Dp says we're sexually incompatible because I can't climax from penetrative sex

[JustWonderful]

He has implied if we split he 'd meet a woman who does.

I think that's delusional - because most women (who don't fake) can 't climax from penetrating sex. I read 75% or higher of the female population.

Aibu?

Emmijay! Yes to the ear blocking and seeing stars type orgasms. And yes, I totally get the clitoral thing on top of the vaginal orgasm too, it’s like two separate notes harmonising. And if DH plays with my clit while fucking me, that’s pretty much makes me trip out and almost lose consciousness the double orgasm is soo intense.

Ms Gogerly, if you're on here now, this is NOT my post!! 😂

Have I accidentally killed the thread! :-D

Whoops. Honestly you’d never know to look at us. We’re both a bit fat and normal

Some have said it's only with one man but haven't specified if it's his technique or something about his dick shape or ???

For me, (one of the ones that's only climaxed from penetrative sex with one man) it's a combination of factors. The first is that I find him so attractive that I'm nearly halfway there before we even start . Size is a factor- he's on the larger side. Apart from the obvious benefit, this also means we can use positions that none of my previous partners could manage. I'm also rather flexible so can shift to the optimum position within those positions, iyswim. And finally, the man has stamina. (XH only ever managed 7 minutes tops- yes I timed it once)

It is a g-spot orgasm, the only time I get a clitoral one is if I'm on top or using a vibrator. On rare occasions I get both, but tbh I've found the larger the penis, the more difficult it is to climax during the actual act- it usually had to be oral or hand-induced first. The vaginal ones are far more satisfying I find (although the rare double doozies are the best )

@Krisskrosskiss yes!!!

Yes. Multiple times/session. Sorry. Every time, no faking. 30+ years.

However, when i was first with my husband, i had to focus on what was happening, (it was not just physical) and that made it exciting. Instead of thinking about specific "he is not making the right move, when will i?" I would think about how exciting it was to be doing this with the man I loved. "Wow! He touched there!" "woohoo! Lets change to this way now!"

He is big and I am small so that is good, but we have amazing chemistry so just kissing can, well, get us half way to the end.

Now, my body has gone through changes and I have to make sure clitoris is "out and about" to touch him. (Gravity) I am older, so all the hairlessness is not our thing. But by keeping things neatly trimmed, everything aligns nicely.

He has a bit of a belly which pushes the g-spot from outside while he is in. Also, chest hair on a man certainly has stimulating properties.

Lovemaking starts out of the bedroom. It begins during the day with a look, a stolen kiss, a touch, a promise. Then it moves to foreplay and beyond.

I think that much of sex is mind, not body. But, as we get older, things change and we do too. To continue to be happy, you both need to safely communicate.

Don't talk about serious sex stuff in the bedroom. Discuss it respectfully when you are both dressed. Then, after you make love, you can maybe recap, if it is not going to hurt anyone's feelings. "Hey, that was really good! Want to try it again only a little bit different?"

I bet that there is so much tension and baggage with making love that your (and his) brain is a good deal of the problem.

We never were only sex. It has always been lovemaking. I trust him. He makes me feel beautiful (still, and I am not when I look in the mirror). He desires me. He still looks at my bottom with a glint in his eye. Of course I have orgasms; I feel loved, pretty and desired. I desire him, love him and we laugh in bed sometimes bc Sometimes funny things happen. To me, yes, we are older, but I catch myself staring at his hands and remembering intimate moments.

I am not boasting, I am trying to explain that orgasms are not just physical things.

Making love is more than anything else about your relationship and how you treat one another. How could you have an orgasm when you have such pressure? Your husband is a jerk.

If he and you could relax and play, I think you might both be happier.

Maybe I am naive, but how can you have pen sex without touching clitoris? Unless gravity from old age gets in the way isn't it pretty much difficult to poke with no hope?

Jesus

He's either only been with women who've faked it, or he's 18 years old. Can't believe grown men would actually think that.

Penetrative sex worked for me but only the missionary position (if anyone still knows what that is).

'At first I wasn't sure if they meant grinding (and therefore clitoral) but since seem to be saying it's not clitoral. I have asked if it's in any particular position but binned answered'

I do about half the time. Not position dependent but guaranteed if I'm on top (sometimes I just can't be arsed)
I have to totally relax and get out of my own head to get there. Helps that DH can go for ages and is skilled and thoughtful. I enjoy it either way, orgasms are just a brief moment, as long as the rest of the time is pleasurable I'm satisfied.

