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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for cash instead of presents at kids party?

493 replies

HuntIdeas · 28/09/2019 05:29

My twins are having a 5th birthday party next week and have 50 guests between them! I’m starting to freak out about the number of presents they will get and where to keep them in the house (plus all that extra plastic that will end up at the dump). WIBU to send a group WhatsApp message asking not to bring presents or to put a bit of cash in a card and I can take them to get something they choose? How could I word it?

Most guests are their new classmates (only started 3 weeks ago), so I don’t know the parents

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 29/09/2019 20:42

So you’d be furious if asked for 2 quid in a card, but absolutely fine with the present you bought being sent straight to charity?

Wow, people are strange.

EmeraldShamrock · 29/09/2019 20:43

Next year OP when you know the parents better do a cheeky poem not presents just pretence but if u insist paper is welcome, mention the environment too 🤣
On a serious note I think it is a great idea for reducing plastic, saving time fiver fever needs to take off.

EmeraldShamrock · 29/09/2019 20:44

*presence

CasanovaFrankenstein · 29/09/2019 21:09

Just say no gifts please. Most people will twig that you will be overwhelmed with loads of stuff if everyone brings gifts plus potential for duplicates.

Celestine70 · 29/09/2019 21:16

I wouldn't automatically expect presents. Just say their company is enough but if they want to give something a couple of quid is enough.

lakeswimmer · 29/09/2019 21:33

OP I symapathise with your situation and think the £2 in the piggy bank is a great idea as lots of people don't want to turn up empty-handed to a kids' party.

My DS1's birthday is in Christmas week and with three DC we used to have a huge influx of toys/other items at that time of year. One year I talked to DS1 about it and we agreed he'd ask for charity donations instead of presents at his party. He chose a wildlife charity and most people seemed happy to give a donation instead of buying a gift. We put some information in with the invites saying which charity it was and afterwards thanked people and told them how much we'd raised. DS1 chose to do the same thing the following year with a different charity.

This was towards the end of primary school and we knew all the other kids and parents very well.

IamWaggingBrenda · 29/09/2019 23:14

No. Absolutely do not ask for cash. If you must say anything, request donations to a children’s charity (ie. children’s hospital) or something like that. Otherwise, accept the gifts and give some to a charity, although I find it tasteless to give away a gift someone has put thought and time into choosing for your children. And I would suggest a smaller party next year.

Bugbabe1970 · 30/09/2019 05:39

I would rather give money
Looking for presents is too much hassle
The £2 for the piggy bank was a great idea 😊

Tron30 · 30/09/2019 06:13

My son's 5th birthday party was just before Christmas and we invited the whole class. So, ended up with 32 or more presents for him! As said above, we spread out the present giving through the year, back round to his 6th birthday. We, as parents didn't bother getting him anything for that Christmas or his next birthday. (Are we bad?)

Over the years we have also asked for cash if there was really something our DC really wanted and we could not afford it. (Only for parents who ask what to buy him). I am sure a lot of the parents would be very pleased to just slap a fiver or tenner in a card without the added stress of looking for a present to buy. (I know a lot of mine were!)

Seahorseshoe · 30/09/2019 06:15

You can't ask for money.

If I had an invite asking for no presents, I would put a fiver in a card.

Humm1ngb1rd · 30/09/2019 06:35

Last year I looked around my daughter's bedrooms and felt that we really couldn't take and definitely not need another 15 presents. Whilst I'm not a good environmentalist I am an environmentalist, hence the plastic and stuff which frankly my kids didn't have the time to use was just sat in the corner so I just asked parents for either no presents or £2/3 in a card. All worked out fine. Loads of parents in complete agreement (especially those with 2+ kids). Dd got a few presents which was lovely to have a couple and some cash which she got a more expensive (but very small!) gift with. It really wasn't that difficult (and less hassle for the parents) and as far as I know nobody thinks I am an impolite/money grabbing parent!

lyralalala · 30/09/2019 06:45

Will your children enjoy being surrounded by so many kids they hardly know?
Surely a smaller gathering with people that your children know and care for would give them a happier day.

I would imagine that, given they are her children, the OP is a better judge of what they’d enjoy than anyone on here.

Plus these are children they will go through school with, not strangers hauled off the street.

