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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be upset my kid got told they was a waste of space

274 replies

Yeetyaga · 26/09/2019 18:59

Trying to be less identifying as possible but yesterday my child (secondary school) got called a waste of space and oxygen and I’m not quite sure how to feel about it. It seems to have possibly had an effect on my kid

OP posts:
minesagin37 · 27/09/2019 00:59

Your child was being badly behaved. Stop reinforcing bad behaviour. This is why kids feel they can be arses in class because they go home and mum agrees with them!

IsobelRae23 · 27/09/2019 02:14

Not even back a month and a teacher has had enough of your child- speaks volumes about your child. No wonder so many teachers are leaving the profession when parents are handling their snowflakes like this.

Booboosweet · 27/09/2019 06:35

Honestly, you're talking about him not making stuff up, but I used to lie all the time as a teenager. Everyone does/did. I am not saying he's definitely lying but parents can sometimes be in denial about that possibility. He might have heard the teacher wrong and just filled in the gaps.

TeddybearBaby · 27/09/2019 06:49

Op I could’ve told you the responses you’d get to this.

The teacher is supposed to act like the grown up and model behaviour.

I have no doubt that your son is telling the truth. He lost control. Sounds like your son was being a bit of a wally but the teacher should be held to a higher standard than name calling.

Tell your son it’s not ok to muck about but the teacher hasn’t covered himself in glory with his reaction either. Keep an eye on the situation for now I’d say 💐

meccacos2 · 27/09/2019 06:50

My cousin and I were bullied at school by a teacher who thought my cousin was my mother’s child (she worked at the school).

She copped it worse than me because they both had the same last name and I had a different last name.

😝

Sometimes teachers can be nasty.

However, does your child have issues at school? It’s an extreme response.

I was being kicked out of class from grade 1 onwards as I was bored. My sister was even kicked out. It’s really no big deal.

ChilledBee · 27/09/2019 07:32

There's no excuse for a teacher to ever say that to a student in any circumstance at all.

ChilledBee · 27/09/2019 07:37

OMG I can't believe the comments.

Imagine if I came on and said I called my 3 year old a little cunt because they wrote on the wall?

In my time as a teacher, I've seen a teacher racially abuse a child. One was reported for calling a girl a slag and she didn't deny it and said she pushed her to it. I've known of a Male teacher to grab a teenage girl by the neck and throw her out of his class onto the floor in the corridor. I've known a teacher to mock a child with a neurological speech impediment. I've known of a teacher who said a child should be in a special school so they stop obstructing the class (this was said to whole class). That's just off the top of my head.

Biker47 · 27/09/2019 07:40

When I was at school at least one teacher said something similar about a few kids in my class, they weren't wrong about them to be honest.

LittleLongDog · 27/09/2019 07:43

I’d be explaining to my child that the teacher said that because they had absolutely wound them up with their behaviour.

I would say that it just shows how exasperated they are with you and your attitude at the moment and what are you going to do about it? How are you going to make it up to the teacher and show them what a great person you actually are?

MeggyMeg · 27/09/2019 07:45

@Chilledbee What's calling a 3 year old a cunt got to do with this ? Being called a waste of space because you've behaved so badly that you've been thrown out of the class is not comparable.

In all the examples you give there is no indication the child had done anything.

In the OPs case her son had done enough to warrant being thrown out, but all she wanted to focus on was how hurt her sons feelings were after this teachers comments. I agree there is no excuse for the teacher saying that but she is yet to even hear his side of events.

Kaykay06 · 27/09/2019 07:46

The teacher was wrong to say that as it’s clearly wasted on some kids they don’t care what the teacher thinks of them anyway.
But clearly your child must’ve been asked to stop what they were doing and didn’t/mouthed off then got sent out, disturbing the rest of the class.

I wouldn’t speak to school, I would speak to my child and make sure they know that behaviour isn’t acceptable & if they behaved in class the teacher wouldn’t send them out or get exasperated with them, I don’t know how secondary school teachers do it, teenagers can be so trying(understatement) I have 4 sons eldest 2 are teens and pains in the backside at times but they know how to behave at school etc or their are consequences

Kaykay06 · 27/09/2019 07:46

There are even too early in the morning Grin

SnuggyBuggy · 27/09/2019 07:47

This could be a real learning experience for your child if you back the school. People who disrupt lessons talking are annoying as fuck. When your child whinges about the teacher saying they "don't believe in them" you need to turn it around and ask them what they have done to encourage the teacher to believe in them.