I have to have a lot of foreplay and then I will only in two positions and not every time.
Otherwise it's oral, hand or toy.
Some women fake, I'm not sure why. Maybe that explains why some men are deluded.

'I always thought it was pretty normal to dry hump to climax when young and horny'

Haha yes I remember this

He’s a wanker of the highest order

It’s insensitive of him to say this as it’s hardly likely to relax you is it ?
I’ve had clitoral organs from penetrative sex but not all the time . Only once have I e experienced that deep throbbing orgasm inside which was great and memorable . But what he doesn’t seem to realize is that sex between normal ( for want of a better word ) people isn’t always like a porn film . He needs to grow up or it’ll be his fault if he loses you .

@LisaSimpsonsbff
Hang on, hang on, hang on - aren't those contractions exactly what an orgasm is? What else are you counting as an orgasm if it only 'usually' includes the spasming feeling?

Well, I can only speak for myself but clitoral orgasm for me is like a very intense, building point of pleasure, focused on the clitoris itself and kind of spreading out forwards from my vagina. It doesn't cause muscular contractions in my vagina (I don't think - but it's probably easier to tell with a penis in there! ) Also by vagina, I mean the vagina itself (passage) not the whole area.

Honestly, I think every woman is just built differently. Like reading some pp on here that think oral is essential but I'd really not be bothered if I never had it again.

@JustWonderful I think I said it was missionary position that usually works best for me, also a variant of that where DH pushes up on his arms and arches his back - that really finds the G spot. From behind can be good but it's difficult for him to thrust as he's quite well-endowed (there's a theme here...)

He’s living in a fantasy world and all these other ‘women who can’ will leave him in 5 minutes flat!!! You deserve better OP!!!

Thanks everyone for your posts, it's interesting to get lots of different perspectives.

I originally started this thread because I'm willing to admit I'm a pedantic, argumentative b*tch and wanted to show him a poll, of real women, to prove him wrong in thinking that any significant number of women can climax from penetrative sex and that his next partner, if we broke up, would be any different.

The poll has ended up somewhat flawed because people may be voting on thinking he is BU; because they think from my op he's leave this relationship to find such s woman.

I did consider doing a straight poll "do you climax from penetrative sex or not?" buf thought I'd be assumed to be a journo/researcher/perv (!)

There's also the muddiness around whether posters are answering based on grinding/positions that stimulate the clitoris or vaginal/g spot orgasms (which I appreciate are also truly clitoral orgasms, just the back/interior of the clitoris) or both.

However since I can do neither, I suppose it's by the by.

I've now gotten sidetracked and v interested in how people are achieving these orgasms, and thinking I need to experiment. That depends on the suitability of someone to experiment with (how relaxed and easygoing and communicative and persevering someone is, and thats a whole other ball game. Unfortunately my sex life with my dp has become mired in lack of drive, frustration, resentment etc. and it's whether you can get past that.

(And laziness bon both sides, but I suppose that's linked to the lack of sex drive and resentment!)

Maybe I am naive, but how can you have pen sex without touching clitoris?

I don't think doggy, for example, causes any clitoral contact; aside from a bit of ball swing contact, who h is too soft and irregular to do much ... what am I typing on this forum

*which is too soft & irregular

Also spoons, from behind, wouldn't contact clitoris either. There are bound to be other positions too.

Hi i have had an orgasm through penatrative sex only twice and that was with me on top and with my ex partner. Another partner i was with would always make me cum first before penatration. My current partner either makes me cum first or he or i play with my clit during pen. The latter is in my opinion more full filling. 1 of my partners our sexual chemistry was out of this world and he was the one who made me cum first.

He genuinely seems to believe that a good portion of women climax from penetrative sex and therefore that it wouldn't be very difficult or unusual to encounter one.

I think this is such a common belief in men. My OH 100% thinks this is the case too.

I think you probably upset his fragile male ego. Hopefully his sulking won't last to long. The world is full of man babies who have been fooled into thinking they are sex gods by women faking orgasm. You might have to be more tactful next time😁😁or replace him with a grownup.