To ask for cash instead of presents at kids party?

[HuntIdeas]

My twins are having a 5th birthday party next week and have 50 guests between them! I’m starting to freak out about the number of presents they will get and where to keep them in the house (plus all that extra plastic that will end up at the dump). WIBU to send a group WhatsApp message asking not to bring presents or to put a bit of cash in a card and I can take them to get something they choose? How could I word it?

Most guests are their new classmates (only started 3 weeks ago), so I don’t know the parents

I would think the parents extremely cheeky and very grabby if they asked for cash even if it was because the child was saving for something. Either say no presents please or just collect all the presents up, give some to your kids, donate some to charity and keep the rest to use for regifts.

My daughter got a £10 note in a card from one of the kids in her class last year, She loved it but I was shocked and thought it very odd!

I’m not in the uk & we do it a little differently here. Firstly, it’s near the start of term, so good timing to set a precedent for this school year. Secondly, I would suggest asking a friend to send a group WhatsApp letting other parents know that they are organising a joint gift, and if any parents would like to contribute then they can give them the money. I think age 5 upwards is a perfect age to do that... You’re not asking for cash, and it’s only a suggestion - nobody will feel obliged, and it may help to reduce the amount of plastic stuff that your dc’s are given.

Just ask for no presents, it's not right to ask for money, because people would maybe in the situation of wondering how much money to give, and worry if it was too much,or too little etc.

I would ask a few people to maybe bring a few cakes instead, nobody want's or needs a load of tat gifts really. It's not being mean, best to be realistic and practical.

I’m not sure what presents you’re expecting op? You won’t be getting massive £20/30 gifts. Some will spend a couple of quid on a pack of crayons or a book or something. You can’t ask for money as people won’t be spending enough in the main to feel ok with putting money in an envelope instead. It must be your first party. You’ll get the hang of it. Do guests think they need to bring a present for each child? Is the invite from both of your children! Perhaps make it clear you don’t expect a present for each child?? Or you may have 100 presents!!

It's a no from me.

I like the £1-2 for piggy bank tbh and would be fine with that

Asking for cash is outrageous and frankly low class.
Just dont do it.
Ask for no presents if you're worried about too much stuff or give some of it to a children's hospital.

Haven’t read the full thread but if you would buy something for the children with the cash wouldn’t that be just as much to find space for.Is it that you want to buy one big present each with everyone’s cash ? If so I think this would be CF.

I did this once for my twins when they turned 8 just three weeks before we were going abroad on exchange for an entire year. I explained in the invitations that we were going away and our luggage allowance would be mostly taken up with clothes, so no presents, please! I also said we were hoping to buy them a set of K'nex to keep them occupied in airport lounges, so if people wanted to contribute to that it would be welcomed. Nobody was offended, most contributed something, we bought the big set in a carry case and it worked a treat keeping them occupied. Win/win/win.
I think even though you aren't going away, if you say no presents please first but then nominate something shared you're saving for, it could go down alright.

Lots of people might be relieved to bung a fiver in a birthday card and be done!

For large parties we usually add on the invite ‘No presents please, just bring yourself.’ Sometimes we say there’ll be a charity bucket (for a kids’ charity) at the door if people would like to give something.

starwind

She said "no presents" in the invitation because she didn't want to find room for c.50 presents. And wondered if cash could be asked for instead if they want to still give a gift.

So presumably she would rather no gifts. And then if they bring cash, the kids can choose 1 or 2 bighers gifts they actually want. Or spend it on something like a trip to the zoo/softplay/cinema whatever.

How tacky. Just say ‘cards only’, thank you.

Personally I can't see the issue of saying "no gifts please, however if you insist, please consider giving some money towards outing/charity/bigger gifts. No more than £1 please"

So if people want to give money they don't feel obliged to give more than they can afford and the 5yo doesnt end up with £100 or whatever.

I was exactly the same at my twins 5th birthday party OP. And they're October so close to Christmas. I've said no presents before and they got loads. So we said no presents but if they wanted to give a small donation towards a climbing frame for the garden that'd be very much appreciated. It was all anonymous in a bucket so don't know what anyone put in, but we ended up with £600!! It was absolutely mind blowing how generous people were. We've still got the frame 3 years later.

Just don't have a party ... sorted

I'm really surprised that so many people are getting so pissy about it!

I think it's fine, especially the £2 for the piggy bank idea!

Just don't have a party ... sorted

But lots of kids that age love having a party. Why would you do that?

I don’t think it’s rude at all. I spend bloody ages choosing presents so am over the moon if cash is an acceptable option! Especially as the parents don’t know you or your children well so wouldn’t really have a clue what they like.

What about saying a book to be given to the school ? Or to buy for one or other not both?

I think it's different if you ask family for cash, it's just more practical in some peoples cases.

I think people would take it badly if you asked for cash, when you have only just met them.

I personally don't see why people get all bent out of shape over it. Just put in a card what you would spend.
Saves a trip to the shop for me and you don't end up with plastic rubbish, win win I say

Just reading some more of the comments I would also add that I find party invites that request only your presence and no presents, especially for ones children a bit on the stuck up side. Also, turning up without anything to a child’s party feels a bit mean to me, for gods sake you accept someone’s hospitality you have a bit of cake it’s normal to contribute something and I don’t think it’s offensive at all to expect something especially for little kids. I mean I wouldn’t be cross if someone didn’t bring a gift but if nobody brought a gift I’d feel a bit sorry for my kids!

Who on earth hosts a party for 50 five year olds??

Sounds like my idea of hell.

It seems a bit extreme to be having a party with over 50 guests when you don't even know most of them.
Could you not celebtrate a birthday in a lower key event?
When my kids were 5 I remember taking one set to a city farm and pizza at home ( 8 close friends) my DD wanted a princess tea party, with china tea cups, napkins and strawberry cakes. Bubbles and prizes in the garden, again 8 children in total.
No unwanted presents, no extravagance
Fifty guests including mostly strangers seems a strange choice.

Will your children enjoy being surrounded by so many kids they hardly know?
Surely a smaller gathering with people that your children know and care for would give them a happier day.

OP has 2 kids in different classes and one presumes full class parties are the way it’s done where she is.

If i got a whatsapp asking for money id be furious. Your worried about plastic and where to put presents??? Its not all about you. Children love to open presents not have money. Fill your house with presents and embrace it. As for the no gifts thing. A 5 year old dosnt get that. Its there day not yours dear. Have a clear out drop some stuff at womens shelter head office.