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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for cash instead of presents at kids party?

493 replies

HuntIdeas · 28/09/2019 05:29

My twins are having a 5th birthday party next week and have 50 guests between them! I’m starting to freak out about the number of presents they will get and where to keep them in the house (plus all that extra plastic that will end up at the dump). WIBU to send a group WhatsApp message asking not to bring presents or to put a bit of cash in a card and I can take them to get something they choose? How could I word it?

Most guests are their new classmates (only started 3 weeks ago), so I don’t know the parents

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 29/09/2019 09:20

Firstly, plenty of people do buy plastic crap.

Secondly, even if you go down the route of craft stuff/books, many kids have far more of that than they can reasonably use.

On the 50 kids point, don’t know about the OP but in my DS’s nursery you couldn’t hand out invitations in nursery unless you invited everyone (thankfully that was 25 not 50).

80sMum · 29/09/2019 09:27

Fifty "guests" to a children's party?! Fifty?! Good god! Shock I assume that it's not being held in your living room then!

To answer your question, yes YABVU to ask for cash, unless of course you have organised the party as a charity fundraising event, such as a Macmillan coffee morning or suchlike.

If it's just a children's party (albeit with 50 children - I can't get over that!) then you need to specify "strictly no presents" very clearly on the invitations, or you could be inundated with things that your children neither want nor need.

lyralalala · 29/09/2019 09:36

Fifty "guests" to a children's party?! Fifty?! Good god

It’s a joint party for two children in two classes.

Even with one child in one class you can end up with not far off 50 - 29 classmates, a few cousins, a couple of kids from swimming/rainbows.

Plus as long as you are organised it’s not actually much more difficult to organise party games for 50 kids than it is 35/40

DoubtingMyPatience · 29/09/2019 09:38

@FraterculaArctica I couldn’t agree more.

Children shouldn’t ‘expect presents’ especially the types of toys we have now!

My SIL handmakes folks and bears for her little one, and when she has a birthday or Christmas she hints that she doesn’t want her having plastic rubbish, she only buys her wooden toys and games. I don’t think she has anything plastic or electrical. She absolutely loves her wooden magnetic train set, and she has no desire to play with next doors little girls toys.

I think that’s how I want to bring up my DD,

LaurieMarlow · 29/09/2019 09:42

I’ve been guilty of throwing around the term ‘plastic tat’ which isn’t actually fair as there are brilliant plastic toys out there that get passed on and kids get a huge amount out of.

The problem is volume. Most kids have far more toys than they can possibly play with.

CottonSock · 29/09/2019 09:46

I seem to be one of the few who would be delighted by this request. I've put cash in kids cards before. Esp when it's a large party so they get a mountain of stuff.

80sMum · 29/09/2019 09:55

lyralalala "It’s a joint party for two children in two classes"

But surely, they're not friends with all of them?! The OP said they had only known some of them for 3 weeks!

Why not just ask a few friends round for tea? I just don't get why people go to so much trouble and expense for children's parties!

Thinking about it, it must be a bit of nightmare these days if everyone invites everyone in the entire class to every party! Kids would be receiving multiple invitations, there would be another party to go to every other weekend! And if presents are expected, you'd not only be having the expense of throwing your own party for your own child but there would be 30 presents to buy for all the other children in the class when they have their parties!! It's madness! I guess most people must have a lot more money to spend nowadays.

lyralalala · 29/09/2019 10:13

But surely, they're not friends with all of them?! The OP said they had only known some of them for 3 weeks!

Which is probably why the OP has gone with whole class parties - as a good way to make friends, and not accidentally leave out the kid your child has been playing with the last couple of days.

I just don't get why people go to so much trouble and expense for children's parties!

Because the kids love it

I guess most people must have a lot more money to spend nowadays.

A big party in a hall is much cheaper than taking 10, or even 6, mates to the cinema or the zoo or whatever that many people do.

myself2020 · 29/09/2019 10:30

@FraterculaArctica agree with you. as a parent of kids who actually don’t want loads of toys, i find the „you deprive kids of what they really want - loads of plastic stuff to unwrap “ brigade insulting.
(no idea if its parenting or sheer luck, but mind genuinely are not interested in stuff)

LaurieMarlow · 29/09/2019 10:48

Kids would be receiving multiple invitations, there would be another party to go to every other weekend!

