to secretly have accumulated just over £50K of savings over the last few years?

[LargeGnTPlease]

First time poster here, so please be gentle! so AIBU to secretly have accumulated just over £50K of savings over the last few years? No one knows, not my DH, no one!

So in a marriage everything that is mine and in my name is also rightfully my husbands? hmm

That's not what I was saying. If you and your spouse have had equal amounts of money and agreed that you will do what you like with it that's a different thing to the OP, who has saved the money from the family pot without her husband's knowledge (not just her money and not shared equally).

Well done OP!

Not great that it's a secret, though...

Could you just drop into conversation that you're going to try to save a bit each month for a rainy day? At least then, if the situation is the same in 10 years, it's no longer a big secret...

Oh, and put it in ISAs, or maybe consider the pros/cons of a low-annual-fee stock tracker. Over the last 10 years, £50k in cash would have grown to maybe £58k with interest if you really shopped around. In a FTSE 100 tracker it would have grown to £72k, in the FTSE 250 it would have grown to £110k. More risk with stocks, obviously, so depends how long you intend to leave it untouched.

GOOD FOR YOU!

Good work OP!

Ok, if you're both happy that you take care of the finances, then this saved pot is a great achievement and no need to feel deceitful about.

You could a) reveal all and tell him what a great job you've done with your joint finances; b) trust your instincts and his past spending experience, tell him you've been saving on the side and have a small amount put away for a rainy day. Don't tell him how much, he may not care because you deal with that aspect of the relationship; c) say nothing.

I guess it depends on what you intend to do with the money? Any plans? Holidays? Helping the kids? Secret security blanket?

I'm quite shocked how many people are against saving for a rainy day. I found out first hand recently how precarious life can be when DH became ill and we only received SSP. If DH'd said he'd saved up I would have been bloody delighted.

If the OP tells her DH, there's a high risk he will want to spend it on something frivolous, defeating the purpose and all her efforts to give them a financial safety net.

Good for you OP.

That's not what I was saying. If you and your spouse have had equal amounts of money and agreed that you will do what you like with it that's a different thing to the OP, who has saved the money from the family pot without her husband's knowledge (not just her money and not shared equally).

To make a spouse spend money they want to save is surely financial abuse in the same way that keeping a partner short of money is. If he knew he would make her spend it, that is why she has kept it secret. There is no evidence at all it is from the family pot of that they are short of money.

The attitude that spending is the default is bizarre.

As I have said several times before this is a relationship red flag of epic proportions. Similar attitudes to money is vital in a relationship.

Fair play for saving but I can only imagine the hunting season that would be declared if the DH had done this secretly.