To think OH is acting suspicious

[Lindum08]

Me and OH have been together for 7 years now, we have an 8 week old DD. Things have always been rocky and he has flipped between wanting to be a single guy playing the field and then missing me.

Anyway, throughout my pregnancy and the first month of DDs life we have been amazing, he’s been so supportive and helpful.

However this last month he has been distant and on his phone a lot, the other day I saw a message from a woman, we will call her Anne. Anne had said “I live in XXX so not far” however OH said it was someone from his work asking about a work do for someone birthday and seeing if she could catch a ride with him.

Anyway, he told me yesterday that he’s meeting up with 2 of his friends in the town centre to go to the pub for the day, til about 6pm. I said okay. the friends we will call Alex and Pete.

Important point about Alex and Pete is that they live round the corner from us.

So this morning he asks me how long I think it’ll take for him to walk to the bus station from our house, I ask why.
He says that’s where he’s meeting his friends.
I asked why because they live 5 minutes away so you may as well walk down with them or taxi share etc
He laughs nervously and says “well they’re already in town anyway “

The bus station is right down the bottom of the town centre at the bottom of the hill, the pubs etc are all uphill, so are we.

So I question why he is going to waste time walking all the way down to the bus station to walk back up to town centre, when his friends are already in the town centre.

He laughs again and goes “ I don’t know, that’s just what Alex said”

He went out at 1pm smelling of aftershave and dressed really nice (smart casual)

He got back at 11pm (not 6pm as he said)

The place where this Anne said she lived is on a major bus route, therefore unless she drove, she would have to get the bus as it’d take hours to walk.

AIBU being suspicious and thinking he met Anne today and not his friends? Or am I being paranoid

I read through the thread and I am glad you have your Mum and know for sure he is a complete dickhead that you never want back in your life.
I think he can take baby for push in the pram sometimes, -preferably not to Anne's-

Oh op - you're being so brave, and that's great your mum is coming over so you'll have that support. You don't deserve this. He's a fucking lying cockwomble, you deserve better. For the baby, I agree with pp, about him taking the baby for a walk and cuddle or something. But as you're breastfeeding there's obviously not much time he'll be able to have the baby for (and no you shouldn't be forced to pump out bottles for him just so he gets more time).

So sorry you're going through this, be kind to yourself.
You asked how long is reasonable for contact with an 8 week old baby, and you mentioned you're breastfeeding still.
I think this is something to deal with later, you have to get your routine established as a single mum putting you and your DD first.
If you can be amicable with him, then this will make the whole thing easier, but don't be walked over by him xx

I think l would also let Annie know just what a lovely guy he is.. Goodness knows what lies he has been spinning her.
Good luck OP. I am so glas you hae your mum

What a fool. What does he hope to achieve in life?

Mine did this and I stayed "for the kids" and he did it again and the second time round it was even worse and I had no dignity, no self respect, was angry at him, angry at myself for trusting him, angry at the world. I was completely broken and it's taken me a whole year, around 70% of that crying, to recover.

Let him push his daughter round the park. Can you pump & put into bottles? Obviously not something you should have to do, entirely your choice. He'll have to work around BFing.

You can do this! you'll surprise yourself how strong you can be and you'll wonder why you didn't chuck him out long ago.

It's good you got with him or your beautiful baby girl wouldn't exist. But that's as far as it goes now. Deep breaths and onwards and upwards. Whenever you need a booster just drop a post on here. Loads of us have been where you are now xx

I’m so sorry you are going through this. He’s a shit. I don’t know what else to say other than

And echoing what other PP’s have said - you are not alone. A lot of us have been where you are right now. I wouldn’t have my beautiful son if it wasn’t for a similar situation! ♥️

So so sorry OP.
What staggers me is that you told him to move out and he says he will. If he was in any way worthy of you and DD he should be fighting like hell for you both. His daughter is 8 weeks old and he is happy to leave it at that! Even if he feels your relationship is done with he shouldn't act like he doesn't give two shits about the most precious thing that has ever happened to him. to you OP. Look after your beautiful DD- time to move on sweetheart.

Too late now but you could have called Alex or Pete and said could you speak to DH as he’s not answering his ‘phone - if he’s there make up some story about needing milk on the way home and if he’s not there...we’ll..then you know.

So what's the solution to those passing judgement on this woman having her baby in this relationship? Return to sender on her diaper via the post? Return to a cabbage patch? You're kicking a woman while she's down

God, what absolute scum he is.

Also, he's completely crap at it too, or he wanted to be found out. Asking you how long it would take him to the bus station etc.

I'm so sorry he's done this to you and your little girl.

SavingSpaces2011

I can't believe you brought a child into this farce of a relationship.
Poor kid.

Oh do shut op, how nasty.

Get out ASAP Op, they’d the worst part, once he’s gone you can rebuild - and you WILL be fine.
Id let her know too

He is a massive cunt OP, unfortunately there are also some MN’s on here that are also massive cunts for chastising you. I hope you are ok and have support - this is not your doing, enjoy your baby xx

OP you & your baby will be fine. From someone who has been right there. Please don't stay with this man, he is disrespectful & you deserve much much more & so does your baby.
To the judgemental people on here - this man also had a responsibility with using contraception- its sexist to suggest otherwise. And he now has a responsibility to this baby - on OP's terms given her age.
OP don't let him back in - stay strong.

Watch and wait.

In the meantime, check your 'following' panel on Instagram if you're following him. Way more subtle than getting hold of his phone. This only works if you have less than 1000 followers or are following less than that yourself,I think.
You'll see his activity on there and see if he's liked or commented on her.
I caught a compulsive liar out with that.
Good luck but don't ask his mates, they might be covering for him.

Dearest OP, you and your beautiful daughter deserve so much better than the tidbits this lying, cheating, untrustworthy excuse for a man has thrown your way.

It may not feel like it now, but one day you will look at your daughter and know in your heart that you did the right thing by her: You womaned up and showed her what it means to have dignity, respect and self-worth.

I wish you and your sweet girl a peaceful and happy life moving forward from this. For you

Just read your update. What a lying twat.

Hugs xxx

To the PP saying about her bringing a child into the relationship....
wow that's low. Really low and no need for that.

Just read the thread: hang in there. I know you're in pain and sometimes we want to hang on to these men to make the pain stop but it won't. Men like that do not change.

His history speaks for itself and you've done your time in this relationship.

I know you feel like crap now but it WILL pass and you have your mum to support you... she will want to be your rock so let her and you and your baby will be just fine.

It's a bit like a grieving process so just roll with it. If you need to cry then cry but don't build a house and live in it.

You've got this. Xx

For all those posting nasty comments: there is a time and a place for your version of the "truth" and this is neither.

Have some empathy (and some manners).

@Lindum08 - so very sorry.

If he’s this glib about his wants when he has a newborn, it would only get worse in time.

Glad you have your mum for RL support.

Don’t worry about what is fair re access. You have tiny child and you’re the main career, so you decide what’s good for you.

OP, I feel for you. I’ve been where you are in similar circumstances. He’s a piece of shit. But, it will be OK. In the long run you’re best off out of it and things WILL be ok. Big, massive hugs xxx

I'm so sorry OP
What I dick he is. You'll be better off without him

Well done for being strong enough to end the relationship now. It's tough enough with a newborn, let alone with a selfish cheating prick of a partner. I wonder if his ladyfriend is aware he is a new dad? If so, what kind of woman must she be, meeting up with someone else's partner, especially when there is a tiny baby to consider?