intending to reside with her DP in the US, she is a household member.

“9 FAM 402.2-4(B)(5) (U) Cohabitating Partners, Extended Family Members, and Other Household Members not Eligible for Derivative Status
(CT:VISA-778; 05-13-2019)

(U) The B-2 classification is appropriate for aliens who are members of the household of another alien in long-term nonimmigrant status, but who are not eligible for derivative status under that alien's visa classification. This is also an appropriate classification for aliens who are members of the household of a U.S. citizen who normally lives and works overseas, but is returning to the United States for a temporary time period. Such aliens include, but are not limited to the following: partners or elderly parents of temporary workers, students, foreign government officials or employees posted to the United States, officers or employees of an international organization posted to the United States, and accompanying parent(s) of a minor F-1 child-student. B-2 classification may also be accorded to a spouse or child who qualifies for derivative nonimmigrant status (other than derivative A or G status) as an eligible immediate family member, but for whom it may be inconvenient or impossible to apply for the proper H-4, L-2, F-2, or other nonimmigrant derivative visa, provided that the applicant (the derivative) intends to maintain a residence outside the United States and otherwise meets the B visa eligibility requirements. If such individuals plan to stay in the United States for more than six months, you should advise them to ask DHS for a one-year stay at the time they apply for admission. If needed, they may thereafter apply for extensions of stay, in increments of up to six months, for the duration of the principal alien's nonimmigrant status in the United States. You should consider annotating the visa to indicate the purpose of travel and the length of stay in such cases.”

fam.state.gov/fam/09FAM/09FAM040202.html

Jesus you again. It’s not called a “cohabiting partner visa” first off. It’s a partner visa. You only have to cohabit while in the US.

No, as others have pointed out, this is incorrect. You need to have a provable history of co-habitation. Rental contracts, council tax bills, driving licenses at the same address - that's the kind of thing which you need to take along to your visa interview at the consulate. They may or may not ask to see it, but you need to have it to hand. Then, when you're granted the B-2 visa, the officer must annotate it as 'cohabiting partner' or you may experience further issues when you try to actually enter the US.

People use the B-2 visa for many reasons. It's not called a 'partner visa'. It's a non-immigrant visa for people travelling to the States temporarily for tourism, pleasure or visiting, which can be used by cohabiting partners of visa-holders to secure a longer-than-usual (but still temporary) stay in the US. As well as cohabiting partners, people also use it if they're want a holiday there but are ineligible for the 90-day VWP (eg they're from a country without the VWP, or they have a criminal record which means their ESTA gets denied), or if they're eligible for the VWP but want a longer stay.

The last one is generally only issued to retirees, or maybe people with exceptional plans like hiking the Appalachian trail or something. Otherwise, US immigration considers 90 days sufficient for the average working person's holiday. Asking for six months suggests you're going to work under the table or try to live in the States.

And the real pisser is that getting denied for a B-2 will probably prevent you from visiting the US at all for several years: having a visa denial on your record means your ESTA won't be approved. So this is definitely not a 'make an application, you've got nothing to lose' situation.

@Yabbers
Yes, I know that it’s not always good idea for a disabled person to move. I was just saying that the poster who asked the question was asking a fair question. We don’t know the nature of severity of the OP GMs disabilities. We didn’t even know it was her GM at that point.

My disabled GM moved to Nigeria aged 76 with a full time carer and lived & died there very happily. She had grown up in Nigeria before coming to the US and marrying/having family but she wanted to live her final years there.

So, it was a fair question to ask the OP. You can’t assume everyone’s situation will be the same as yours. That’s all I was saying.

Whatever @aarghcobwebs. I guess it just comes down to who has the better immigration lawyer. We’ve not had any issues in my family.

Never mind whether or not she could get a visa or has to care for her GM, maybe deep down the OP just doesn't want to go to America for 3 years and then possibly be faced with her bf turning around and saying he wants to stay longer. If she doesn't want to go, she doesn't want to go.

My understanding is that America only wants visitors/temp residents who are in good health and can either offer a service, skill or knowledge that is in short supply there OR can prove they have a great deal of money that will be spent in the US. I doubt this 26 year old student and her disabled granny will meet those criteria. If they could there wouldn’t be an issue here -assuming of course they actually wanted to move to the US for three years. I certainly wouldn’t.