I think this person could well be facing a very difficult time in adult life

ShatnersWig · 27/09/2019 07:50

How times change. Not. When I was at secondary school I heard exasperated teachers saying things like that to the most disruptive children in a class quite often.

Rainuntilseptember · 27/09/2019 07:56

See I wouldn't have said that, but I might have said you're wasting your time being here and my oxygen on speaking to you. We are supposed to keep it about the behaviour, not the individual iyswim. So I wouldn't support what the teacher said but unless they have a reputation for being horrible at the smallest thing I would assume that your child's behaviour was pretty shitty to provoke that reaction. The reaction was wrong but in the long run it's your child's behaviour that's of more concern to you than getting the teacher in trouble.

Bloomburger · 27/09/2019 07:56

If I was a teacher I'd think someone disrupting other pupils education was a waste of oxygen and as a parent you need to be backing up the teacher and addressing you child's behaviour rather than giving your child fuel to carry on being disruptive and argumentative.

MrsWooster · 27/09/2019 07:57

Truthfully? It’s a silly hyperbolic phrase, the sort of thing that teachers do out of frustration (and for slight comic effect for the rest of the class) since saying to to dc “ffs, shut up, you bloody rude kid, you’re disturbing the learning of 29 other kids and disrespecting both me and the school”

SnuggyBuggy · 27/09/2019 07:59

I can remember so many times sitting in classrooms with some idiot who thought we all wanted to hear their running commentary of everything and wishing the teacher would tell them to STFU because no one wants to hear the crap coming out of their mouths.

sweetm · 27/09/2019 08:02

Sorry but how on Earth is this acceptable at all?! How are MNetters defending a teacher saying this?

I wouldn't even tell my child this if they were driving me beyond insane 24/7 at home. It's emotionally abusive, if it was persistent - So the one off isn't an acceptable alternative.

It's a hideous thing to say to someone and must make them feel extremely low.

Yes he might've been a naughty little shit but you just don't say that. You are firm and direct and make a consequence happen. Not lower your tone and say this vile thing

Bunnyfuller · 27/09/2019 08:13

Ring the school, speak to the teacher, ask for their account of what happened. Agree to work with them on improving your child’s behaviour. And speaking to the teacher isn’t to accuse, it’s to get another perspective.

And yes, children will make stuff up to shift blame from themselves. Your child is clearly minimising whatever they did in the class, thus ‘whispering’ across the classroom. Obviously it was talking/laughing etc and disrupting the lesson. You surely don’t think the teacher went straight to sending out of the classroom? There would have been several verbal requests to be quiet and gradually it got to the point where your child got sent out.

It wasn’t a very nice thing to say, but your child was taking up space in a learning environment and not using it for that purpose! So, how have you approached this behaviour? Did you sanction in some way to demonstrate to your child they can’t play you off against the school?

Or did you reinforce the behaviour by falling for the distracting allegation of what the teacher said? I suspect the latter. If you believe your child of this age has ‘never made anything up’ it is obvious who has the upper hand. And it isn’t you, OP.

BarbariansMum · 27/09/2019 08:15

Exactly what SnuggyBuggy said. Exactly.

SmileyGiraffe · 27/09/2019 08:15

And the huns have arrived.

FFS, if my child 's education was affected by a pathetic little bastard thinking he was above the rules, I would expect the teacher to do something. And if said little bastard got upset because the teacher told him what he was, I'd absolutely judge the parenting that resulted in a lying, disrespectful little shit.

sweetm · 27/09/2019 08:19

Smiley Oh believe me, I'm not a 'hun' type.

And if this was my boy I would support the school completely in whichever punishment they deemed fit.

However, speaking to someone like that isn't acceptable. And is extremely sad that you think it's okay because 'it's what he is'.

He isn't a waste of space. He might be bloody naughty and need to buck his ideas up, but he isn't a waste of space. That type of language acts as a hindrance, it doesn't make them behave. It could well even impact his self esteem.

Straycats · 27/09/2019 08:21

I'd possibly want to know what your child was up to and no harm misbehaving just four weeks in! Teachers have it rough and that age group, can be a nightmare, why should classes be disrupted constantly so the others can't benefit from a decent education? Yes I've had four children and I'd back the teachers. Many parents can't cope with their one-two children how are teachers supposed to with thirty.

sweetm · 27/09/2019 08:23

Stray Those teachers have a bloody well right to punish those disruptive children. But not with words like that.

Punishments are detentions, loss of privileges, having to stay back and speak, having to miss how many days of breaks a teacher decides is appropriate.

Punishment is not degrading words.