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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU holidays from hell with husband and baby

258 replies

Sophi10 · 29/09/2019 19:47

Good evening hoping to get some opinions tonight... currently on our first holiday abroad in Spain with husband and 9 month old DD. We were all very excited of this much needed break all inclusive so no cleaning or cooking for a whole week. Before booking it I made sure husband was happy with it and we discussed that it’s going to be a nice time to help me with baby as he works full time while I’m on mat leave.
Obviously I accept that DD is tired before 8pm and I’m happy to stay in the room with her on night time so he can walk around go for a drink and relax.

For the context DH has been very supportive during pregnancy and helps home a lot with housekeeping.
The second night he went out and got back in the room at 4am (fine by me still plenty of people out in this location). But at 8am when DD woke up he wouldn’t help me with her at all... just pretended to be sleeping after partying which he probably was as I could smell the alcohol !!
I told him that I’m ok with him out at night to chill but on day time it’s not fair on me to stay asleep till 11ish! He got mad and said I’m not reasonable...
He’s done the same for 3 nights in a row and this morning I admittedly shouted and swore at him for being useless and that this holiday is a f**g nightmare. He since ignores me and hasn’t talked to me all day. I tried to engage conversation and he said he felt insulted and I always complain and “how do all women do why are you the only one complaining?” Then went on saying awful comments about how it was wrong to have the baby with me, this was the worst part of the whole argument to me I felt extremely insulted and speechless...
It just escalated to the point where he said we are not compatible and it’s not working anymore and we should part way when back in the UK, as it’s always going to be the same.
He literally made plans saying he’ll move out from me and DD and I can decide what I do with the house, etc...
Now I know that I shouldn’t have sworn at him but it was just too much and I couldn’t take it I thought this holiday would be great for me too, DD has been fun not fussy at all. I’m doing literally all the childcare home and hoped I’d get let’s say and hour break or two a day to chill too but none of that. The only times he “helped” was when I asked him to keep her so I can take shower or go to the loo...
I’m so upset that he doesn’t realize how tired I am and how delusional he is about the fact that women can and should do it all. It’s like he’s punishing his DD by not spending time with her but AIBU to think it’s his role as a father?
AIBU to think that once you got a baby you can’t act like you’re a young single man or child free?

Thank you for reading me just needed to take this off my chest and hoping for advice on how to act for the next 2 days we got left in here and back home...

OP posts:
HuloBeraal · 29/09/2019 20:22

Cocktail*

And yeah he might go on a walk or a swim but I might do that as well.

bobstersmum · 29/09/2019 20:23

It's not normal to go on holiday as a family and one of you go out at night alone! Why did you suggest this or agree to it op? He sounds like a dick though, get rid.

cansu · 29/09/2019 20:23

When on holiday with a baby, you do not piss of drinking in bars and clubs on your own. You may go out for a meal or drink with your partner and baby and then come back to your room and sit on balcony or whatever with your partner. He is being a complete shit.He is either trying to push you to get out of the relationship or he is a moron.

bookwormsforever · 29/09/2019 20:24

He’s an absolute thundercunt. Selfish lazy useless twat. Take him up on his offer to divorce. Jesus.

Apolloanddaphne · 29/09/2019 20:24

What a dick. He obviously wants his single life back.

Grimbles · 29/09/2019 20:24

To be honest OP, if you are doing it all on your own anyway you may as well be on your own, as it doesn't seem like he appreciates you at all.

Clangus00 · 29/09/2019 20:25

If course it’s not right!
I feel very sorry for you @Sophi10. Good luck to you.

Whyisshedoingit · 29/09/2019 20:27

He goes out with his friends and stays out all night back home too? What the fuck?!

Sorry but there's only ONE reason men stay out all night......

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 29/09/2019 20:28

Also to add ..it takes a hell of a person to ignore and punish a baby by withdrawing from them OP. A baby OP. your baby.He is showing you who he really is you need to see and listen to him.I have known some pretty shit men in my time but no way would they ever ignore a baby cos they were in a mood it would never ever happen.That alone would have me running for the hills.You cannot stand by surely and let him treat your precious little one with such contempt?

