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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU holidays from hell with husband and baby

258 replies

Sophi10 · 29/09/2019 19:47

Good evening hoping to get some opinions tonight... currently on our first holiday abroad in Spain with husband and 9 month old DD. We were all very excited of this much needed break all inclusive so no cleaning or cooking for a whole week. Before booking it I made sure husband was happy with it and we discussed that it’s going to be a nice time to help me with baby as he works full time while I’m on mat leave.
Obviously I accept that DD is tired before 8pm and I’m happy to stay in the room with her on night time so he can walk around go for a drink and relax.

For the context DH has been very supportive during pregnancy and helps home a lot with housekeeping.
The second night he went out and got back in the room at 4am (fine by me still plenty of people out in this location). But at 8am when DD woke up he wouldn’t help me with her at all... just pretended to be sleeping after partying which he probably was as I could smell the alcohol !!
I told him that I’m ok with him out at night to chill but on day time it’s not fair on me to stay asleep till 11ish! He got mad and said I’m not reasonable...
He’s done the same for 3 nights in a row and this morning I admittedly shouted and swore at him for being useless and that this holiday is a f**g nightmare. He since ignores me and hasn’t talked to me all day. I tried to engage conversation and he said he felt insulted and I always complain and “how do all women do why are you the only one complaining?” Then went on saying awful comments about how it was wrong to have the baby with me, this was the worst part of the whole argument to me I felt extremely insulted and speechless...
It just escalated to the point where he said we are not compatible and it’s not working anymore and we should part way when back in the UK, as it’s always going to be the same.
He literally made plans saying he’ll move out from me and DD and I can decide what I do with the house, etc...
Now I know that I shouldn’t have sworn at him but it was just too much and I couldn’t take it I thought this holiday would be great for me too, DD has been fun not fussy at all. I’m doing literally all the childcare home and hoped I’d get let’s say and hour break or two a day to chill too but none of that. The only times he “helped” was when I asked him to keep her so I can take shower or go to the loo...
I’m so upset that he doesn’t realize how tired I am and how delusional he is about the fact that women can and should do it all. It’s like he’s punishing his DD by not spending time with her but AIBU to think it’s his role as a father?
AIBU to think that once you got a baby you can’t act like you’re a young single man or child free?

Thank you for reading me just needed to take this off my chest and hoping for advice on how to act for the next 2 days we got left in here and back home...

OP posts:
billy1966 · 30/09/2019 19:51

OP, you are absolutely in no way responsible for your husband thinking a family holiday with a baby was an opportunity for him to go out on the piss every night until 3and 4am.

Absolutely no responsibility for this is yours.

He is a disgrace.

He should be ashamed of himself.

At the age he is, this behaviour is even worse.

Do not accept any responsibility.

Do not dress this up.

Tell friends and family exactly what he has done.

Honestly, I have no idea how he can come back from such appallingly selfish behaviour.

He clearly couldn't care less about either of you.

So sorry 💐

mankyfourthtoe · 30/09/2019 21:31

Is he going out tonight? If he did then that'd be over for me. Hope you're ok

NewMe2019 · 30/09/2019 21:59

I wouldn't let him backtrack on this. I doubt he's said that on a whim. My guess it's been bubbling away for a while.

Rachelover60 · 30/09/2019 22:30

No, some won't stay in a pram, they like to be up and see what's going on, joining in as far as possible :-). I remember mine doing that, it was great fun. Others seem to sleep through anything.

donethinkin · 30/09/2019 22:49

Oh wow. Sadly you’ve got yourself hooked up with a bad one. I can’t actually fathom what he’s thinking! What a weirdo. Nobody acts like that. My husband is a twat but even he would never ever do that on holiday!! Wow. Just wow. You can do much better than him. He’s taking the absolute piss out of you. Dump him, make him pay child support and go find yourself a decent bloke on the weekends he has to look after her on his own. He’s got a huge shock coming. Imagine all those lovely weekend lie ins you’ve got coming your way very soon. Time to get your life back and dump this loser

prawnonthebarbie · 01/10/2019 00:22

You didn't let this happen and he didn't misinterpret going out for a drink. He's just a prick.

