To be expected to sit at the back

[Channychanny]

Me and the boyfriend live separately. Together for 4 years though. I have a child and so does he. Whenever we go my child gets in the back of the car (teenager). When he picked me up, his adult child stayed in the front seat. Should I be ok with this? I felt uncomfortable and disrespected.

if DS (age 17) comes with me to collect dh from the train late at night DH goes into the back as DS was there first.. If we go in the car all 3 at the same time DS goes in the back as well DH was there first (in that he and I bought the car)

Well we have no clarification on how serious the relationship has to be for you to demand an adult relinquishes their seat for them. Why should you life partner, dearly beloved, chosen one be superior to your adult?
I think when they're still teens/ non adults it's a reasonable respect thing.

I don't know what you're moaning about, op. Nothing.

Is your DP's adult child male? I'm thinking that you are maybe female?? I remember seeing a friend of mine sat in the back of the car while her husband and son (not yet adult) were in the front. Maybe they'd picked her up later.. I don't know. But it looked odd. As if they were superior to them. I'm not saying adults are superior to younger people really. Or maybe I am. I do feel they rank higher and those people belong in the front??? You kind of have to earn the spot in the front. You get it when you're the parent.. older one... If my son is in the front if my mum is getting in I'll always make him go in the back. It's kind of a respect thing. She's earned the front seat... it is usually the comfiest. And if you're in the front you get company. Often the back seater is sat in the back going 'what's that?' 'what's that?'. If I was driving and my son was in the front if we picked up another adult I would offer them the front or expect him to offer it.

I get you OP...I was brought up that the drivers partner eg mum/dad boyfriend/girlfriend aunt/uncle whatever sat in the front and guests/kids/friends in the back....I think it is based on respect.

You really expect someone to get out of their seat and move to the back for you?!

I was brought up that the oldest passengers travel in the front. It's about respect, about lesser mobility, about being able to adjust the front seats in a way you can't adjust the rear ones,etc. I'm in my forties and I move to the back if we're collecting DM, MIL, SIL, etc.
But as you can see from the thread it seems a lot of people don't think it matters.

Adult at the age of 22. Wow why some of u so vicious
Thanks to those that see with me here.

I agree with you OP - I am in my forties and have 2 mid twenties step sons - I would expect them to sit in the back too. It's a respect thing. It's normally my car if that makes any difference so why should I sit in the back.

There a difference between everyone getting in the car at the same time - oldest generation in front (unless its a small car and a long legged teen/adult child who can't fit in the back).
And an adult sitting in the front seat when an adult from an older (but not elderly) generation is picked up. In which case as long as its a 5 door car, the person already seated and comfortable shouldn't move.

If you’re all getting in the car at the same time then sure, you should get to go in the front. If another adult was already sat there and they pick you up then it would be silly to get them to move and to feel disrespected is such a huge overreaction. If you get car sick and struggle in the back (your post doesn’t mention this so I’m guessing not), then just ask them nicely to swap. Otherwise just sit in the back and don’t read into it so much!

I think it’s terrible that the person didn’t at least offer. Shows lack of respect for older people. I wouldn’t expect my bf to sit in the back. Guess it’s just different opinions. There are so many of the younger generation today have no respect.

As a shortie of slim build, I seem to inevitably get the back seat, or end up in the middle if the back seat is filling up. My legroom is always trumped by someone else's need!

I feel like Ronnie Corbett when he mumbles "I know my place"

I think if they’re already in the seat it’s not a big deal, it seems like an effort to move. I wouldn’t think sitting in the back was an indication of the respect I receive.

And by older, I mean older than they are not older as in oap.

I think it would have been polite for them to offer, but given that they are an adult there isn't the same expectation as there would be if it were a kid.

I don't see how an adult being older than another adult entitles them to more respect? Can you enlighten me?

It's not just about respect. It's also about kindness. I don't think there can ever be too much consideration in the world. In fact there seems a real lack of it.

If they were the same age, you might have something to complain about. But if his child is an adult, and yours isn't, it seems to me pretty usual that the adult would be the one to sit in the front.

I agree with respect all, not just respecting elders. My point comes from one of a stepmother, not an elder (although I am quite a bit older). The stepmother balancing act is a tough one and step children will play off the power games.