That is what it’s like. Total PITA.

Thankfully DS’s school has introduced the concept of a) joint parties and b) small amount of money in a card.

lyralalala · 29/09/2019 11:07

For the few years that whole class parties are a thing there are just endless invitations.

Then you get onto the age of smaller gatherings and the constant worry over who to invite (for the child) that you wish they could have whole class parties the whole time as it's much better than a) trying to decide if they should go to Suzy's horse riding party or Mary's swimming party that the competative mums have deliberately scheduled at the same time as part of their part in the girls popularity battle b) the cost of yours taking 4/6/10 mates to the cinema/zoo and c) the upset when they're not invited because someone they thought they were close too picks 3 others to invite instead.

boringisasboringdoes · 29/09/2019 13:43

I would send a confirmation email round saying
"Really looking forward to seeing you at the party. Just to remind that as we're having a big party this time, please do feel free to either skip the gift or sellotape a coin in a card instead"

boringisasboringdoes · 29/09/2019 13:49

Also putting "cash" makes it feel awkward because then people don't know how much to give and feel awkward and exposed. Plus it sounds a bit like you want to turn a profit. But specifying an optional small amount or saying "coin" makes it easier for the lazy f**ers like me

CecilyP · 29/09/2019 14:41

I don’t buy kids plastic crap I buy books and useful things.

Perhaps OP doesn’t want 50 or 100 books either. Perhaps she doesn’t have room for all the extra bookcases. And one person’s useful things is another person’s yet more unwanted stuff!

nuxe1984 · 29/09/2019 17:38

Asking for cash for a 5 year olds birthday present sounds mercenary - even though I totally get where you're coming from.

How about sending a message to say something along the lines of you're trying to become more eco-friendly in your lives and that your DCs don't need anything although you understand that people like to take a gift to a birthday party - please don't feel you have to buy anything at all, it's your company we're looking forward to - but if you want to then some stationery, pencils, colouring or activity book, etc. would be appreciated. That way you can actually use them and put some away for the winter months!

EasterEgg80 · 29/09/2019 17:56

Ask to bring their favourite book or something. No way ask for cash!

Theluckynumberthree · 29/09/2019 18:08

The £2.00 coin in a card I think is a lovely idea, can’t find the poster who wrote it. It’s not CF asking for that amount and sounds better than cash. In OP case that is 100 between the twins and you can buy something decent with that and doesn’t leave guests out of pocket. I’d much rather that as a guest, pop £2 in a card over buying a pressie which costs at least £5

nannygoat50 · 29/09/2019 18:08

Just say no presents and some will bring them anyway. Or donate to a charity . No child needs 50 presents!!!!

Toomuchtrouble4me · 29/09/2019 18:12

Hi Crass
Just say no gifts please. Or take 60% of the gifts to a charity shop.
I would never give cash to 5yr olds and actually I would think that you were looking to make a nice £500 profit if I received such a rude request.

witherwings · 29/09/2019 18:14

How about saying that we don't need gifts but kids are saving to buy xxxx big gift (e.g Lego set) and would be thrilled to receive a small donation (50p/£1) towards this?
Most will be relieved they don't have to think of something to buy when they don't know the child and would be more than happy to sellotape a £1 in a card!

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 29/09/2019 18:18

Ask for books?

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 29/09/2019 18:19

Or just ask people not to buy plastic stuff because if the planet - but only if they ask you what the kids would like.

Osquito · 29/09/2019 18:23

I’d love to get an invite asking for £2 or a fiver in a card, and equally would appreciate it for DS (5) as he has started trying to save up for big things... he got a £10 note from a friend last birthday and was so excited to spend it just how he wanted.

I’d never be brave enough to ask for cash gifts myself, however. I think in your particular situation it can’t be done - it’s a bit late, you don’t know people that well, etc.

di2004 · 29/09/2019 18:33
  1. Don’t ask for cash gifts, it’s very rude.
  2. 50 guests is rather a lot. Keep it simple while they’re young.
theartoftired · 29/09/2019 18:36

I can't see the problem tbh