Missingsandraohingreys · 30/09/2019 07:00

What’s wrong with this ? Jesus the planet is burning and no one needs shit plastic toys

Just say small house , no gifts needed but if you would like to a £5 note would be appreciated ! Thanks

Missingsandraohingreys · 30/09/2019 07:03

I was asked on the WhatsApp what DC wanted and I said to be brutally honest he wants money as saving ! Or a pack
Of Pokemon cards or a T shirt
In the end most gave money and he had a great time spending it on something he wanted

edgeofheaven · 30/09/2019 07:25

One year I said "No need for gifts, if you really want to give something a book would be nice." Ended up with 15 books and a few toys from people who hadn't read the invitation properly.

My DCs have enough stuff, honestly don't see why giving cash is so looked down upon. And if I didn't think people would fine me rude I'd give cash to all of DC's friends for gifts honestly. I'm sure their parents know better than I do what to spend it on.

Iminagony · 30/09/2019 07:29

I can't believe how many are against this idea.
I would much prefer to give a few quid rather than a gift.
I agree there is too much crap, toys generally don't get enough play as there are so many. I wouldn't feel right turning up to a party empty handed but would be fine with a request for a small amount for bday child to save and choose something themselves. Worded right I think it could be done without offence.

LaurieMarlow · 30/09/2019 07:30

No. Absolutely do not ask for cash ... although I find it tasteless to give away a gift someone has put thought and time into choosing for your children.

You are boxing the OP in somewhat with this.

People don’t seem to get that family homes are often smaller than they used to be and there isn’t endless space for mountains of toys.

blahblahblahblahhh · 30/09/2019 07:36

I ask my parents and PIL for cash for kids bdays but no one else.

Catsinthecupboard · 30/09/2019 07:37

My dc had entire class bd parties. One each. The gifts were not overwhelming to open and the dc who brought them to the parties wanted to see their gifts opened and appreciated.

They opened them while everyone was eating cake so things were not boring. I may have given them a cracker like toy to keep them occupied in case of boredom...I can't remember.

WHAT I do remember is how each child waited expectantly to see their gift opened and appreciated and to be tbanked. It was important to them.

Being a good host means your guests enjoy themselves and seeing someone open a gift with appreciation is rewarding. Opening a gift with appropriate enthusiasm is also an important life skill.

If, when you get home, there are gifts that your dc doesn't like, suggest donating them, but emphasize the importance of not hurting gift givers feelings.

Do not be selfish; dc grow up quickly. Let them have a great memory of opening a huge stack of gifts!! Adulthood is filled with hard work and disappointment. Your tiny inconvenience is nothing compared to a long lasting happy memory. Be kind.

AND this plastic virtue-ness is short sighted; China and neighboring countries are the big polluters. Most Western countries are handling our waste intelligently.

blahblahblahblahhh · 30/09/2019 07:39

I ask my parents and PIL for cash for kids bdays but no one else. If you're worried about space or the amount of plastic crap they get - just do a no presents party. I did that for a party last year - worked just fine DS agreed better didn't need anymore plastic toys, he had some big presents from close friends and family, so wasn't bothered about friends from school bringing a present. It worked really well. We ended up with one person bringing a book (which is fine), one person bringing some cakes (great) and one person bringing one of those massive helium balloons. That was it! All fine.

DogsandBoysmeanMud · 30/09/2019 07:47

At our school the whole school did £1 a year of age eg £5 for 5th bday etc. Always worked really well.

boringisasboringdoes · 30/09/2019 07:50

No sign of OP...

EssentialHummus · 30/09/2019 07:56

I may have given them a cracker like toy to keep them occupied in case of boredom...I can't remember.

There is an obvious irony in this.

LaurieMarlow · 30/09/2019 07:58

Let them have a great memory of opening a huge stack of gifts!! Adulthood is filled with hard work and disappointment. Your tiny inconvenience is nothing compared to a long lasting happy memory. Be kind

Oh fgs what total nonsense.

Teaching children that opening a ‘huge stack’ of gifts is what will make them happy is as dumb a message as I can think of.

Excessive consumption never made anyone happy. We’re just figuring that out now.

myself2020 · 30/09/2019 07:58

Might be my background, but i find opening gifts in front of guests incredibly crass (and have never seen any child do that at a party - after about 4 years of birthday parties). a bit like “let’s check if they brought a proper gift and make sure everyone sees who can afford what”. it definitely gives the appearance of greed

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