Topseyt · 01/10/2019 02:03

Stay strong. All the best for your journey back.

What's the betting he starts trying to backtrack when he realises that you are serious about throwing his sorry arse out over this?

Don't let him. He ruined the holiday. He thought that you as the woman were there simply to be the skivvy and provide childcare while he went out for a piss-up every night. He must be pretty stupid really.

Stfrancescof · 01/10/2019 05:53

He has been out drinking repeatedly when you are on your first family holiday?!? What a selfish immature prick.

Sending strength OP Flowers

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 01/10/2019 20:48

OP are you home now?

Tellmetruth4 · 01/10/2019 21:04

Why would a man happily go out drinking by himself and leave his partner and baby in the apartment? The normal thing to do would be to take the baby out with the both you or you all stay in and the parents have a drink on the balcony whilst baby sleeps.

What’s the point of a family holiday when the family are hardly together? Why would he even want to be wandering the streets drinking by himself in a strange town when his partner is sitting in by herself. How weird.

carlywurly · 01/10/2019 21:31

Bloody hellfire, what a tosser. Stay strong and beware slipping back to normal one you're home. He's totally shown his true colours. You need to keep a bit of the anger to get momentum going.

Youseethethingis · 01/10/2019 22:10

The bad news is you’ve got a useless fuckwit for a baby daddy. The good news is you already know that you are perfectly capable of being an excellent single mum.
Stay strong OP - this is not a relationship model you want your daughter to grow up thinking is acceptable. Flowers

Gracie300 · 01/10/2019 22:14

Wow. I’ve no problem with my husband popping out for an hour or so on holiday as he enjoys a bit of alone time, but this is after he’s spent hours with our DD in the pool, let me have a sunbathe, etc. Hope you’re ok - I will say think it over and don’t make any rash decisions off the back of this.

FieldsOf · 01/10/2019 23:02

Hope you're okay OP

Original poster
Sophi10 · 02/10/2019 10:06

We just came back home last night. Haven’t spoken all the way from airport to home. House was busy last night so didn’t have a chat yet.
Will let you know as soon as we find the time to makes things clear...
Thank you all for your supportive messages

OP posts:
HuloBeraal · 02/10/2019 13:15

And I bet his non communication now means you are doing absolutely everything for the baby, right?

Wonkydonkey44 · 02/10/2019 13:28

He sounds like a total twat , not sure I could ever forgive this behaviour Flowers

Areyoufree · 02/10/2019 13:35

There's something so wrong here. You were all excited about going on holiday together, he behaved pretty appallingly, and you swore at him because of it. Then, he said you should break up. I have to be honest, OP, you don't seem particularly shell-shocked by that - which makes me wonder about the state of your relationship in general. His behaviour was terrible, but fixable. You swore at him, which you don't feel great about. These are not unsurmountable issues. But his first reaction was divorce - which is a huge leap - and, as I say, you don't seem that surprised.

Either way, I'm sorry about the awful holiday, and also about the potential breakdown of your marriage. There'll be people on here thinking of you, and wishing you well over the next days and weeks. Flowers

Areyoufree · 02/10/2019 13:36

Rats. Insurmountable, I meant.

SleeperSloth · 02/10/2019 15:08

Hope you guys are managing to sort thing out🌻

CripsSandwiches · 02/10/2019 15:10

Bloody hell - is he a 19 year old Frat boy? Who the hell goes out drinking alone every night while on holiday with their baby?

whatever123noname · 02/10/2019 16:12

hope you're ok OPFlowers

NewStart571 · 03/10/2019 21:48

I’ve been thinking about you @Sophi10. I hope you’re doing ok.

ENormaSnob · 03/10/2019 22:00

He really doesn't give a shit about you or the baby.

Grab some remained self respect and get rid.

All the best.

aweedropofsancerre · 04/10/2019 08:08

So you go on holiday with your baby and your DP goes out every night getting drunk. Not quite my family holidays with a new baby. We would hang out together, go for dinner with the wee one and have a late night stroll along the beach and head to the apartment and have a drink sitting in the balcony or go to bed. Never have I been abroad and him left me to go off and get pissed every night. If he wanted that he could have gone with his mates. He sounds dreadful

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