Dp says we're sexually incompatible because I can't climax from penetrative sex

[JustWonderful]

He has implied if we split he 'd meet a woman who does.

I think that's delusional - because most women (who don't fake) can 't climax from penetrating sex. I read 75% or higher of the female population.

Aibu?

I'd put money on him being lazy and selfish in other areas too, not just in the bedroom.

Op, you say that you've had difficulty orgasming with all previous partners even from manual.and oral stimulation so it does sound as if there's more going on here and it's not just your do not bothering.

You've also said that he has tried but that it just doesn't work for you.

Maybe relate could find some sex therapy that would help?

Lots of women don't base decisions on a man's sexual performance; they base them in eligability, pressure to settle and more emotional things like connection,attraction etc. Be hinest, men get away with being shite in bed all the time.

You're not wrong here; but is it something you're doing too much? I wouldn't stay with someone who was crap in bed even if he was eligible, ready to settle and attractive. It'd be important to me that we had good sex, or we wouldn't have the connection that I want...

Are you just compromising too far?

For what it's worth, I can have vaginal orgasms from penetrative sex. I only learnt this with current fiancé; previous partners hadn't managed it. It's pretty reliable now but even so, it's not usually just sticking it in... and honestly; someone who put as little effort in as it sounds like your partner does wouldn't get near me, I'd be instantly turned off. And I would find it really, really weird if a man wanted to be with me because I can... it's just one of those things, surely? It'd be as massive red flag that they were going to be a selfish lover who wants to shove it in and hope for the best!

Is he generally a good partner? Is this a compromise you are happy making?

I can orgasm from penetrative sex, but if it was all DH was doing then he’d be binned.

Does your DP know anything about the female anatomy?

I reckon most women he’s slept with have faked it.

YADNBU

Is this a deal breaker for you?

Is this a deal breaker for him?

@Butchyrestingface
I so needed a laugh today, and you did it for me. thank you

Back to OP Why on earth do we women fake it to boost these guys. Why don’t we just say?
Trouble is, far too many watch porn and think they know what they are doing. So many men, really don’t have a clue.
Touching, oral, it’s all so fumbled, yet in their minds, they are a sex god.

I read a thing not that long ago, that most men, don’t actually know how many holes a female has. Far too many men think a female wees from inside her vagina.

Ask your partners, dh, how many holes a female has. You’ll be surprised.

I heard that too (about peeing) and thought wtf?! for quite a while.

Posters who can climax from penetrative sex; is it clitoral or g spot/area or both?

And what positions etc work?

Is he generally a good partner? Is this a compromise you are happy making?

Yes, generally.

I'd like to improve our sex life.

This aibu however has come from my belief that he's wrong in thinking that a significant number of women can climax from penetrative sex. I fully admit I'm.a pedantic fucker i wanted some real facts/experiences to demonstrate the 75/90% figures I'd read.

In saying that - while it's 96% saying I'm not bu ... Many posters have said they can.

Is it just how I've posted and that those who can are more likely to say,?

But then many posters have said they can't and it's the same among any friends etc they spoken to.

*75-80%

I suppose the subject is also going to be obscured by people who masturbate or get their partner to touch them during pen sex ... As opposed to those who don't.

Op, you say that you've had difficulty orgasming with all previous partners even from manual.and oral stimulation so it does sound as if there's more going on here and it's not just your do not bothering.

I have not had many regular partners.

The only two who have tried orally and manually are my dp and one ex.

I had a fwb who tried manually for a v short time but did it v hard and I asked him to stop and didn't bother trying to "instruct".

Neither of them did it for long, partly due to my frustration and relative tension, and partly because I guess they weren't really that bothered esp when it didn't seem to be working.

Any other partners I had were v happy to not offer/try oral or manual and I didn't ask. They seemed totally fixated on fingering and pen sex.

I was pretty young and let them away with it. I was also brainwashed into thinking sex was all about me being good and blowing them away (pun intended).

(Fingering feels good if they get the g spot for me but I don't climax from it and it can feel verging on uncomfortable at times).

I can orgasm through penetrative sex alone as long as it's hitting the right spots, you need to have a good understanding of your own body and not be afraid to direct him how to do it, and be warmed up. Lots of women can, more women can't or don't. But really it's all irrelevant to you and your situation what other women do or don't do during sex, the point is that both of you are unhappy with your sex life.
It is boring and frustrating hearing from some women who don't, that the women who do must be faking or liars and cause men to be selfish lovers.

Could it be possible you really are incompatible sexually, if nothing he does during sex does it for you?

*In saying that - while it's 96% saying I'm not bu ... Many posters have said they can.

Is it just how I've posted and that those who can are more likely to say,*

You'll never get a comprehensive result on a forum. It's such a random group of people who will be on here; and then click into the thread; and then comment. And I said I can purely as a response to your later post, I wouldn't have responded to the title alone as I think it's a weird thing to "show off" about. It's one of those things. Some people can, some can't, some don't know yet. Almost no woman is going to want penetrative sex alone anyway, and even if 90% of the women in the world come come from that; if you were in the 10%, your partner should want to know what works for you and happily do that. He should want to make you happy. Instead he's made you feel like you are hard work, and a bit insecure about whether there's something wrong with you. There's not

Your NC has failed by the way, MN can change it if you report your posts.

I read about CAT and tried that briefly with dp but it was awkward and he wanted to go back to thrusting; he said it wasn't doing anything for him, which made me frustrated/angry but didn't insist because it didn't seem to be doing anything for me either (plus what is the point in sex if hassling someone to do something, it's the opposite of sexy and relaxing).

Ah it doesn't really matter (name change wise).

But it's probably confusing for people so I'll try the other username.

Ok back again with original username.

Could it be possible you really are incompatible sexually, if nothing he does during sex does it for you?

I don't seem to be able to climax from grinding during penetrative sex, unless I haven't found the right position or technique yet. That seems unlikely to be different with anyone else (?)

I also haven't been able to climax from manual clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex so far (if I can't do it myself it seems even less likely someone else would be able to) so that wouldn't be different either would it.

In terms of manual and oral separate from pen sex, it is possible that someone else could - physically and/or mentally make climax.

So id be leaving a long relationship with plenty of good points with a small child based on that. We had a nearly three yesr break oncevznd the man I had a relationship with was worse, I kid you not. I thought an advantage of us breaking up would be sex with orgasms for me (other than self inflicted ) and it was actually more shit.

I found oral/manual no better, probably worse. He couldn't even nipple suck to help me when masturbating; he was hurting me and I had to say a couple of times, and ended up.judt not really wanting him near there. He was also a premature ejaculator who seemed totally unaware and very proud of his sexual performance because he had good recovery time.

I think why the votes are different to the comments is because your op is a bit misleading. A lot of posters read it as your do saying that he'll find a partner who can orgasm from pic, when actually youve now admitted that it was you who said it so you worded your op to steer opinion really.

Your updates seem to reveal that you've never had a satisfying sex life from any partner, so maybe you should look at why. Have you just picked selfish men who aren't bothered about your pleasure or is there something else going on that's more to do with you?

Obviously theoretically I could've gotten together with someone else and it might have been better but that was the wag it panned out at the time.

I think why the votes are different to the comments is because your op is a bit misleading

Ok said "if we split" but I understand it's confusing/misleading - I should have thought how it might be read more carefully before posting.

I climax through penetrative sex with my husband 99% of the time.

I never climaxed through penetrative sex with any other partner before him.

So, I think the problem is him and not you.

However I don't know why this means he wants a new partner, he should just do whatever it takes and whatever YOU want to bring you to climax too (when you want it).