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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for cash instead of presents at kids party?

493 replies

HuntIdeas · 28/09/2019 05:29

My twins are having a 5th birthday party next week and have 50 guests between them! I’m starting to freak out about the number of presents they will get and where to keep them in the house (plus all that extra plastic that will end up at the dump). WIBU to send a group WhatsApp message asking not to bring presents or to put a bit of cash in a card and I can take them to get something they choose? How could I word it?

Most guests are their new classmates (only started 3 weeks ago), so I don’t know the parents

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 28/09/2019 19:41

When you ask for money it sounds like you need money - or else you wouldn't ask for it

Look at the pound in the card gift outlined above. It’s just common sense.

Why are we persevering with buying mounds of plastic tat that kids don’t need? Confused

It makes no sense.

LaurieMarlow · 28/09/2019 19:42

They won’t know!

If they did know, is that the outcome they’d be hoping for do you think?

LaurieMarlow · 28/09/2019 19:44

Why oh why are people spending hard earned money, on a present that isn’t wanted, that’s then surreptitiously and unbeknownst to them dispatched to a charity shop?

It’s a total nonsense.

0hT00dles · 28/09/2019 19:45

Do not ask for cash. Say no presents.

We were recently asked for cash to contribute to something a child was saving for and it was the talk of the class (especially as they turned up to the next party with a book for the child!).

If you say no presents, most people will chuck £5-10 in a card

Kerrywerrywoo1 · 28/09/2019 19:47

I cannot actually believe you could even for a moment consider asking for cash.
O. M. F. G.

Hey1256 · 28/09/2019 19:54

@Kerrywerrywoo1 exactly! It's mind boggling

lyralalala · 28/09/2019 19:55

I’m so glad I live in a town full of sensible parents who see the £2 in the card/piggy bank for what it actually is
This thread is crazy.

LaurieMarlow · 28/09/2019 19:57

I’m so glad I live in a town full of sensible parents who see the £2 in the card/piggy bank for what it actually is

Yes me too

crosstalk · 28/09/2019 19:59

OP you're getting a bit of a hard time.

However, totally agree you should send a round robin just saying you don't want presents but there'll be a piggybank for any coins so the twins can save up. Or just leave it this time and ponder doing it for the future.

I put a curse on whoever invented whole class parties. My DC had a couple of children round once to roast potatoes and light a bonfire. No presents apart from relations and friends.

And @SaraNade what is your problem? the OP has 50 children coming (good luck OP) so her twins are either going to spend hours unwrapping the presents while the other children get bored or gosh, they could have fewer presents and actually enjoy spending time playing games. It's not as if they won't have presents from family.

bakesalesally · 28/09/2019 20:15

We went to a party today where the family asked for donations towards a bicycle that the girl was saving up for. I was so happy to contribute to that. She is 11 though, and it was close friends only.

My son also saved up for something from a specific shop last year. Around his birthday, I told him that only if people asked if there was anything he wanted, we could ask for a (small value) gift card for this shop. I don't like my children to receive large gifts from others and so it seemed to work well.

But I would really rather help a child save up for something than buy just any old tat.

We have started offering a day out to the swimming pool or cinema now as our 'treat'.

20viona · 28/09/2019 20:17

Do not consider this

CatteStreet · 28/09/2019 20:32

I'd be massively raising an eyebrow at a request for cash. The piggybank idea is good, though I woul make it for a charity (perhaps led by the children's interests, so an animal/nature charity for the one that likes animals and a literacy scheme for the book lover (for example)).

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/09/2019 20:44

YABU. The very very least you can put in a card is £5 and that’ll become £10. That’s a lot of money to some people. At least with gifts you can go the Poundland.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/09/2019 20:46

Ah yes the piggy bank is an excellent idea.
I can’t fault that. Then if a parent has only got a spare pound. It is all anonymous

NoPatienceNow · 28/09/2019 22:27

However, totally agree you should send a round robin just saying you don't want presents but there'll be a piggybank for any coins so the twins can save up.

This is a good way of wording it and that way there is no pressure as people can anonymously put money in a money box as little as they want or just not bother!

LucaFritz · 28/09/2019 22:34

Ask for no gifts. Id personally give a book voucher or £5 in a card but i wouldn't give anything if asked specifically for cash its grabby

FraterculaArctica · 28/09/2019 23:09

All these people saying "how mean to deny your child presents, all a 5 year old wants is loads of plastic toys" - well maybe this generation's job should be to change that? In our own childhoods this may have been the norm, but the environmental consequences were much less well known than today. And there is thread after thread on MN that demonstrates very clearly that people who are adults today, who had these expectations set up in their own childhoods, have real difficulty in adulthood escaping from continual expectation of buying more "stuff" for celebrations for friends and family. Surely it's easier to change the expectations in young children than assume they're going to get to 10 or 15 or whatever and suddenly go "oh buying stuff is stupid and wasteful"? It seems to me the difficulty is really in changing our own long-held beliefs.

Eliza72 · 29/09/2019 07:13

I look forward next week to reading a hotly debated AIBU voting post about a childrens party that they've been to , where the host ASKED FOR MONEY instead of a prezzie!!!!!

It does seem a bit grabby, sorry OP😔

We had a similar situation in my son's birthday party in reception . We shared it between 3 of us and didn't want parents to feel overwhelmed buying for 3 children (both classes in the year plus extras so a lot of children 😲).

So we asked for no presents but said there was a local children's charity box there if anyone wanted to make a small donation. Some still brought a little present but we also collected a bit for the charity.

Parents were probably quite pleased to just put a few quid in the charity box rather than the whole present fiasco.

As a side note, that was not a relaxing party 🤣🤣🤣

Ohyesiam · 29/09/2019 07:20

You could say

Because we have twins our house gets extra full of stuff.So can I ask that you don’t bring a present, or give a book or cash if you are happy to.

Trebla · 29/09/2019 08:08

I'd ask for a 2 pound coin. I'd be so relieved if this was asked of me. No shooting for a child I didnt know buying a token gift wrapped in landfill that would essentially end up as landfill. Encourages financial responsibility and is just so much easier.

Trebla · 29/09/2019 08:08

Shopping not shooting!

Hey1256 · 29/09/2019 08:17

@FraterculaArctica I could agree more. Well said

LaurieMarlow · 29/09/2019 09:00

Great post from FraterculaArctica

Absolutely. We live in a different culture where this stuff is so much more accessible/plentiful than when we were young and the downsides of it are much better known to us.

It’s madness to continue like it’s 1990.

MutedUser · 29/09/2019 09:05

It was the OP that said she was going to receive plastic crap . I don’t buy kids plastic crap I buy books and useful things. Do you lot buy kids plastic crap? So because the twins may get presents doesn’t mean they will be plastic.

pikapikachu · 29/09/2019 09:09

Don't invite 50 kids if you don't want 50 gifts.

Regift or donate the surplus. There are charity shops that will happily resell toys in packaging.