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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think OH is acting suspicious

249 replies

Lindum08 · 28/09/2019 00:24

Me and OH have been together for 7 years now, we have an 8 week old DD. Things have always been rocky and he has flipped between wanting to be a single guy playing the field and then missing me.

Anyway, throughout my pregnancy and the first month of DDs life we have been amazing, he’s been so supportive and helpful.

However this last month he has been distant and on his phone a lot, the other day I saw a message from a woman, we will call her Anne. Anne had said “I live in XXX so not far” however OH said it was someone from his work asking about a work do for someone birthday and seeing if she could catch a ride with him.

Anyway, he told me yesterday that he’s meeting up with 2 of his friends in the town centre to go to the pub for the day, til about 6pm. I said okay. the friends we will call Alex and Pete.

Important point about Alex and Pete is that they live round the corner from us.

So this morning he asks me how long I think it’ll take for him to walk to the bus station from our house, I ask why.
He says that’s where he’s meeting his friends.
I asked why because they live 5 minutes away so you may as well walk down with them or taxi share etc
He laughs nervously and says “well they’re already in town anyway “

The bus station is right down the bottom of the town centre at the bottom of the hill, the pubs etc are all uphill, so are we.

So I question why he is going to waste time walking all the way down to the bus station to walk back up to town centre, when his friends are already in the town centre.

He laughs again and goes “ I don’t know, that’s just what Alex said”

He went out at 1pm smelling of aftershave and dressed really nice (smart casual)

He got back at 11pm (not 6pm as he said)

The place where this Anne said she lived is on a major bus route, therefore unless she drove, she would have to get the bus as it’d take hours to walk.

AIBU being suspicious and thinking he met Anne today and not his friends? Or am I being paranoid

OP posts:
Isitnearlyweekend · 29/09/2019 19:24

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and commend you on ending the relationship. He doesn’t deserve you. I’m sorry for your baby too, being born into an already rocky relationship. It’s great that your mum is there for you. Good luck going forward. You can do this x

SavingSpaces2019 · 29/09/2019 19:24

I STAND BY EVERY WORD I SAID!

No matter how often you all post taking digs at me - it's the truth and you know it!

mamaofboyss · 29/09/2019 19:29

Just awful what an arsehole 😩

GoosetheCat · 29/09/2019 19:31

So sorry about your situation OP. You sound very strong. Time to put yourself first, you sound like a fabulous mum Flowers Stay strong, he doesn't deserve you.

SavingSpaces2019 do you really enjoy taking jabs at someone when they are down? Take your shit elsewhere, the OP doesn't need your spiteful comments.

onefootinthegrave · 29/09/2019 19:34

SavingSpaces it isn't the truth, actually. What an unpleasant person you are - you'd have to be to post such hurtful comments rather than just scroll by

Flowers OP

momtoboys · 29/09/2019 19:48

I’m so sorry but so impressed with your strength. Keep us posted on how you are doing.

MummyBee173 · 29/09/2019 19:48

I am sure Anne must be feeling happy with herself that he can cheat on someone who gave birth to his child 8 weeks ago...what a catch! You are brave & strong & you can do this. I wouldn’t even consider letting him take your baby anywhere at this age, he can visit her at home with you there & if he’s in no position to argue about it! You’re priorities right now are 1) your baby 2) yourself & 3) making sure he steps up & provides financially for you both. I am sure he will live to regret this but you & your daughter will go on to far better things. Be happy, that is the best revenge xx

gymraes · 29/09/2019 19:50

Op: thinking of you-You're a stronger woman than you think who deserves SOO much better (as does your tiny dC). We're all behind you.xx

ChasingRainbows19 · 29/09/2019 19:52

Wow 8 weeks. You've birthed him a beautiful baby and he does that shit. Hope you are all ok and you are holding your resolve he doesn't deserve you.