My understanding is that America only wants visitors/temp residents who are in good health

Eh? Anyone from the UK with an valid ESTA (basically to identify people who have a criminal record and people with diseases like Marburg virus) can visit.

No country is going to have open borders, obviously, the UK sure has hell doesn't, either, when it comes to non-EU nationals.

Send him a message and say you e hooked up with someone else.
Fucker.

All this back and forth about visas but has the DP actually asked OP to come with her? Don't think so.

Maybe the OP offered to move in with Gran, do her day to day stuff, be paid whilst also studying a degree then masters

Indeed - but OP said she's planning a PhD as well, so by the time she's completed all of it she could be into her 30s and still living with GM, who by that time could well have come to regard her as a permanent fixture

TBH that's what would be bothering me more than anything else

If you're doing a masters you aren't a full time carer though are you? You are a student (full or part time?) who also helps to look after her dgm. All the comments about your career suffering are based on you being a full time carer as that is what you said first.
I'm wondering how the marriage and kids fitted in with living with your gran. I think for both of you this has just run its course.

@DoctorAllcome

Not really, it was flippant and unthinking.

Your relative moving back to their home country is an entirely different situation.

If you love them, let them go.
If they love you, they'll come bank.

Send him a message and say you e hooked up with someone else.
Fucker.

what a stupid and bitter comment.

He's young enough that he's right to try if it's the right thing for him - if he has no real responsibilities here, can't find a job then is offered his dream job he would be mad to refuse it.

If it's meant to be with the OP, they'll work it out, if it isn't, then they can say good-bye. They are not married, they are not even engaged, again, he would mad to ruin his dream job. What is he supposed to do if he struggle to find work here exactly? Live off the OP?

Back**

You write ‘could of’ and ‘would of’ and you’re planning to apply for a PHD?

She can’t just follow him to the US. Aside from the visa issue, as a trailing spouse she would not be allowed to earn money or access benefits. That means unless she is independently wealthy, he has to support her 100%. Food, housing, health care, It all has to come out of his pocket. Even if this was a lucrative position, being a trailing spouse in this situation makes you incredibly vulnerable to financial abuse.

@Greenglassteacup some people just don’t know some things, it could have been more constructively pointed out than the smug way you did.
Not knowing something doesn’t mean you’re stupid.

Erm, I’m not the only respondent to point this out, better crack on and chastise the others then Abso

Also if she’s planning to progress from masters to PHD then she ought to know this.

Send him a message and say you e hooked up with someone else.
Fucker.

How will that help? It's just spiteful and will ensure there is no chance of a future for them, now or 3 years from now.

Imagine if a man told a woman that after she got her dream job. Everyone here would be telling her she is well rid.

Looks like he’s made a unilateral decision about both your futures then

Sorry Op, sounds like a really shit position to be in

He's made a unilateral decision to take a niche/exciting thing in a field he wants to work in ......he woudl be mad not to...he's only 26! FFS if he doesnt do it then when should he....

yes it means your relationship is not going where you thought...what both of you living with your DGM ???? but was that his future... you have chosen that path for yourself .....which is fine for you but equally not his choice..... not many 26yr olds want to live with someone elses DGM and base their lives aorund being carers...why should he...

you are both choosing your own paths - not sure why his is less valid than yours....
yes I can understand why your upset but also selfish ....I think you'd both resent each other in time

if its only 3yrs you'll both still be young - why not have farewell sex til he goes and then call it a day! (whatever you do dont get pregnant though)
let each other free.... who knows what'll happen....you might meet someone amazing on your course ..

You may not feel it now it now but 26 is still young, you have years and years ahead of you. You don't need to 'rush' into settling down with this man. Why not just see how things work out, wish him well with his dream job, you carry on with your studying and caring for your grandmother, plan a holiday with him ... and just take it slowly.
Years ago when I was just a little older than you I had my life mapped out, work until I was X years old, visit X number of counties, buy dream house blah blah blah ... i had a very unexpected turn of events in my life and to be honest my life has turned out very differently to what I expected but still very happily. I am almost embarrassed about how 'fixed' I was on my future when I was young.

@YetAnotherSpartacus, excuse the phrasing. It wasn’t at all a judgment on being an unmarried woman believe me. It was to convey the theory of a young woman being condemned to a life of servitude by virtue of being female and unmarried.