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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp says we're sexually incompatible because I can't climax from penetrative sex

420 replies

JustWonderful · 28/09/2019 17:25

He has implied if we split he 'd meet a woman who does.

I think that's delusional - because most women (who don't fake) can 't climax from penetrating sex. I read 75% or higher of the female population.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Merename · 28/09/2019 17:55

I’m sorry your partner is trying to make you feel inadequate Op. And I’m also curious about what people mean specifically - are we talking not climaxing from penetrative sex with no foreplay? As that’s a given. But I’m curious if I am unusual in finding it quite easy with penetration after foreplay.

Original poster
JustWonderful · 28/09/2019 17:55

What’s he going to do? Put an ad in the local paper asking for women who can orgasm through just penetration.

He genuinely seems to believe that a good portion of women climax from penetrative sex and therefore that it wouldn't be very difficult or unusual to encounter one.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 28/09/2019 17:55

Ditch this TWAT and find a man that respects you in and out of bed. Flowers

BumbleBeee69 · 28/09/2019 17:56

He genuinely seems to believe that a good portion of women climax from penetrative sex

He is wrong.

Original poster
JustWonderful · 28/09/2019 17:56

I presume he bases that on the ratio of sexual partners who have - 2 out of ... 5 maybe.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 28/09/2019 17:56

So, why isn’t your AIBU to have dumped him for being selfish and shit at foreplay?

Life’s too short.

Why’s your bar set so low?

SunshineCake · 28/09/2019 17:57

I really hope he's ex boyfriend by now ? I've only read the OP so far.

He is blaming you for something that is quite common and normal. I have probably orgasmed through PIV sex with two men, maybe three times in total. He's a dick. You deserve better. Since he clearly doesn't cut the mustard it's time you looked for someone who could do it for you.

ArabellaDoreenFig · 28/09/2019 17:58

I must be in the minority here as I regularly climax from penetration, and that’s the part of sex that I always want to get to, (ok so that’s a bit of a tmi post sorry!)
But I don’t really understand the point of your aibu- are you polling to see if it’s common to orgasm from penetration, which is a bit irrelevant really as what matters in your sex life is you and whoever you are having sex with.

I would be uncomfortable with the fact your DP is discussing his exes sex life with you- that’s their private business not yours IYSWIM. And if he is unwilling to accept he needs to provide more than just penetration in order for you to orgasm then you are sexually incompatible. It’s up to you if that’s a dealbreaker.

1Morewineplease · 28/09/2019 17:58

Minniemountain has my vote!

SilverySurfer · 28/09/2019 17:58

I'm sure he could find a woman who climaxes from penetrative sex but what he doesn't know is that they would, in all probability, be faking it.

I would be telling him that he has a lot to learn about giving as much pleasure as he gets, and if you split you would have no trouble finding someone more experienced than him who can.

That should deflate his ego nicely.

Straycatstrut · 28/09/2019 17:59

He genuinely seems to believe that a good portion of women climax from penetrative sex and therefore that it wouldn't be very difficult or unusual to encounter one.

Well tell him good luck with that and to bring his real-oragasm detector with him Confused

Original poster
JustWonderful · 28/09/2019 17:59

I've only spoken to one woman who can; only when she's on top, grinding.

OP posts:
newgame989 · 28/09/2019 18:00

He’s delusional and do you really see a future with him?

JoJoSM2 · 28/09/2019 18:01

It was more the other way around - we were discussing our sex life, I complained that he does nothing to make (or help) me climax

Well, it sounds like you were being negative so he got defensive. Maybe just tell him what to do instead of arguing about who can or cannot climax from what.

LilouBlue · 28/09/2019 18:02

Good lord. All hail the Mighty Penis.
So what's your next step OP? It's good that you're being clear about what you want from him, because many women wouldn't. But if he continues to insist the problem is YOU and not HIS laziness and unwillingness to even try to pleasure you, where are you going to go from there?

Janaih · 28/09/2019 18:02

yabu to refer to this bell end as dp.

I'd bet money he is a frequent porn consumer.

Interestedwoman · 28/09/2019 18:02

I enjoy penetrative sex and can come from it (as a PP said, it's from indirect pressure on the clit- for me, anyway.) But I know it's fairly rare for women to be able to come this way. And 'G spot orgasms' rarely if ever happen for me.

So no, you aren't abnormal OP, and your OH is lazy and whiny.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 28/09/2019 18:03

The majority of women dont. But it's not so unusual that he wouldn't end up finding someone if that was his relationship criteria.

It's an odd stance though, being incompatible is something like having vastly different sex drives or one person liking very vanilla sex while the other is a lot more kinky.

You saying 'it takes this to make me climax' (which is incidentay what most women would say) and him claiming that makes you incompatible is him just not being arsed about you climaxing or being lazy. It would only make you incompatible if he hated doing what it took to make you climax

tabulahrasa · 28/09/2019 18:03

“but he said he knew they didn't.”

So... he knows so little about female anatomy that he can’t help you climax and in fact doesn’t even know how to and is uninterested in doing so, but could also tell when previous partners were faking? Yep sounds totally legit hahahahahaha

thepeopleversuswork · 28/09/2019 18:03

I can pretty much guarantee his exes were faking.

As someone pointed out upthread, this is the problem with faking: it creates a whole population of deluded, entitled men who think they turn women on.

At any rate he's an arse.

Scratchyfluffface · 28/09/2019 18:03

I have only climaxed purely from penetrate sex once, and he had a HUGE cock 😉

Original poster
JustWonderful · 28/09/2019 18:03

But I don’t really understand the point of your aibu- are you polling to see if it’s common to orgasm from penetration, which is a bit irrelevant really as what matters in your sex life is you and whoever you are having sex with.

Because he based his view on us being sexually incompatible (apparently) on me not being the "type" to climax from penetration, but to me that's not a sexual incompatibility; because it's not normal for most women.

The issue of what he does or doesn't do to make me climax is related but separate.

OP posts:
diddl · 28/09/2019 18:04

Doesn't really matter about other women, although of course he's wrong!

If you can't & he's not interested in putting any effort in, there's not point is there as he obviously doesn't care enough.

SleepyKat · 28/09/2019 18:04

So basically he bangs away for his own pleasure, does nothing to sort you out and then blames you? I take it you’vE pointed out he’s crap in bed and very selfish? Why do you want to stay with him?

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 28/09/2019 18:04
  1. There's no such thing as 'normal' - sex should be based around what works for the people in the relationship
  1. He's a selfish arse for trying to blame you because he can't be bothered to make you orgasm
  1. It would take a minimal amount of research to find out that he's wrong

I can orgasm via penetrative sex - but only with DH - because he makes me feel relaxed and good about myself. I have exes who couldn't do that which makes me believe it's more to do with your mind and how your partner treats you than the actual sex.

If I were you I would instigate a rule where he doesn't get to orgasm until you have...