Wills · 29/09/2019 19:53

SavingSpaces, your belief may well be valid but on the very small insight into this woman's life I think you are seriously jumping to conclusions. Also, to be able to make these comments presumably you feel that you and your Dh represent the perfect people to populate the planet. presumably you've never made any parenting mistakes. Just because OP carried a dear hope that she and her (hopefully) ex partner might get maturing to have a long lasting and wonderful life together DOESN"T make her a bad mother!

Good luck OP, to be facing this along with all your hormones can't be easy, but remember that that little precious little bundle in your arms is all you now need to worry about and with that in mind find a way to make yourself happy because invariably a happy mum makes a good mum (most of the time).

Wills · 29/09/2019 19:54

Quick question to the thread in general - Does Anne know about OP?

PepePig · 29/09/2019 19:59

I have so much genuine respect for you. You've shown an incredible level of class, composure and bravery over the last few days. Honestly, do not worry about the future. You're great, you'll be an amazing mum to your DD and any decent guy would be lucky to have you. You'll have the pick of the bunch, trust me. Do what is best for you and DD, and honestly, he needs to earn back your respect and prove he can be a stable father in your baby's life. Right now, all he's proved is his dick is more important than his partner, daughter and family. So if you let him see her for an hour a week, tbh, he's lucky to be even getting that.

He will come crawling back once he realises what he's lost. What a pathetic little man. And, tbh, Anne is fucking welcome to him! She can have your seconds. They're both as disgusting as each other. He'll soon realise that the 'single' life when you're a person like him is a very lonely existence. Any decent woman won't touch him with a barge pole once they piece together what he did.

Hope you're doing okay, it'll be a tough road ahead but you and your DD will be okay, and will be happy.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 29/09/2019 19:59

@SavingSpaces2019 I feel sad for your nasty bitter little soul
Just vile!

MrsBadcrumble123 · 29/09/2019 20:00

@Wills good point!!

Atalune · 29/09/2019 20:00

Just read this.

The only saving grace is that you found out now.

What a shit.

Flowers
Cryalot2 · 29/09/2019 20:04

Just read this. I just want to wish op and the baby every happiness Flowers

ThistleTits · 29/09/2019 20:08

Message this girl on Instagram and tell her he has a new born and a partner.
Don't say anything else and see what happens? He's definitely up to no good and follow your gut feeling. Sorry for you and the baby but better knowing now.

GPatz · 29/09/2019 20:10

Keep grabbing that attention Savingspaces2019 Hmm

Theluckynumberthree · 29/09/2019 20:10

Your doing the right this OP and setting a good example for your daughter in the future when she asks why you separated

SavingSpaces2019 · 29/09/2019 20:12

Gpatz
Yea - just like the vile posters who keep spewing their bile cos i dared to state the obvious......

Emmas1985 · 29/09/2019 20:17

Has he not tried to fight for you and his daughter? I mean your better off without and you’ve done the right thing but you’d think he’d apologise. Good luck op single motherhood is much much easier than people think and 100% easier than been with someone like him x

Twinkled · 29/09/2019 20:26

He is selfish going out for that long when you gave a new baby without even thinking about his lues and cheating . You deserve better than he can be.

Maddison12 · 29/09/2019 20:31

OP I'm glad you got him to admit it, silver lining is you're not living with a cheating scumbag in blissful ignorance.
What an absolute arsehole to do this to when you've just had his baby and to have the cheek to ask you how long it would take to get there! Sorry but you are better off without him.
If it's any consolation my partner had a massive freak out when our ds was born and I hear it's not uncommon for men to do this.
So sorry you're going through this⚘❤

Oldbird69 · 29/09/2019 20:44

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. I really hope that everything works out well for you. I'm a big believer that everything happens for a reason. Years from now, you'll look back, and hopefully be really happy that you found out when you did. ❤

TitsInAbsentia · 29/09/2019 20:50

@Lindum08 I am so sorry you ended up with such a wasteofspacearsebag, life is hard enough without out. But be proud of yourself for not letting him get away with it, I think you've done you and your little one the best favour ever x