To be expected to sit at the back

[Channychanny]

Me and the boyfriend live separately. Together for 4 years though. I have a child and so does he. Whenever we go my child gets in the back of the car (teenager). When he picked me up, his adult child stayed in the front seat. Should I be ok with this? I felt uncomfortable and disrespected.

Would you expect your child to move into the back for your partners child? He is older, after all.

Why should there be rules about who sits where in a car?!
It doesn’t matter one little bit
Those of you who think otherwise either have very dull lives or an inflated self of self importance.
Try worrying about things which matter.

Surely though you can see there are different schools of thought on it so it’s not personal and therefore you need to manage your feelings of discomfort

Although given that you see your father much more than them perhaps they want to spend as much time as they can with him and you need to respect that

Respect should be earned and not automatic

*sense

In the larger scheme of things obviously it's not important - it's just a car seat - but this is how society has changed and in my opinion for the worse. The family hierarchy has broken down and apparently it is equal rights for all, there is no natural respect and just a heap of entitlement. It's the drip, drip affect of treating children like princes.

@Busy77 😂 that's hilarious in the context of this thread about seats in the car. The "children" are adults and are not worthy of any less respect than the OP who, frankly, sounds petty and entitled, on the basis of this thread

Equal rights for all?

It's a car seat. Who has ever said front passenger gets more respect?

YANBU.

Barring a disability or car sickness either the teenager (who is not an adult, yet) should have moved on their own or your hubby should have told them to move.

I often find that men make their female partners sit in the back. One recent example: Went bowling with a friend, her boyfriend and one of his friends recently. We took the boyfriend's car to get there, then drove over to Mc Donald's and then went home. In all three instances The boyfriend and his friend sat in the front, while his girlfriend, who lives with him, sat in the back with me.

Interesting arrangement and very telling of the spot you hold in someone's live. I would never let a partner ride in the back, unless someone gets car-sick or there is another reason someone needs to sit up front. But this is done through discussing the matter so everyone knows where they stand, not just automatically assumed.

Really, just pay attention next time you share a car with people you know. Most times the women will be made to sit in the back.

The problem with travel sickness, though, is that it often seems to be genetic. If all of the members of a family suffer from terrible travel sickness, how do you decide who gets to travel in the front passenger seat? and get projectile barfed on

And how is treating kids with respect treating them like princes?

If you think the back seat is disrespectful, why is that this particular adult should be disrespected and put in the back over OP?

Just out of interest, this 'other country' that the adult son/daughter lives in with their Mum - is it a far eastern island nation with cultural norms that seem unequivocally alien to us (as would ours to them)? Or is it Ireland....?

I wouldn't expect an adult to move for me.

Really, just pay attention next time you share a car with people you know. Most times the women will be made to sit in the back.

Very good point indeed. Is the thinking that the men are likely taller and therefore can benefit more from the extra leg room in the front? Or.... is it something else....?

Would this step son expect his mother to sit in the back?

2 choices. Get over yourself (his child even as an adult should always come first)
Walk next time.

@Busy77 who knows? The OP said she doesn't have much of a relationship with them. And she's not going to if she insists on being superior

Repeat after me people: A teenager is nNOT an adult.

And women are often assumed to sit at the back of a guy's car. Seen it many times.

It wasn't the teenager who didn't move. It was the 22 year old adult.

If you had started the journey together I could see your point but it seems ridiculous to expect someone (adult or child) to move so you can sit in the front seat.

The only exception to this would be if someone was infirm or had restricted mobility. I’d move for them.

Somewhat off-topic, but this age-hierarchy often seems to be the case when assigning bedrooms in a family house. Granted, there are often two parents to share a room, so they need more space than one person, but as well as getting the 'master' bedroom, you'll often find that the majority of the house is decorated/furnished/designed according to the parents' tastes and preferences anyway.

Similarly, a teenager will often be given one of the bigger rooms, 'because they are older', when they'll spend much of their time sitting at a compact desk on a laptop or lolling on the bed on their phone. Meanwhile, their much younger sibling, who gets the smallest room by default, wants to spread across and run around the whole room playing with loads of massive chunky toys and games.

Bloody hell OP. I think a sturdy grip is needed here and I suspect that there's a deeper insecurity issue behind your concern. If my 13 year old and her dad come to pick me up I would think nothing of hopping in the back. It's far more convenient for everyone that way. I don't consider the bank to be second class seating at all! It's just a seat, in a car.