SoyDora · 29/09/2019 20:29

I’m actually gobsmacked that he’s going out every single night and leaving you sat in with the baby.
We have a 9 month old. Also a 5 year old and a 4 year old. We have had a fair few holidays since having DC. Not once has DH gone out clubbing on his own while I’ve been stuck in with the baby/babies. We have shared all childcare while away (probably 70:30 with him doing more as I’m with them all the time and he relishes having an opportunity to spend time with them) and evenings have been spent together.
I’d let him leave, frankly.

regmover · 29/09/2019 20:29

At home he does a little bit of the housework and childcare to keep you sweet and he goes out... all night? Bloody hell Op, imagine how nice life would be without him.

midnightmisssuki · 29/09/2019 20:30

Call his bluff - ring a solicitor. He’s bluffing and being a bully. I think you should get out of this marriage anyway. I would breezily tell him that you took his advice, Rang a solicitor and will sort out your part of the divorce when you get back home. What an absolute waste of space he is 🤦🏻‍♀️

Jellybeansincognito · 29/09/2019 20:31

I think he’s right, but it’s his loss not yours.
He’s completely disrespectful. When do you get to enjoy some holiday peace and quiet? He sounds completely useless.

bevelino · 29/09/2019 20:31

OP, you know your dh is very wrong.

ohfourfoxache · 29/09/2019 20:31

Forget him “leaving you” when you get home; chuck the fucker out and don’t give him a choice

What a nasty, arrogant cuntweasel he is

Jellybeansincognito · 29/09/2019 20:32

Also- I love how he’s the one who has done something wrong but is the one saying the relationship is over?

Red flags!

Windygate · 29/09/2019 20:32

OP you say he is good with housekeeping but I bet he's done very little actual looking after DD. Never had her on his own etc?

BelleSausage · 29/09/2019 20:33

Take him up on his generous offer of half all his assets and not having to see his smug face every morning. Sounds like a good deal.

I would go home. Change your flight. Get back and find all the paperwork. Get your ducks in a row.

Frighten the shit out of him.

Cryalot2 · 29/09/2019 20:33

Flowers I can under understand you getting pushed to the limit. Rows happen but this sounds way off.
He does sound angry and unhappy and blaming you wrongfully.
You need a calm discussion about the future, he also owes you an explanation as to all of this.

FindusCrispyPancakes · 29/09/2019 20:33

If you’ve gone on a family holiday surely the point is that you err spend time together as a family? Why would he want to go and wonder about and sit in a bar alone (or indeed with random people). We have had holidays with small children, you either put the baby in the pram, go for a meal and a few drinks together or you get some drinks to sit in the room together with the baby. I just don’t see what you need to be going out on your own for on a family holiday? We aren’t at all clingy as a couple, but it just wouldn’t cross our minds. It’s not what a family holiday is about.

He sounds like a knob, whether he was great 9 months ago or not.

Interestedwoman · 29/09/2019 20:34

YANBU. Probably (IMO) he's just said those things in the heat of the moment and things'll go back to normal, (if you want them to) but he has been an immature and inconsiderate dickhead.

Topseyt · 29/09/2019 20:35

What a complete arse he is! You have been far more restrained and accommodating than I would have been.

When our DDs were babies we used to go to MIL's apartment in Majorca. We all went out together in the evenings and looked after them as a team. They would sleep in the buggy when tired out. Same during the day.

If we decided to stay in the apartment in the evening I would put them to bed while DH would get a bottle of wine from the supermarket and perhaps a takeaway or something very simple. Then we could drink wine on the balcony together and read our books.

That to me is normal parenting on a family holiday.

Your DH is behaving like a disgrace. A manchild.

I bet he doesn't mean for you to separate when you get home and is saying it as part of a power trip and to hurt you. So call his bluff and tell him he definitely does have to leave when you get home. Enforce it when you are back too. He doesn't get to behave like a useless shit and get away with it.

MerryDeath · 29/09/2019 20:35

going out drinking alone til 4am, every night, on a family holiday? i'd be furious even before the rest of it.

billybagpuss · 29/09/2019 20:36

Yes I agree with @BelleSausage if you can change your flight and go home, go. Good luck 💐

PrincessHoneysuckle · 29/09/2019 20:36

No way would dh go out alone without me and ds on holiday,he honestly wouldn't want to.If we'd had gone on holiday when ds was 9 months he would have drunk a few in room before bed or not bothered probably.Selfish prick.