AIBU holidays from hell with husband and baby

[Sophi10]

Good evening hoping to get some opinions tonight... currently on our first holiday abroad in Spain with husband and 9 month old DD. We were all very excited of this much needed break all inclusive so no cleaning or cooking for a whole week. Before booking it I made sure husband was happy with it and we discussed that it’s going to be a nice time to help me with baby as he works full time while I’m on mat leave.
Obviously I accept that DD is tired before 8pm and I’m happy to stay in the room with her on night time so he can walk around go for a drink and relax.

For the context DH has been very supportive during pregnancy and helps home a lot with housekeeping.
The second night he went out and got back in the room at 4am (fine by me still plenty of people out in this location). But at 8am when DD woke up he wouldn’t help me with her at all... just pretended to be sleeping after partying which he probably was as I could smell the alcohol !!
I told him that I’m ok with him out at night to chill but on day time it’s not fair on me to stay asleep till 11ish! He got mad and said I’m not reasonable...
He’s done the same for 3 nights in a row and this morning I admittedly shouted and swore at him for being useless and that this holiday is a f**g nightmare. He since ignores me and hasn’t talked to me all day. I tried to engage conversation and he said he felt insulted and I always complain and “how do all women do why are you the only one complaining?” Then went on saying awful comments about how it was wrong to have the baby with me, this was the worst part of the whole argument to me I felt extremely insulted and speechless...
It just escalated to the point where he said we are not compatible and it’s not working anymore and we should part way when back in the UK, as it’s always going to be the same.
He literally made plans saying he’ll move out from me and DD and I can decide what I do with the house, etc...
Now I know that I shouldn’t have sworn at him but it was just too much and I couldn’t take it I thought this holiday would be great for me too, DD has been fun not fussy at all. I’m doing literally all the childcare home and hoped I’d get let’s say and hour break or two a day to chill too but none of that. The only times he “helped” was when I asked him to keep her so I can take shower or go to the loo...
I’m so upset that he doesn’t realize how tired I am and how delusional he is about the fact that women can and should do it all. It’s like he’s punishing his DD by not spending time with her but AIBU to think it’s his role as a father?
AIBU to think that once you got a baby you can’t act like you’re a young single man or child free?

Thank you for reading me just needed to take this off my chest and hoping for advice on how to act for the next 2 days we got left in here and back home...

- didn't you discuss it after the first time? Why did you let your anger reach boiling point instead of communicating with him while you were calmer?

I'm sorry @HungryForApples
You've read the whole thread and concluded that op is to blame for the fact that her husband was a fuckwit on holiday because she didn't respond calmly enough?
I've heard it all now!!!

Op, if you want to heal your marriage then I wish you luck, please stay strong and be clear about what you need him to do moving forward. Good luck!!

OP, something tells me you are not originally from the U.K. Am I right? I have seen so many British men who thought their wives from elsewhere should be total skivvies.

@fartingrainbows I didn't say OP is to blame. Her DP acted badly and as I said, staying out till 4am is ridiculous. I was mainly pointing out that the whole huge argument and breakup could have been avoided with better communication.

If OP does want to save the relationship then the best strategy would be to take a "what could we BOTH do better?" approach. That's page 1 of relationship counselling.

Honestly op he doesn’t sound sorry for his actions on holiday or he would have changed his behaviour on holiday. He didn’t believe you would kick him out and thought he could get away with it but now he’s afraid you’ll tell people what he did and everyone will Know he’s an arse. Only you know if you can forgive this...

Op. This is my first time on this thread and as I read, I kept thinking, he can make this right. He acted like a single man with no responsibilities. He needs to embrace partnership and parenthood. If you had no children, I might be in the ltb camp too, but since you have a child, I really recommend counseling. It will give the two of you a safe space to work out your issues and really dig into what parenting needs to mean. If you don’t reconcile, it will still set you up for a positive co-parenting relationship.

When we go on an all inclusive holiday we go to dinner together as a family. After dinner we put the children in their pushchairs and go for a walk around the resort or down to the seafront. When the children are asleep we'll find a nice quiet bar with no music or go back to our room via the all inclusive bar and see if they'll give us a bottle of cava to take with us. Then we'll drink it on the balcony and play cards. It's a family holiday. My sister sometimes leaves her kids with the Grandparents so she and her husband can have an adults only holiday but that's not for us. Your husband was obviously looking forward to the nightlife and didn't realise the baby would be a game changer. He needs to grow up and realise that holidays will be different now you have a child. My DP would not be having an evening out on his own.

I tend to find that when I'm on holiday it is very much the case of "same sh*t, different location". I still have to do everything for the kids that I do at home while DP seems to get more of a holiday.

My DP and I always have one massive argument on holiday that results in us breaking up and leaving each other when we return home. It's caused by us and the children being forced to spend a whole two weeks together in one room and both of us having different ideas about what we want to do (I like the pool, he likes the beach, I get up early (for the kids), he wants a lie in, I want to get the airport early, he likes to board the plane last minute...). I'm sure once you've both calmed down you'll make up, we always do.

How are things, OP?

He's sorry afterwards.🙄

He knew exactly how badly he was behaving but just didn't give a damn.

OP, whatever you decide, you at least know exactly how little he cares about you and baby.

I wouldn't place any trust in him being a decent partner long term.

Make sure you go back to work and are financially protected.
💐